I’m posting here because my 2-month-old baby boy is currently in foster care under an Interim Care Order (ICO), and I’m feeling overwhelmed and frightened about what happens next.
Children’s Services became involved during my pregnancy due to the following concerns:
Allegations of domestic abuse in my relationship (there were no charges and no reports made). We had some unhealthy patterns, but there has never been physical violence.
Past substance misuse before I became pregnant (mainly cannabis and alcohol). I stopped and engaged with drug programmes and testing.
My mental health (PTSD and anxiety).
My partner’s mental health and background (care leaver and minor criminal history).
They even suggested possible financial abuse because my partner sometimes works cash in hand.
We were honest about everything from the start and cooperated fully. We engaged with drug testing, programmes, and assessments. I even completed a Claire’s Law application and nothing came back.
We were living below neighbours where there were domestic violence incidents. We asked Social Services for help to move, as the environment felt unsafe. There were multiple police call-outs, sometimes because we were victims of assault from a neighbour. My social worker even heard incidents happening during a visit. Despite this, Children’s Services often blamed us for the police involvement. The police themselves were supportive and I felt safe reporting concerns.
Pre-proceedings started while I was pregnant, which was incredibly stressful. Financial struggles were used against me, although my midwife was very supportive and helped me access assistance for baby items. At one point, they contacted my own mother (who has past police charges for child abuse) about potential kinship care. That was extremely traumatic for me.
The plan became for me and my partner to go into a Family Assessment Unit (FAU). At the time, I agreed.
I was induced in early January and ended up having an emergency C-section and a blood transfusion. My son was born healthy and we bonded with him immediately. Caring for him felt natural and we loved him straight away.
However, I was very physically unwell and had to attend the court hearing from my hospital bed. An ICO was granted. At the last minute, the local authority changed the plan and alleged my partner had been aggressive towards me in hospital (he was actually on the phone to his dad during an emotional discussion). As a result, it was decided that I would go into the assessment unit alone initially.
I was taken there directly from hospital without even being able to go home for clothes. Watching other families leave hospital together was heartbreaking.
The assessment unit felt manageable at first, but within a week I became severely depressed. I felt constantly monitored and criticised. Some staff were rude and dismissive. I could hear them talking about me. I was often overwhelmed with tasks rather than being allowed to simply bond with my baby. I felt treated like a child.
When I visited an unwell family member for two hours, staff repeatedly called me and demanded to see the relative. They made accusations (such as me having two phones) and at times removed my baby from me. I noticed other mothers there appeared very distressed, and I later learned that many parents leave without their babies.
My mental health deteriorated significantly. I was exhausted, hungry, stressed and increasingly unwell. Mental health teams and doctors attended, but I continued to decline.
My partner was later told he could move into the unit, but this was withdrawn at the last minute after a private phone call comment was reported. Things became so overwhelming that I attempted to harm myself in the bathroom. A doctor prescribed medication, but I did not improve. The placement ended shortly after.
Since leaving, I have been fully engaging with doctors, mental health services, and Social Services. I want to recover properly. In hindsight, I feel an inpatient mother-and-baby psychiatric placement would have been more appropriate than a family assessment unit given how unwell I was. At my lowest, I was so depressed I struggled even to speak to my baby.
My son is now in foster care. Social Services have facilitated regular contact and kept me updated. His foster carer seems kind and he is described as happy, healthy and thriving. That matters to me deeply.
But I miss my baby every day. The stress has turned into grief. The court timetable feels short and I am frightened he may be adopted.
I am willing to make every necessary change in my life to have him returned. I am addressing my mental health properly and working towards stability so my son has a safe, secure home to come back to.
If anyone has experience with:
Recovering from a negative FAU assessment
Challenging Local Authority assessments
Securing further parenting assessments
Preventing adoption where a parent is now engaging fully
I would be grateful for advice.
Thank you for reading.
