Worried sick

[Catyns919]

I am extremely anxious about what may happen next and the level of involvement social services now have in my life.

I have never had a positive relationship with social services. During my childhood, my siblings and I experienced abuse, and no effective action was taken until my brother’s health deteriorated significantly. He is now reliant on a feeding tube, partly due to decisions that allowed unsupervised contact with an abusive parent. These experiences have understandably shaped my views of the system.

I am 30 years old and expecting my first baby with my partner. When we found out, we were excited, happy, and looking forward to becoming parents. My family shared that excitement and supported us as we began planning for the future.

However, the situation has become extremely stressful due to increased involvement from social services. My partner has an ex-partner who continues to attempt to cause difficulties in his life. She previously had her own children removed and later received a prison sentence following an unrelated incident involving assault. Over a year ago, she made an allegation of domestic violence against my partner, leading to him being placed on remand, but he was never charged. He has always been honest with me about this history, and I have not had concerns about how he treats me.

When the police asked if I wanted to request a Clare’s Law disclosure, I declined. I later found CPS documentation on my own and did not feel concerned about the information within it.

In January, my partner was arrested in relation to cannabis, and during the incident, the police used significant force. I was also arrested after trying to intervene because I believed he was being harmed. Both of us were later released without any charges. This has been the main direct involvement we have had with the police.

We live below a couple who argue frequently and loudly. Their behaviour affects us and other neighbours, and the police have been called to them several times. Despite this, we have occasionally been wrongly identified as the source of the disturbances, which appears to have influenced social services’ concerns.

In March, I experienced a severe mental health crisis connected to unresolved childhood trauma and the death of someone close to me. I initially believed I might be pregnant, but it turned out to be a false positive, and I got my period a few days later. During this breakdown, I self-harmed and called paramedics for help. They attended the property, commented on blood present and holes in the wall, and made a safeguarding referral. My partner was not home at the time.

A MARAC meeting was held without my knowledge, and shortly afterwards police came to my door forcefully. This experience was extremely traumatic. They arrested my partner despite there being no grounds for it, and he was later released without charges. A Domestic Violence Protection Notice was issued, leading to a Domestic Violence Protection Order. He had only one day to challenge it in court, but he was working away and could not attend. Around this time, social services also came to my home and expressed concerns regarding a baby. I informed them I was not pregnant and felt the situation had become unreasonable. Since then, their involvement has continued to increase.

As the DVPN transitioned into a DVPO, my partner missed me and came to visit toward the end of the order. The police arrived and arrested him for breach, which resulted in him being remanded. I felt this was disproportionate. A week later he was released without any licence or probation conditions. After this, we reconciled and have been stable and generally happy together, aside from the stress caused by the neighbours’ arguments.

Other neighbours have confirmed that the noise and disturbances come from the couple upstairs, not from us. The police have had no concerns about my partner since March, and interactions with them have been calm. I often open the door when they attend the building and explain the ongoing issues with the upstairs neighbours.

In July, I began feeling unwell and initially attributed it to IBS and stress. I reached out to the social worker, who was supportive at that time, and she advised me to get a medical scan. I did, and it revealed I was 16 weeks pregnant, conceived after my partner returned home from prison.

My partner was emotional and overjoyed when he learned he was going to be a father. He spent the night holding my bump, and it strengthened our relationship. His family has been generous and supportive, buying many things for the baby.

Shortly after this, the plan with social services was escalated from Child in Need to Child Protection. The level of involvement increased significantly, and some of the information being reported felt inaccurate or misleading. They also raised concerns involving my family, which I strongly disagreed with. At the Child Protection Conference, all professionals agreed to place us under a Child Protection Plan, which I found extremely upsetting and embarrassing.

Social services continue to portray me as a victim of my partner, which does not reflect the reality of our relationship. He treats me with respect. I am independent, capable, and confident in advocating for myself.. There has never been any violence between us. Despite this, they are recommending he does not live with me and that his access to the baby should be supervised. This means he may not be allowed to witness the birth of his first child.

I have another meeting on Tuesday, and my solicitor will attend. I intend to agree only to drug testing and home visits. The only substance I previously used was cannabis before I knew I was pregnant, and that was limited to a small amount at night to help me sleep.

I have been honest about my mental health and have asked for support where it would be helpful. I have been transparent with professionals from the start. My partner is extremely distressed by the situation and has become increasingly low because of the ongoing involvement.

I am committed to keeping my baby safe and would be open and honest if there were genuine concerns. My priority is my child and my family. I want both my partner and my baby in my life, and I love them both. I have no intention of choosing between them.

[winmau]

Hi, could you please check your DMs. Thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Catyns919

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. However, I understand that it is a stressful time for you.

You have provided a detailed summary of the difficulties you and your family faced when you were a child and which you explain has affected your view of the child welfare system. I am very sorry to hear about your brother’s health needs, that your unresolved childhood trauma led to a decline in your mental health and that you recently suffered a bereavement. You describe how this caused you to self-harm. I hope that you can access support, if you need it, around these issues. I will add a link here to our useful services resources which has information about a range of support services.

You have also explained the circumstances which have led to children’s services’ involvement. These include concerns around the risk of domestic abuse from your partner including concerns expressed by paramedics when they visited you at home. Professionals held a Multi-Agency Risk Assessment Conference (MARAC) due to their level of concern. Your partner was arrested, although not charged, and subsequently a Domestic Violence Protection Notice (DVPN) was issued followed by a magistrates’ court making a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO) on the police’s application. This indicates that professionals and the court were concerned that your partner poses a high risk of domestic abuse to you, although I can see from your post that you dispute this. Your partner later breached the DVPO, was arrested and remanded but subsequently released with no conditions in place and you reunited as a couple.

You explain that you found out in July that you were 16 weeks pregnant so your baby must be due to be born soon.

There is a child protection plan in place for your unborn baby now. I understand that this is distressing for you and your partner who is looking forward to being a father. However, the plan is in place to make arrangements to help keep your baby safe. There are additional concerns around cannabis use and your mental wellbeing. The current plan states that your partner should not live with you and that he is supervised when having contact with the baby. It is good to hear that you are willing to agree to drug testing and home visits. As there is a child protection plan in place the social worker is required to visit regularly (at least every 10 working days but likely to be more frequent for a newborn baby) and to do announced and unannounced visits.

You are due to attend another meeting, and your solicitor will attend with you. I am glad to hear that you have a solicitor; it is good that you have access to legal advice. I wonder if the meeting you describe is a PLO meeting and if you are in a pre-proceedings process. If so, please make sure that you discuss the whole situation with them and take on board their legal advice. This guide to working with a solicitor helps explain more about their role and suggests how best to work with them.

It is important that you continue to engage fully with the plans for your baby so that you can keep them safe. You can put forward your views and any proposals about how to safeguard your baby and your solicitor will help you do so. But if you downplay the concerns including around domestic abuse and if you and your partner do not work with the professionals to address the identified risks then children’s services will have to decide if they need to act (e.g. take legal action) to protect the baby. There are additional steps you and your partner can take to show now that you are being protective parents to be and that you are putting your baby first.

You can:

• Request an advocate to assist you to participate in meetings with children’s services. You can use our template letter (1) here to formalise this request, based on your needs under the Equalities Act.
• Continue to attend all appointments and engage with support offered – or seek additional support as needed. You mentioned that your partner is feeling low and is distressed; he could access one of the services here – this includes information about PANDAs, they offer support to mothers and fathers with mental health needs in the perinatal and postnatal period.
• Consider asking for a family group conference (FGC) to bring your family/friends network to help. You could identify responsible people in your network who could supervise your partner around the baby, help you when the baby is born or care for the baby if you were not able to.
• Ask the social worker /core group what assessments or programmes they would like you and/or your partner to have and why. This could include a specialist domestic violence intervention assessment.
• Ask the social worker to confirm what support they recommend and to put this in place.
• Liaise closely with your solicitor and make sure you know what their legal advice is.

You might find it helpful to read the charity Birth Companions’ Birth charter for women with involvement from children’s social care.

I hope this is helpful. I know you have a lot to contend with at the moment.

I would encourage you to call the confidential freephone advice line if you would like to speak to an experienced adviser; the number is 0808 8010366 and the lines are open from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. You could also post back on this forum, send an advice enquiry form or ask a question via webchat.

With best wishes

Suzie