Ability to protect assessment

[MotherGoose80]

Hello,
I have already posted a couple of times. My child 13 and my SGO children 5 and 2 are under PLO and CP after my 22 year old daughter made an allegation of historical sexual abuse 18 months ago.
Husband moved out immediately. PLO and CP was put in place 6 months ago.
Children's services have assessed my husband and said he poses a risk and can't see the children unsupervised. He hasn't seen them for six months because CS have been doing an assessment of my ability to protect. There have been so many delays due to CS, sickness, annual leave etc. The reports was finished four weeks ago and submitted to the manager, then our social worker was off ill for a week, then her manager was on annual leave for a week, now they are insisting it has to go through my solicitor, but it still hasn't been received by my solicitor.
I am really anxious and it is really impacting my mental health, I have considered ending my life every day this week. I am autistic and I can't cope with this uncertainty going on and on.
I can't contact the crisis team because children's services will hold that against me.
I really don't know what to do.

[Winter25]

Hi MotherGoose80,

I’m really glad you posted, because the most important part of your message is not the report delay. It is that you have been thinking about ending your life every day this week.

Please do not sit with that on your own tonight. If you have any friends or family you can see or talk to , do so

I know you are terrified that using crisis support will be used against you, but getting urgent help when you are feeling like this is NOT a parental failure. It is the safe and responsible thing to do.. If you feel you may act on these thoughts or cannot keep yourself safe, call 999 or go to A&E.

And I want to say this very clearly to you children’s services !!do not get to push you to breaking point and then make you feel you are not allowed to ask for help.!! The system is failing you right now. You are not failing your children by reaching for support. Your children would be in agony if you left this world.. Your fight is for them if not for yourself. I to felt this way when everything around me fell apart, but I knew that my child would be worse off without me . SO i stuck it out, and fought and i got her back. DO NOT LET THEM make you feel this way EVER!!

You have already done what a protective parent is supposed to do. From your earlier thread, you reported the allegation, your husband moved out immediately, you followed the rules, and the whole case has been hanging for months while they assessed your “ability to protect,” much of it tied up with their concerns about your dependence on him because of your autism and ME rather than any suggestion that you ignored the allegation. That is exactly why this endless uncertainty is so cruel. It is also why the delay is on them, not on you.OK...

The autism point matters too. The waiting and not knowing is not just “stressful.” For an autistic brain it can become physically and mentally unbearable because there is no closure, no timescale and no predictability. That does not make you weak. It makes this kind of delay particularly harmful for you.

On the family case, a four-week delay for a finished report in PLO is not acceptable. Pre-proceedings is supposed to be the structured stage before court where concerns, changes needed and support are clearly set out, not a vacuum where completed assessments disappear into leave rotas and nobody tells the parent anything.

But I do not think you should be the one carrying the hard-edged fight tonight.

Your job tonight is to stay safe, stay clam relax and know this will work itself out

Your solicitor’s job is to chase the report urgently. Get them to do that tomorrow!

So I would split this into two immediate steps.

First, please contact urgent mental health support now. If phoning feels too hard, even a short text or message to your care coordinator, CMHT duty line, or trusted person saying “I am not safe with my thoughts tonight and need help” is enough to start with. And if you are in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

Second, send a very short message to your solicitor and let them take the weight of the procedural fight. Something like:
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Dear [Solicitor],

I am extremely distressed by the continued delay in receiving the completed ability to protect assessment, which I am told was finalised around four weeks ago. The uncertainty is having a very serious impact on my mental health. Please can you urgently chase children’s services for immediate disclosure of the report and confirmation of the current position.

Kind regards,
[Name]
--------------
If you feel able, you could also send a very short message to your care coordinator or crisis team such as:

I need urgent support today. My mental health has deteriorated badly and I have been having daily thoughts of ending my life. I need help to stay safe.

That is enough. You do not need to explain it perfectly or in detail

Please again understand this asking for urgent help tonight does not undo all the protective things you have done AT ALL . It is part of staying safe through something that has become intolerable. ITs not your fault.
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For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the system, offering supportive and strategic guidance.

If yo see this message i will be back online at 6.30 - 7 and 7.30 please stay online so i can message you and refresh the page. So i can give you information iff you are about

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mothergoose80

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for posting. This is Suzie, Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about how difficult things are for you now. You have been through a traumatic time. You have shared how you are struggling at present with your mental health and describe how you have thought about ending your life every day this week. You are feeling very anxious. You are autistic and are also contending with significant physical health difficulties.

It is understandable that this is taking its toll on your emotionally. However, help and support is available for those experiencing mental health distress.

I hope that the advice and information below will increase your confidence in seeking professional support and encourage you to do so. It is a sign of strength to seek support and always better to do so, for yourself and the children, rather than coping alone. As another parent has helpfully shared, it is good to reach out to family and friends when we are feeling vulnerable and as they said, getting crisis support from mental health professionals to keep safe is a responsible thing to do.

Your children are on child protection plans and you are also involved in pre-proceedings. I understand your worries that children’s services would ‘hold it against you’ if you contact the mental health crisis team. However, they would be more worried if you continue to struggle in this way without accessing professional support. It is always ok to get help and to recognise when we need it. Please don’t let fear of criticism prevent you from reaching out for support. Social workers understand the strain that protective parents face when picking up the pieces following allegations of child sexual abuse and managing all the processes and professional interactions that follow, often with limited emotional or practical support available.

Please see the information and links below about where to get mental health support during this difficult time.

As another parent suggested last night, in an urgent situation you can get help by calling the emergency services on 999 or going to Accident and Emergency.

You already know about your local mental health crisis team. I would encourage you to let them know how you have been feeling and the thoughts you have had. They can help you to stay safe and feel better.

Your GP will also be able to help and advise you.

You can also contact:

• The Samaritans: free to call on 116 123, at any time or chat online
• Shout: text 85258
• Mind: 0300 102 1234

I can see that there have been significant delays on children’s services’ part in providing you with a copy of your protective parenting assessment. As you explain, delays and uncertainty add to your anxiety especially as you are autistic.

I agree with the advice another parent gave that it is a good idea to ask your solicitor to take the lead in following up on this, on your behalf, as children’s services insist it must be shared with them first. They can formally chase this up on your behalf so that you can consider the recommendations and how to move forward.

You might want to flag with the professionals involved the resources on FLANC’s website as they provide useful tools to help professionals support parents with autism better.

You may be able to find specialist support from the Centre for Excellence of Child Sexual Abuse’s directory of service here.

I hope this helps.

Please contact the advice service again if you need advice and information about children’s services. You can post back here or use any of the advice options linked to here.

Take care.

Best wishes

Suzie

[MotherGoose80]

I have finally received the ability to protect report (after the LA sent it to the wrong solicitors) Generally it is positive.
It states that I am "proactive and protective" and that I have "a strong ability to work openly and cooperatively with professionals, respond positively to and advice and implement sustained changes in line with safeguarding guidance" The conclusion is that I can care for the children safely.
However, it also states that I "have emotional conflict" in relation to my husband which has "historically affected my ability to maintain firm boundaries during periods of stress" This is not true at all. When I asked my husband to help with meals etc due to my ME, I emailed the LA first to ask if this was ok and got no response. It was documented in Early Help meetings (I started the Early Help meetings) when he was attending the family home and that he was constantly being supervised.
Because of this it dates that "continued professional involvement is necessary to ensure that her understanding of risk remains firmly embedded both cognitively and emotionally"
I am really worried that this means the children are going to remain in PLO and under child protection. I am so stressed about this.
It has been six months since PLO began. I haven't asked my husband to come to my home, the children haven't seen him because CS wanted no contact, and my husband doesn't know where I live since I moved in December.
I have been open with CS that while we do not have a marital relationship, we still remain friends and this involves texting each other and going to the cinema once a week. I did try and stay away from my husband completely, but my mental health was negatively impacted. I am autistic and find it hard to make and keep friendships. I have tried to explain that I enjoy his friendship as we have been friends since we were 15 but there is nothing more to it than that, but I might as well talk to a brick wall. Despite me being honest and open, they just can't understand that we are just friends.
I shared details of my past experiences of abuse and the coercive control that both of my parents subjected me to, to try and illustrate that I was capable of identifying a coercive relationship, but it just didn't seem to make any difference.
I really feel completely powerless. I hate the thought of the children being under CP and I can't see when this will ever end.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear MotherGoose80,

Thank you for your post. I am Suzie, an online adviser for Family Rights Group replying to you today.

You explain that you have received the ability to protect report, after a frustrating delay when it was sent to the wrong solicitors’ firm. I am very pleased to hear that the report is generally positive; you are seen as proactive and protective and professionals feel that they can work with you; trust you to be honest and make and sustain change in line with safeguarding guidelines.

You feel that the comments about emotional conflict around your relationship with your husband are unfounded as you have always kept to the agreed safety plan.

You explain that you have a chronic illness and in the past needed some practical support from the children’s father – which you discussed with children’s services in advance; you also mention that you are autistic and find that you need some social contact with your husband, without the children present - for the good of your own mental health. There has been no arrangement for your husband to have supervised contact with the children agreed as yet.

Now that the ‘ability to protect report’ is complete, professionals have a better foundation to agree a long-term plan for you to have the support you need while you continue to keep the children safe. You could ask for a meeting to update the safety plan – with details of your access to support and a supervised contact plan for your husband and the children now to be considered more thoroughly.

As the pre-proceedings process has been ongoing for over 6 months a review is due to review progress. The core group responsible for reviewing the parallel child protection plan should also meet to update the plan in the light of this assessment.

You can read more about reviewing progress within pre-proceedings here.
You can read about child protection plans and core group meetings here .

I understand your disappointment that professional involvement is not ending at this point, but the ability to protect report is a real vote of confidence in your parenting and understanding of risk.

Please look again at the links in the previous post to FLANC and other organisations that offer emotional support.

Lucy Faithfull Foundation are also a useful resource for you in terms of online resources, helpline and courses. You can link to their website here.
I hope this was of some use at this stressful time.

You can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm) to speak in person with an adviser. We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons, and an advice enquiry form.

Best wishes,
Suzie