Help.

[Winter25]

Hi VG,

I’m glad you updated, and I just want to say first you’re not doing anything wrong here. What you’re describing is sadly very common when one parent shuts the other out after birth, and the court process is a minefield when you’re exhausted and emotional.

A few things to gently reassure you. One respectful message asking about the baby is not harassment. Harassment is repeated, unwanted, aggressive contact. A short, calm message every so ofte, or even pausing contact altogether and letting the court deal with it, will not be held against him. Courts understand that some parents simply refuse to engage.

In terms of evidence, if he represents himself initially, the key things are actually quite simple:
– proof he believes he is the father
– proof he wanted to be involved (messages about the pregnancy, birth, buying baby items, being present)
– proof that contact has been blocked

Screenshots where she spoke positively about him being involved during pregnancy are very relevant, so keep those safe.

About the forms, you’re right that doing too many at once can get overwhelming. In most cases like this, the priority is establishing legal footing first, not fixing everything at once. That usually means:
– sorting parentage / PR
– applying for child arrangements

Things like correcting the birth registration or name changes can come later once the court has seized the case. Courts are generally pragmatic about this.

You’re also right to be cautious about fees. Courts don’t usually reject applications just because wording isn’t perfect, especially for litigants in person, but keeping things focused helps avoid duplication.

On Children’s Services: it’s sensible for him to make himself known, especially if mum has struggled. That shows responsibility form his side of things.

Most importantly, please know that the court does not see a father applying for access as aggressive or problematic. They see it as what it is which is a parent trying to be in their child’s life when they’ve been shut out.

You’re doing an incredible job supporting him through something very painful. This won’t always feel this raw, even though it does right now.