"Voluntary" safety plan after husband's arrest - should I get a solicitor?

[Alostmammy]

My husband was arrested late last year on a communications offence.
He has been open and honest from the start, and is engaging with a lot of help for his mental health and his actions. The arrest and revelations have been traumatic enough but pale significantly compared to social services.
As we have a two year old, my husband has been removed from the family home, police said at the outset his bail conditions could be changed with social services agreement to allow him home.

Social services initially refused to let me supervise as I was "downplaying his actions". Now I am not saying I condone my husband's actions, I am incredibly angry with him, and no one could be more disappointed in him or angry with him than he is with himself- what I said was he wouldn't harm our child and I still stand by that, every member of the family have said the same thing. I literally have qualifications in safeguarding so I don't say that lightly, and I'm even doing the inform course so they can see I do take it seriously.
They did then go on to agree to allow me to complete supervision, but they will not consider a return to living in the home until after police outcome and have closed our case on a "voluntary safety plan". Why do they even call it this when the report threatens removal of our daughter if we don't comply? Can they even do that without first escalating to CIN/CPP?
We could be looking at over a year for a police outcome and my daughter is still crying every night for her Dad. I think they think I want him home for me, which couldn't be further from the truth. We won't be sharing a bed for a long time. I asked if there was anything we could do to demonstrate we could safely manage a return to the home and was outright told "NO there is NOTHING" (actually with that attitude), they apparently cannot act until there is a police outcome, even if bail changes.

I know from hearing a lot of other people's situations that I'm one of the "lucky" ones but believe me I don't feel it. I'm deeply worried about what this is going to do to my daughter's emotional development in the long term, I have been reading child development studies and this would class as an "ACE" which could lead to lifelong trauma, yet I have been offered 0 support for her. I'm wondering if it's worth getting a family solicitor at this point? Would I be able to get legal aid if I did? He has lost his job so I cannot afford a thing.

I'm just scared for what the future holds as my SW outright said this could be forever. Can they really keep us like this forever? I'm scared they will reassess after police outcome and not change a thing and stop us living as a family ever again or worse, step us up to CPP, take away what we currently have. Do we start saving now for a LFF risk assessment?

[Winter25]

Hi Alostmammy,

I’m really sorry you’re in this position. What you’re describing is deeply upsetting, and it’s understandable that you feel frightened and stuck. I want to be honest with you, but also supportive, because this is one of those situations where clarity really matters.

You are right to question the word “voluntary”. A safety plan is only voluntary in theory. In practice, social services often use them as a way to manage perceived risk without formal escalation. If a plan is backed by statements about removal should you not comply, then it isn’t a free choice , it’s a conditional arrangement. That doesn’t mean they can remove your child automatically, but it does explain why it feels coercive.

At the moment, social care’s focus is less on punishment and more on risk management. In cases involving communication or online offences, their starting position is often extremely cautious. Even where a parent believes, genuinely and in good faith, that their partner would not harm their child, professionals tend to work from a different framework. They are not asking whether harm will happen, but whether they believe all potential risk is being actively managed.

This is where language becomes important. When you say you know he wouldn’t harm your child, they may hear that as reassurance rather than risk awareness. It’s frustrating, especially given your safeguarding background, but in their system it can be interpreted as minimisation. What they are really looking for is evidence that you accept their identified risk and are enforcing boundaries around it, even if you don’t personally believe harm is likely.

That doesn’t mean you are wrong as a parent. It means you’re operating in a system that works on worst-case assumptions.

It’s also important to be cautious about how you frame your daughter’s distress with professionals. Your concern for her emotional wellbeing is absolutely valid, but social services often attribute that distress to the situation as a whole, rather than to the separation itself. If framed poorly, it can be misinterpreted as prioritising the adult relationship over safeguarding. That doesn’t make it fair , it just means it needs handling carefully.

In terms of whether they can keep things like this indefinitely: no, not forever in law, but they can hold this position for a long time if the underlying risk hasn’t been formally assessed. Police investigations can take many months, and local authorities often say they won’t fully reassess until there is an outcome. That is common, even though it feels unbearable.

Regarding solicitors, legal aid is usually only available once there is formal escalation , for example, a pre-proceedings letter, or court action. A private solicitor may be able to offer some advice or write a clarifying letter, but they generally cannot force social services to agree to a return home while a criminal investigation is ongoing.

One practical step that can sometimes move things forward is an independent specialist risk assessment, such as through Lucy Faithfull Foundation (I used them they are fantastic) or a suitably qualified independent social worker. These aren’t cheap, and I would never say this lightly, but in some cases they are the only thing that shifts the LA’s position before a police outcome. If social care are saying there is “nothing” that can be done, what they often mean is nothing within their internal process.

For now, the most important things are:
– Do not breach the safety plan, even though it feels unfair
– Keep demonstrating protective behaviour in practice, not just words
– Make sure your engagement with courses and support is clearly documented
– Ask, in writing, what would need to change for the plan to be reviewed

You are trying to navigate a system that is rigid, risk-averse, and emotionally blunt. It does not mean this will end in removal or permanent separation , but it does mean that patience, careful wording, and strategic steps matter right now. Its a Climb you need to make and you will get there, we can not turn back the clock and change anything, we can only move forward now and manage and deal with each section as it arises until you get conclusion .

Keep posting and asking. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it.
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For transparency, I’m not an official adviser , just a parent with lived experience of the system and knowledge of that system , sharing support and practical insight.

[Alostmammy]

Thank you Winter25.

I appreciate your honesty, even if let's be honest it isn't what I want to hear. I just feel so powerless. It felt like I couldn't win, defend my husband and I'm not protecting my daughter, but saying I understand the risk felt like condemning him in their eyes.

I don't know if there's much point in asking in writing about what would need to happen for change, as the assessment report says it is to be reviewed after police outcome, so I think the SW will just parrot that.
It appears aside from the possibility of a private assessment, all we can do is put up and shut up, and live in this weird, awful, state of limbo.

Do you have any more information around the private assessments please? I doubt we would afford it currently but we can start trying to save, as I'm so scared of the possibility of this taking years.

[Winter25]

Hi Alostmammy,

What you’re feeling is completely understandable. This situation is disempowering by design, and anyone in it would feel exactly as you do.

I want to give you something more grounded than either “everything will be fine” or “this will never end,” because neither of those are true.

Right now, you are in what many parents experience as the hardest phase that you said was limbo. It feels unbearable because there is no timeline, no visible progress, and no sense of control. But limbo is not the same thing as a final outcome, even though it feels permanent when you’re living inside it.

There is a future path here, even if it’s slow and unfair.

The most important thing to understand is that social services are not currently deciding your family’s forever. They are holding a position until they feel the risk has been sufficiently assessed and “owned” by professionals. That’s why it feels like nothing you say or do changes anything, because at this stage, time and consistency matter more to them than persuasion.

The fact that your daughter is still in your care is hugely significant. It tells you that, despite how harsh this feels, they do see you as a protective parent. Their fear isn’t about you harming her, it’s about whether they believe all potential risk is being actively managed. That distinction is important, even if it feels semantic and cruel.

You are right that asking “what needs to change?” may get you the same answer right now: police outcome. That doesn’t mean asking is pointless. Asking, calmly and in writing, creates a paper trail that shows you are engaged, reflective, and forward-looking. It also matters later, when decisions are reviewed.

This phase does not last forever in law, even if it can last a long time in practice. What usually happens next is not one big moment, but stages:

the safety plan holds without incident
your protective behaviour remains consistent
The police process moves forward

reassessment happens with more information on the table

For some families, that reassessment alone changes things. For others, an independent specialist assessment is what finally shifts the position. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed though it means the system often needs an external professional to feel safe enough to move.

You’re also not wrong to worry about your daughter’s emotional wellbeing I do understand that. . The difficulty is that social services tend to see her distress as caused by the situation itself, not by the safety plan. That doesn’t make your concern invalid, it just means it has to be handled carefully so it isn’t misunderstood.

What is within your control right now is this

1Continue doing exactly what you’re doing, not because it’s fair, but because it keeps your daughter with you.

2Keep everything documented: courses, engagement, boundaries, requests for review.

3Protect your own mental health as much as you can. This process is draining by nature.

If and when you are able, an independent assessment can become a turning point, not a guarantee, but a real lever. They can cost thousands, so think car fully before asking for one. Also talk to the Lucy Faithful foundation , they are fantastic understanding people and groups.

I know it feels like you’re just “putting up and shutting up.” In reality, you’re holding the line through the worst stretch. Many families don’t realise until later that this period, as awful as it is, is often what prevents things escalating further.

This does not mean your family is broken forever by any means. It means the system is slow, risk-averse, and emotionally blunt. Progress here looks like endurance first, movement second.

You are not weak for feeling this way. You are not wrong for wanting your family back together. And you are not alone in this, even when it feels isolating.

Keep talking. Keep asking. Keep going, one step at a time.OK

For transparency, I’m not an official adviser, just a parent with lived experience of this system, sharing what I’ve learned along the way.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Alostmammy,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your posts. My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser at Family Rights Group. I hope that the following information and advice is helpful. You can click on the hyperlinks below to take you to more information on our website.

I am sorry to hear about this very difficult and upsetting situation. I can hear how hard this is for you to manage and that you are doing everything you can to support your young daughter emotionally whilst she is separated from her father.

You ask why the safety plan is called a ‘voluntary’ plan when it feels like it is not voluntary at all. Legally, the safety plan cannot be enforced. This is because the safety plan is not a legal document and is instead an agreement between children’s services and the parents (who hold parental responsibility). Ultimately, as you and the father hold parental responsibility, you are the only people who can make the final decision about your child and whether she spends time with her father (in line with the bail conditions). Therefore the safety plan is in a sense ‘voluntary’, but of course if you did decide to breach the safety plan you run the risk of children’s services escalating their involvement to the child protection process or to court proceedings. If children’s services are worried that a child is at risk of significant harm then they can make an application to the court for a court order (which would give them the legal power to remove a child) immediately. They do not have to go through the child in need or child protection process first. But they can only do this if they have reason to be concerned a child is at risk of significant harm.

You ask if you should get a solicitor involved at the moment and whether you would be entitled to legal aid. Legal aid is usually only available when children’s services have started court proceedings, or are considering this process (which is called pre-proceedings). You are always able to seek legal advice, however this is usually costly, and at present it is unlikely that a solicitor would be able to offer more advice than you have already received.

You are also always able to seek private assessments as has been suggested, but please note that there is no guarantee that this will impact on the decisions made by children’s services. I think that it would be helpful to have a conversation with the social worker if you do decide to spend money on a private assessment, because you need to know whether the outcome of any private assessment would be taken into consideration before you make a decision about whether it is worth doing.

You are already aware of the Lucy Faithfull Foundation; they offer support to partners of someone arrested for an online sexual offence. You may also find it helpful to look at the ACTSFAST website and the Talking Forward website to see what they can offer you.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[duefeb]

as a parent who's been through this I want to send you the biggest hug. its to utterly heartbreaking to go through.
we had a knock at the door not for communication offences but images. Now ex denied all accusations.
ss did the same and wouldn't allow him home but allowed me to supervise contact (a few weeks after baby was born though)
ff a year, no evidence found, police nfa.
ss just held with no unsupervised contact stating his online actually was clearly a concern.
I had put our relationship on hold and just crumbled and ended things. I still supervise. I cry most days and I don't sleep and honestly see no way out.
ex is the avoildent type and I don't mean that in a bad way its just his way. He just thought as soon as he was cleared things would be fine, he didn't fight any of it.
I'm now begging him to under the pretence of having a better relationship with his child (he does need that) but deep down I just want my life back. reality is he's at peace with me ending things