Rekindling with a partner.

[OceanBreeze19]

Hey

Looking for some advice or how best to approach this situation.

I met a new partner, he was arrested for affray after an altercation with his family member. I drove away, and later took him home. The police arrived at my house and I was informed he had a weapon, at the time I was not aware but I was also arrested with assisting an offender. My partner had been consuming alcohol at the time and is alcohol dependant currently. I was 10ft away in the car with my children and due to this and the fact I was arrested social services were informed.

My children were placed under a police protection order on the day in question, social workers came out to assess the next day, informed me they had no concerns over my children’s safety etc - I have had no prior involment with police or ss and work in a professional role. The police protection was removed the same day by 7pm on the evening. And I had 2 further short visits from social services who decided there was no concerns for escalation and to close the case. During the disussions social services wanted to make sure that I had ended my relationship and that I wouldn’t be allowed to see my partner again.

My question was in relation to my partner. I appreciate fully the risk involved here and wanted to know how best to prove to social services that he made a mistake and wants to prove he isn’t a risk/dangerous.

He’s willing to get help for his alcohol, speak to social services, and work through any courses etc before we even consider restarting the relationship.

Can they stop me seeing him when my children aren’t present away from my home? Or even via phone call/messages?

Once he has been rehabilitated how best is it to discuss reintroducing him in to my life if at all possible?

Thank you

[Winter25]

Hi OceanBreeze19,

I’m really glad you posted, because this is exactly the kind of situation where the approach you take now will make all the difference later.

You are doing two important things already:

You’re not minimising what happened.

You’re asking how to handle things safely and properly.

That is exactly the mindset social services want to see.

Here’s what you need to know.

1. Social Services cannot control your private adult relationships

Social Services cannot legally stop you, seeing a partner when your children are not present, messaging or calling someone, meeting someone outside the home

Unless there is:

a Family Court Order (e.g., a Prohibited Steps Order)

bail conditions

a restraining order

a written safety agreement YOU voluntarily signed that you choose to follow

Your case is now closed, which means:

There is no legal mechanism for them to control your adult life.

What they can do is make a judgment on your protective parenting if you were to reintroduce a partner who poses risk without a proper plan.
That’s the part to manage carefully.

2. The incident he was involved in will be seen as a risk factor

Even though he didn’t harm your children:

-he was intoxicated

-he was involved in violence

-a weapon was mentioned

-he was arrested

-your children were present

-a Police Protection Order was used

This will ALWAYS be treated as a red flag.

But red flags do not mean “no contact forever.”
They mean “only proceed with evidence of change.”

And that is exactly what you’re trying to build.

3. The best thing you can do is slow, structured, and evidence-based progression

If he wants to be seen as safe, the pathway usually looks like this:

Step 1 — He engages with support independently (now, while case is closed)

He should seek:

alcohol support (GP, Turning Point, CGL, local alcohol service)

possibly an anger management or behaviour change course

counselling for the issues behind the altercation

All of this creates paper evidence he is changing.


Step 2 — You keep your distance while he stabilises

That means:

no overnights
no contact around the children
no unsupervised involvement with the children at this stage
any contact with the children (if it happens at all) must be supervised and agreed as part of a clear safety plan

This shows you are protective.

Step 3 — When he has consistent evidence of change (usually a few months minimum)

Then you can think about:

speaking to social services for advice only
explaining you are considering a slow reintroduction
asking what they would need to see

At this point, you are being proactive, safe, and transparent — not hiding anything.

Step 4 — A planned, supervised reintroduction (if SS advise it’s safe)

This is generally:

you seeing him without the children first and later, IF they are satisfied, short supervised interactions around the children

That’s the normal safeguarding pathway.

4. How to talk about it if you approach social services in the future

When the time comes, the safest way to phrase it is:

“I am not rushing into anything. I want to ensure my children stay safe and that any future decision about this relationship is based on professional guidance and clear evidence of change. He is engaging in alcohol support and behaviour change work. I would like advice on what you would need to see before any future contact is considered.”

This shows:

no minimisation
no secrecy
no recklessness
strong protective capacity

That’s exactly what they look for.

5. The biggest risk to you would be secrecy

Keep this in mind:

Social Services are far more concerned about hidden relationships than risky ones managed openly.

You did the right thing asking now.
=====
isclaimer:
I am not an adviser, moderator, or member of FRG staff. I am just a parent with lived experience of the child protection system, sharing information and guidance based on my own case and publicly available law and procedures. Please treat everything I write as peer support, not official advice.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hey

Looking for some advice or how best to approach this situation.

I met a new partner, he was arrested for affray after an altercation with his family member. I drove away, and later took him home. The police arrived at my house and I was informed he had a weapon, at the time I was not aware but I was also arrested with assisting an offender. My partner had been consuming alcohol at the time and is alcohol dependant currently. I was 10ft away in the car with my children and due to this and the fact I was arrested social services were informed.

My children were placed under a police protection order on the day in question, social workers came out to assess the next day, informed me they had no concerns over my children’s safety etc - I have had no prior involment with police or ss and work in a professional role. The police protection was removed the same day by 7pm on the evening. And I had 2 further short visits from social services who decided there was no concerns for escalation and to close the case. During the disussions social services wanted to make sure that I had ended my relationship and that I wouldn’t be allowed to see my partner again.

My question was in relation to my partner. I appreciate fully the risk involved here and wanted to know how best to prove to social services that he made a mistake and wants to prove he isn’t a risk/dangerous.

He’s willing to get help for his alcohol, speak to social services, and work through any courses etc before we even consider restarting the relationship.

Can they stop me seeing him when my children aren’t present away from my home? Or even via phone call/messages?

Once he has been rehabilitated how best is it to discuss reintroducing him in to my life if at all possible?

Thank you

Dear OceanBreeze19

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about your difficult family situation. You explain that you and your family had no previous police or children’s services until recently.

Your partner was arrested for affray with a family member, he had been drinking and he had a weapon. You were also arrested for assisting an offender (as you had driven your partner away although you were unaware until police told you that he had a weapon). Police placed your children under police protection; this shows the seriousness of the situation. They referred to children’s services who visited the next day to assess; they were satisfied that the children were not at risk in your care and so fortunately police protection ended promptly. Following a fuller assessment they were satisfied that the children were safe and agreed to close the case – on the basis that you were no longer in a relationship with your partner, as the concerns relate to him. Before they closed the case, the social worker should have made it clear to you what their response would be if you did resume your relationship.

You are now wondering if this might be possible in the future if your partner addresses his alcohol dependency, undertakes programmes and is willing to work with children’s services.

It is not clear what is happening with the criminal justice process. If your partner is convicted of criminal offences of affray (with a family member) and/or possession of a weapon, then professionals will accept this conviction as evidence that your partner committed a violent act and had a weapon. Even if police do not purse a criminal conviction or he is not found guilty children’s services have already made clear their level of concern about your partner when it comes to your children's safety. So, if you and your partner resume a relationship then it is highly likely that they will become involved again and you should be prepared for this.

The assessment would take account their past involvement, why they closed the case and what the current situation is. Please see this advice about how children’s services work to see how they work with families to support children’s welfare and keep them safe. They are the lead agency in protecting children which is why they may remain or become involved even if police or court involvement ends.

It is good that your partner accepts and is willing to get support around his alcohol dependency, happy to do courses to address his behaviour and is willing to engage with children’s services. You are clearly considering taking things forward in a planned way if you do choose to reconcile.

I would suggest that you contact children’s services directly (in writing) to set out your proposals including providing information about what work your partner has/is planning to do and detailing what your safety plan is. You can request that they do a risk assessment which you will both cooperate with. You can ask their view on this and what they recommend. You would then be in a better place to make an informed decision about your relationship.

You ask if children’s services can stop you seeing or communicating with your partner away from the children. They don't have authority over you as an independent adult who can make her own decisions. However, they can make recommendations about your parenting or parenting decisions where needed to safeguard your children. They look to parents to make protective decisions for their children. And if they are concerned that their recommendations are not being followed and that children are suffering/at risk of significant harm, they can seek legal advice to consider if legal action is needed to protect children. So, if they were worried and can show reasons why they believe that that any contact with your partner could put you/your children at risk they could ask you not to do so. This would come down to their assessment of risk. Unfortunately, we are unable to predict the outcome of an assessment.

I understand that you are weighing up what is best for you and your children and trying to do what is right. You may find it helpful to access emotional support to help you work through the emotional impact on you of the current situation. Please see our useful links pages which have lots of information about helpful services.

If you would like to talk through your situation with an experienced adviser, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, lines are open from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, Mon to Fri (except bank holidays). If you prefer you can post back, send an advice enquiry or use our webchat.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie