Worried sick

[Catyns919]

I am extremely anxious about what may happen next and the level of involvement social services now have in my life.

I have never had a positive relationship with social services. During my childhood, my siblings and I experienced abuse, and no effective action was taken until my brother’s health deteriorated significantly. He is now reliant on a feeding tube, partly due to decisions that allowed unsupervised contact with an abusive parent. These experiences have understandably shaped my views of the system.

I am 30 years old and expecting my first baby with my partner. When we found out, we were excited, happy, and looking forward to becoming parents. My family shared that excitement and supported us as we began planning for the future.

However, the situation has become extremely stressful due to increased involvement from social services. My partner has an ex-partner who continues to attempt to cause difficulties in his life. She previously had her own children removed and later received a prison sentence following an unrelated incident involving assault. Over a year ago, she made an allegation of domestic violence against my partner, leading to him being placed on remand, but he was never charged. He has always been honest with me about this history, and I have not had concerns about how he treats me.

When the police asked if I wanted to request a Clare’s Law disclosure, I declined. I later found CPS documentation on my own and did not feel concerned about the information within it.

In January, my partner was arrested in relation to cannabis, and during the incident, the police used significant force. I was also arrested after trying to intervene because I believed he was being harmed. Both of us were later released without any charges. This has been the main direct involvement we have had with the police.

We live below a couple who argue frequently and loudly. Their behaviour affects us and other neighbours, and the police have been called to them several times. Despite this, we have occasionally been wrongly identified as the source of the disturbances, which appears to have influenced social services’ concerns.

In March, I experienced a severe mental health crisis connected to unresolved childhood trauma and the death of someone close to me. I initially believed I might be pregnant, but it turned out to be a false positive, and I got my period a few days later. During this breakdown, I self-harmed and called paramedics for help. They attended the property, commented on blood present and holes in the wall, and made a safeguarding referral. My partner was not home at the time.

A MARAC meeting was held without my knowledge, and shortly afterwards police came to my door forcefully. This experience was extremely traumatic. They arrested my partner despite there being no grounds for it, and he was later released without charges. A Domestic Violence Protection Notice was issued, leading to a Domestic Violence Protection Order. He had only one day to challenge it in court, but he was working away and could not attend. Around this time, social services also came to my home and expressed concerns regarding a baby. I informed them I was not pregnant and felt the situation had become unreasonable. Since then, their involvement has continued to increase.

As the DVPN transitioned into a DVPO, my partner missed me and came to visit toward the end of the order. The police arrived and arrested him for breach, which resulted in him being remanded. I felt this was disproportionate. A week later he was released without any licence or probation conditions. After this, we reconciled and have been stable and generally happy together, aside from the stress caused by the neighbours’ arguments.

Other neighbours have confirmed that the noise and disturbances come from the couple upstairs, not from us. The police have had no concerns about my partner since March, and interactions with them have been calm. I often open the door when they attend the building and explain the ongoing issues with the upstairs neighbours.

In July, I began feeling unwell and initially attributed it to IBS and stress. I reached out to the social worker, who was supportive at that time, and she advised me to get a medical scan. I did, and it revealed I was 16 weeks pregnant, conceived after my partner returned home from prison.

My partner was emotional and overjoyed when he learned he was going to be a father. He spent the night holding my bump, and it strengthened our relationship. His family has been generous and supportive, buying many things for the baby.

Shortly after this, the plan with social services was escalated from Child in Need to Child Protection. The level of involvement increased significantly, and some of the information being reported felt inaccurate or misleading. They also raised concerns involving my family, which I strongly disagreed with. At the Child Protection Conference, all professionals agreed to place us under a Child Protection Plan, which I found extremely upsetting and embarrassing.

Social services continue to portray me as a victim of my partner, which does not reflect the reality of our relationship. He treats me with respect. I am independent, capable, and confident in advocating for myself.. There has never been any violence between us. Despite this, they are recommending he does not live with me and that his access to the baby should be supervised. This means he may not be allowed to witness the birth of his first child.

I have another meeting on Tuesday, and my solicitor will attend. I intend to agree only to drug testing and home visits. The only substance I previously used was cannabis before I knew I was pregnant, and that was limited to a small amount at night to help me sleep.

I have been honest about my mental health and have asked for support where it would be helpful. I have been transparent with professionals from the start. My partner is extremely distressed by the situation and has become increasingly low because of the ongoing involvement.

I am committed to keeping my baby safe and would be open and honest if there were genuine concerns. My priority is my child and my family. I want both my partner and my baby in my life, and I love them both. I have no intention of choosing between them.

[winmau]

Hi, could you please check your DMs. Thank you