Lost 😞
Lost 😞
Sorry to post again I’m just having a bad day! My son has been the 4th taken into care now, my eldest was injured and I don’t know how or by whose but the judge couldn’t rule me or his father out, I thought this time would be different it’s been 8 years since I had my last child and I’d been allowed unsupervised care of my niece for 3 years but I’ve just found out the LA didn’t do a proper risk assessment for this I’ve had a negative psychological assessment stating I need to have therapy (not been told what therapy) I have suffered with depression most of my life but managed it well before all this how long can my son stay in foster care if I need to do the therapy before he’s home? im waiting on a report about my resolution assessment by an Isw which is due this week what are the chances that she recommends he comes home with the negative psychological ? I feel like my support network is going to ****, I’m so scared I’m gunna lose my son I can’t go through it again I’m barely holding it together on weekends when I don’t see him, I’ve tried to stay positive throughout this whole thing getting his bedroom ready for him to come home to but I can’t do it anymore I feel like I’m lost honestly don’t think I’ll survive if he doesn’t come home and tbh I’m not sure I’d want to 
Re: Lost 😞
I’ve read everything you’ve written, and I need to tell you something clearly and calmly: your situation is not hopeless, even though it feels like the ground has fallen away beneath you.
You have already survived the absolute worst thing any mother can experience, and you are still here, still fighting, still turning up to assessments, still loving your son. That alone tells me you are far stronger than you feel right now.
Let’s break this down properly, because there are several misunderstandings that are making you panic when you don’t need to.
1. A “negative” psychological assessment does NOT mean you cannot parent
A psychological report that says you need therapy is not a fail.
It does not say you are unsafe.
It does not say you are unfit.
It simply says you need support.
The court cannot remove a child simply because a parent has depression or needs therapy.
The law requires proof of a current risk of significant harm.
You have three years of safe, unsupervised care of your niece. That is direct evidence that you are not a current risk.
You must ask your solicitor to obtain the psychologist’s exact wording.
Not the summary.
Not what someone “said it means.”
The actual line in the report.
Because recommendations for therapy usually mean this:
“Parent would benefit from emotional support to manage stress.”
That is not a bar to reunification.
2. The Resolution Assessment is far more important
Please remember this carefully:
Psych assessments look at your internal world.
Resolution Assessments look at your day-to-day functioning as a parent.
Courts rely heavily on Resolution Assessments because they deal specifically with cases like yours, where the historical injury is unexplained but the parent is safe now.
The Resolution model does not ask you to confess, guess, or explain the old injury.
It asks:
“Is this mother safe today?
Does she recognise risk today?
Can she protect a baby today?”
That is the only thing that matters now.
Many parents who previously lost children because of “pool of perpetrators” findings have had later children returned through the Resolution pathway.
This is very possible for you.
3. Your unsupervised care of your niece is actually your strongest evidence
You were approved to have unsupervised overnight care of a vulnerable child for years.
Even if the LA now claims the risk assessment “wasn’t done properly”, the outcome still stands:
You cared for your niece safely
No harm occurred
Professionals trusted you
Your husband was permitted under your supervision
If you were genuinely an unmanageable risk, this would never have happened.
You cannot be simultaneously “unsafe for your own baby” yet “safe enough for long-term unsupervised care of someone else’s child.”
Your solicitor must highlight this. It is powerful.
4. Therapy does not mean your son must remain in foster care until it is completed
This is where many parents misunderstand the process.
Courts routinely return babies while therapy is ongoing.
Why?
Because therapy is a journey, not a pass/fail test.
If you start therapy immediately, you can build a transition plan such as:
you begin therapy
the baby returns under a supervision plan
progress is monitored
Your solicitor should propose this.
The question is not “is therapy finished?”
It is “is therapy started, consistent, and showing insight?”
5. You need to know exactly what the negative psychological report says
Your next step is to ask your solicitor:
“What exactly did the psychologist write, word for word, in their conclusion?”
Not the social worker’s interpretation.
Not the guardian’s summary.
Not someone’s guess.
You need the precise wording.
Sometimes “negative” simply means:
“She needs support.”
“She has unresolved trauma.”
“She would benefit from therapy.”
None of those prevent reunification.
6. You must not read the ISW Resolution report alone
When it arrives this week:
Read it with your solicitor.
Do not interpret it through fear.
Do not assume the worst.
Do not catastrophise wording.
ISW Resolution reports are often mixed, not perfect, and still support reunification.
Your solicitor can challenge anything inaccurate or unfair.
7. Your current emotional distress is understandable — it is not evidence against you
You wrote:
“I don’t think I’ll survive if he doesn’t come home.”
This is trauma speaking, not lack of insight.
Losing three children is a level of grief most people cannot comprehend.
Of course you feel broken.
Of course weekends without him feel unbearable.
But your ability to keep turning up, despite the pain , is evidence of strength, not instability.
Make sure you tell your solicitor you need emotional support urgently.
That is protective parenting, not weakness.
8. You are much closer to bringing him home than you think
Let’s look at the real facts:
You have a Resolution Assessment, this means reunification is still on the table
You have years of safe unsupervised care of your niece
You have stable, positive contact with your son
You have cooperated fully
You have no new concerns
You are willing to start therapy
You are not avoiding, denying, or minimising
You are working openly
These are exactly the markers courts look for when returning a baby.
You are not failing.
You are not finished.
You are still firmly in this process.
If you want a sentence to use in a statement or meeting, you can say:
“I accept that I need emotional support and I am ready to begin therapy immediately. I hope the professionals can now focus on the mother I am today, not the historical uncertainty. My safe care of my niece for years shows the progress I have made, and I am committed to working openly to ensure my son’s safety.”
That shows insight, responsibility, and growth, the three things Resolution assessments prioritise.
------------
For transparency
I am not an adviser or affiliated with FRG.
I am a parent with lived experience of the child protection and court system who provides peer support based on law, procedure, and real-world strategy. Everything I write is to help you feel informed, prepared, and empowered.
You have already survived the absolute worst thing any mother can experience, and you are still here, still fighting, still turning up to assessments, still loving your son. That alone tells me you are far stronger than you feel right now.
Let’s break this down properly, because there are several misunderstandings that are making you panic when you don’t need to.
1. A “negative” psychological assessment does NOT mean you cannot parent
A psychological report that says you need therapy is not a fail.
It does not say you are unsafe.
It does not say you are unfit.
It simply says you need support.
The court cannot remove a child simply because a parent has depression or needs therapy.
The law requires proof of a current risk of significant harm.
You have three years of safe, unsupervised care of your niece. That is direct evidence that you are not a current risk.
You must ask your solicitor to obtain the psychologist’s exact wording.
Not the summary.
Not what someone “said it means.”
The actual line in the report.
Because recommendations for therapy usually mean this:
“Parent would benefit from emotional support to manage stress.”
That is not a bar to reunification.
2. The Resolution Assessment is far more important
Please remember this carefully:
Psych assessments look at your internal world.
Resolution Assessments look at your day-to-day functioning as a parent.
Courts rely heavily on Resolution Assessments because they deal specifically with cases like yours, where the historical injury is unexplained but the parent is safe now.
The Resolution model does not ask you to confess, guess, or explain the old injury.
It asks:
“Is this mother safe today?
Does she recognise risk today?
Can she protect a baby today?”
That is the only thing that matters now.
Many parents who previously lost children because of “pool of perpetrators” findings have had later children returned through the Resolution pathway.
This is very possible for you.
3. Your unsupervised care of your niece is actually your strongest evidence
You were approved to have unsupervised overnight care of a vulnerable child for years.
Even if the LA now claims the risk assessment “wasn’t done properly”, the outcome still stands:
You cared for your niece safely
No harm occurred
Professionals trusted you
Your husband was permitted under your supervision
If you were genuinely an unmanageable risk, this would never have happened.
You cannot be simultaneously “unsafe for your own baby” yet “safe enough for long-term unsupervised care of someone else’s child.”
Your solicitor must highlight this. It is powerful.
4. Therapy does not mean your son must remain in foster care until it is completed
This is where many parents misunderstand the process.
Courts routinely return babies while therapy is ongoing.
Why?
Because therapy is a journey, not a pass/fail test.
If you start therapy immediately, you can build a transition plan such as:
you begin therapy
the baby returns under a supervision plan
progress is monitored
Your solicitor should propose this.
The question is not “is therapy finished?”
It is “is therapy started, consistent, and showing insight?”
5. You need to know exactly what the negative psychological report says
Your next step is to ask your solicitor:
“What exactly did the psychologist write, word for word, in their conclusion?”
Not the social worker’s interpretation.
Not the guardian’s summary.
Not someone’s guess.
You need the precise wording.
Sometimes “negative” simply means:
“She needs support.”
“She has unresolved trauma.”
“She would benefit from therapy.”
None of those prevent reunification.
6. You must not read the ISW Resolution report alone
When it arrives this week:
Read it with your solicitor.
Do not interpret it through fear.
Do not assume the worst.
Do not catastrophise wording.
ISW Resolution reports are often mixed, not perfect, and still support reunification.
Your solicitor can challenge anything inaccurate or unfair.
7. Your current emotional distress is understandable — it is not evidence against you
You wrote:
“I don’t think I’ll survive if he doesn’t come home.”
This is trauma speaking, not lack of insight.
Losing three children is a level of grief most people cannot comprehend.
Of course you feel broken.
Of course weekends without him feel unbearable.
But your ability to keep turning up, despite the pain , is evidence of strength, not instability.
Make sure you tell your solicitor you need emotional support urgently.
That is protective parenting, not weakness.
8. You are much closer to bringing him home than you think
Let’s look at the real facts:
You have a Resolution Assessment, this means reunification is still on the table
You have years of safe unsupervised care of your niece
You have stable, positive contact with your son
You have cooperated fully
You have no new concerns
You are willing to start therapy
You are not avoiding, denying, or minimising
You are working openly
These are exactly the markers courts look for when returning a baby.
You are not failing.
You are not finished.
You are still firmly in this process.
If you want a sentence to use in a statement or meeting, you can say:
“I accept that I need emotional support and I am ready to begin therapy immediately. I hope the professionals can now focus on the mother I am today, not the historical uncertainty. My safe care of my niece for years shows the progress I have made, and I am committed to working openly to ensure my son’s safety.”
That shows insight, responsibility, and growth, the three things Resolution assessments prioritise.
------------
For transparency
I am not an adviser or affiliated with FRG.
I am a parent with lived experience of the child protection and court system who provides peer support based on law, procedure, and real-world strategy. Everything I write is to help you feel informed, prepared, and empowered.
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4831
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:57 pm
Re: Lost 😞
Dear MR5B00MR5B00 wrote: Sun Dec 07, 2025 3:10 pm Sorry to post again I’m just having a bad day! My son has been the 4th taken into care now, my eldest was injured and I don’t know how or by whose but the judge couldn’t rule me or his father out, I thought this time would be different it’s been 8 years since I had my last child and I’d been allowed unsupervised care of my niece for 3 years but I’ve just found out the LA didn’t do a proper risk assessment for this I’ve had a negative psychological assessment stating I need to have therapy (not been told what therapy) I have suffered with depression most of my life but managed it well before all this how long can my son stay in foster care if I need to do the therapy before he’s home? im waiting on a report about my resolution assessment by an Isw which is due this week what are the chances that she recommends he comes home with the negative psychological ? I feel like my support network is going to ****, I’m so scared I’m gunna lose my son I can’t go through it again I’m barely holding it together on weekends when I don’t see him, I’ve tried to stay positive throughout this whole thing getting his bedroom ready for him to come home to but I can’t do it anymore I feel like I’m lost honestly don’t think I’ll survive if he doesn’t come home and tbh I’m not sure I’d want to
Suzie (FRG Adviser) here, thank you for your update.
I am sorry to read that your son has been removed from your care. Interim proceedings, timescales and broader information about care proceedings can be read here on our website.
In your first post on this Forum, you said that you have, very sadly, been in this position before and the outcome of the court process for your second and third child was adoption. You have said that your most recent psychological assessment was negative because you need therapy, but no specific type or form of therapy was recommended. Mind the mental health charity may be able to advise you about the various therapies that help people with depression. And, if you are able to access the assessment that was done in 2017, you may find out what type of therapy ‘you needed’ at that time.
Working with your solicitor may help you with the finer details of the psychological report. You may have received your resolution assessment and have seen what recommendations have been made by the independent social worker: do ask them for clear details of their assessment and discuss it with your solicitor.
Child Protection Resource has an article on their website with quotes from Lady Justice Hale (now Baroness Hale of Richmond) which you may want to read and discuss with your solicitor as a way of presenting ‘who you are now’ as opposed to who you were 8 years ago.
There are organisations that may be able to support you. Matchmothers Charity, Pause and please see our webpages for birth families affected by adoption.
Best wishes
Suzie
Family Rights Group Adviser
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