Help.

[Vapegirlclouds]

Hello
Im trying to get advice for my son as he is at crisis point.

Met a girl online, she ended up pregnant.
They attempted living together last year, it didnt go well. She left him the week before Christmas. Went back to her mums around the corner.
Said the house was unsafe for her due to the fact there was a bag of clothes on the floor & he hadn't put rubbish out. He was working 16 hour days & they'd been moved in a few weeks.
Then she wanted every bit of furniture back left him without anything to sit on or sleep in. All to put in storage.
We have helped him get new furniture & set the house up in case ss came around.
He moved jobs, house to try & provide for baby & her.
Social services are involved due to her mental health.
She has stated that social services have said he could be domestically abusing her. She had a team come to her house as she did not want to be sectioned.
They said the domestic abuse was because he said all their money needs to go in a pot for bills, as bills come first, he was the only one working, she quit her job last September.
She said that ss would contact him.

We do that we pool our money for bills.

We are now 3 months on from this, she has become increasingly hostile and erratic throughout the pregnancy.
Son missed 2 antenatal appointments as he had to work, & she said she felt unsupported.
He was allowed at the birth, she asked him to stay in the hospital with her for 3 nights to look after her and baby.
He did everything that first night, all changes etc.
She has admitted leaving him was a big mistake.

They tried to discuss the baby's name next day & she has said baby cannot have his surname & kept bringing up past
Son sobbing in hospital.
He asked her why not, she called the nurse over started to cry & had him kicked out of ward.

Baby isnt even a week old now.
Every time he tries to discuss anything about the baby, she goes to cry. Its been like this pre & post birth.

He has said he doesn't intentionally mean to upset her, but they have to discuss things like adults theyre both responsible for baby. No shes primary carer everything is up to her. She carried him 9 months so its her right to name him, her right to keep him in bedroom.

She has now banned him from seeing baby at all.
Says visits need to be supervised.
Her family won't supervise.

Social services have never actually contacted him.
Hes contacted a solicitor & we're waiting to see if they can help. They have said they can only help if social not investing him.
But surely they would have been in touch beforehand if they were actually investigating him.

Son is absolutely broken, been hysterical crying he just wants to see his son.

My son has many faults but in this situation all he's done is try & is met with wall after wall after wall.
She gets upset, & he gets penalised & cant see baby.

What on earth are we supposed to do. We're the other side of the country.

I think she will register the baby without him as she is refusing to discuss names, refusing to discuss anything.
Says she needs a safe and supportive environment.
Safe and supportive meaning my son isnt allowed to say anything at all regarding his son.
He will obviously have no parental responsibility then.
I was unaware just how many rights men have here. Absolutely none.

As a family we want to support him, in what will be the fight of his life.
He has a recording of her stating she is mentally unwell to look after baby.
When he was allowed over she wouldn't let him take baby out of her bedroom. Son said he was uncomfortable in her room. Said baby needs fresh air. He asked could he take baby in pram. No. Can he hold baby in living room no.
She said she doesnt trust him. He said he's not going to steal the baby, its his son he loves him & wants to bond with him too.
We were due to go in 3 weeks to meet our first grandchild, but now we'll go to support our son as she won't let any of us see him.
What should be the happiest time in my son & our lives has turned into an absolute nightmare.
My son works hard has the house set up for baby, cot, pram, clothes room.
In fact we bought 2 of everything as we told him not to see his son without & to give her everything we bought for baby.

Its an absolute mess.
Yes they did this to themselves with unprotected sex.
I dont understand why people cannot be civil for the sake of the child.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

VG

[Winter25]

Hi VG,

I’m really sorry you and your son are going through this. The first week after a birth is emotionally intense even in stable relationships, and when there’s mental health difficulty, conflict, and exhaustion, things can escalate very quickly.

I’ll be honest but practical, because there are clear next steps here.

At the moment, what you’re describing is mainly a relationship breakdown and a contact dispute. Social services are involved because of her mental health, but they are not the route that will “make her be fair” or force contact informally. The way your son protects his relationship with his baby is through the family court process.

1- The first urgent thing to check is the birth certificate. If parents aren’t married, the father only has automatic parental responsibility if he is named on the birth certificate. If she registers the baby alone, it doesn’t mean he has “no rights”, but it does mean he needs to apply promptly for parental responsibility and a Child Arrangements Order so that he has a formal legal voice.

That is done through a C100 application. With a newborn, courts usually start with short, frequent contact that is safe and realistic, and then build up. The important thing is not to let weeks pass with no pattern, because the longer the situation drifts, the harder it feels emotionally.

The most important practical advice right now is that your son stays very calm and does not get pulled into arguments by text. In high-conflict situations, anything emotional can be misread. No debating money, no debating the surname, no long messages about “rights”. Keep communication simple and baby-focused:

“I hope you and the baby are well. I would like to be involved safely and I’m ready to follow a gradual contact plan.”

On the mental health side, he needs to be careful not to approach this as a battle. If she is struggling, the court’s focus will be support and welfare, not punishment. Any recordings or private information should be kept safely and only discussed with his solicitor if genuinely needed, not used in conflict.

I know it feels like fathers have no say in the early days, but family court does recognise the importance of a father-child bond. The key is moving this out of emotional gatekeeping and into a clear legal structure.
=======
For transparency, I’m not an official adviser, just a parent with lived experience.

[Vapegirlclouds]

Thank you for this.

Yes, she has just publicly posted his full name & photos etc.
My son is heartbroken.

What happens if she registers the birth & he isnt on birth certificate?
What do we need to do then?

Many thanks

[Winter25]

Hi VG,

I’m really sorry, that is upsetting and it’s completely understandable your son feels heartbroken.

On the practical side, try to separate two issues: the social media behaviour, and the legal position.

If she registers the baby without him on the birth certificate, it does not remove him as the father, but it does mean he will not have automatic parental responsibility yet. That is fixable, but he needs to act promptly.

The next steps would usually be:

– He applies to the family court using a C100 for a Child Arrangements Order (contact)
– At the same time, he can apply for Parental Responsibility
– If there is any dispute about paternity, the court can also order a DNA test, but most cases don’t get that far if both accept he is the father

The court can grant PR and put contact arrangements in place even if she registered the baby alone. So it’s not “game over”, but he shouldn’t delay.

On the social media side: posting his full name and photos may feel hostile and immature, but he needs to be very careful not to react emotionally or retaliate online. No arguing publicly, no angry posts, no threats. Everything should stay calm and private, because screenshots get used later.

If the posts become harassing or defamatory, he can speak to his solicitor, but the best thing right now is to stay focused on the legal route for seeing his son. Photos and his name wont harm him.

If he hasn’t already, tomorrow’s priority should be:

Confirm whether he is on the birth certificate

If not, get the C100 application underway immediately

Keep all communication polite and child-focused only.
---------
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Vapegirlclouds]

Thank you, again.
Can we apply to court ourselves or have to go through solicitor?
We aren't loaded at all. But he earns at least 35k so won't be entitled to legal aid.
He has 300 in savings atm and we can give 200.
I can probably fill in forms online, but how to get them to England
I really do appreciate all your help.

We were so so excited for our first grandchild & now it's all just so terribly sad.
Hes asked how baby is & if he can have some photos & shes just ignoring him now.
What a mess

Again we dont have a solicitor yet
As it was an online hook up, my thoughts would be get a paternity test done anyway, you never know.
My son has always wanted a child before they slept together she did state that if she got pregnant she would keep it.

No, I don't knkw what is wrong with young adults these days either.
Completely irresponsible.

Warm regards
Vg

[Winter25]

You’re very welcome, and I’m really sorry this has turned what should be a happy time into something so stressful for your family. What you’re describing is sadly very common in newborn disputes, and it feels incredibly intense because everything is happening so quickly and emotionally.

To answer your question directly, yes, he can apply to court himself. A solicitor is helpful, but it is not required.

Many parents do the first stage themselves, especially when money is tight. The application is called a C100 and it can be completed online through the GOV.UK website. Once submitted, it is automatically sent to the correct family court for the child’s area, so you do not need to physically send anything to England yourself.

The court fee is currently around £232. If he is struggling financially, he may be able to apply for help with fees (form EX160), which can reduce or remove the fee depending on circumstances.

You are right that legal aid is very limited in private law. It usually only applies if someone is a proven victim of domestic abuse or there are child protection proceedings ( Local Authority takes you to court), so most parents either self-represent or use a solicitor for specific advice sessions rather than full representation.

It is also worth being honest but reassuring about cost. Private law cases can become expensive if they run for a long time or become very high conflict. However, early newborn contact cases often start with fairly straightforward interim arrangements, and many parents successfully manage the early hearings themselves.

The most important thing right now is speed and calmness, not perfection.

If she registers the baby without him on the birth certificate, he can still apply for:

• Parental Responsibility
• A Child Arrangements Order for contact

The court can deal with both together. It does not stop him being recognised as the father.

A paternity test can be requested if there is genuine uncertainty, but courts don’t usually order one unless paternity is disputed. If both parties accept he is the father, it often isn’t necessary.

The safest approach for him right now is:

• Start the C100 application as soon as possible
• Keep messages to her calm and child-focused only
• Do not chase, argue, or send emotional messages, even though that is incredibly hard
• Keep copies of all communication

Something simple like:

“I hope you and the baby are well. I would really like to be involved safely and appropriately. Please let me know if I can have updates or photos.”

Even if she ignores him, that shows the court he is being reasonable and child-focused.

I also just want to gently reassure you about something you said. Fathers are not without rights, but those rights usually have to be formalised through court when parents aren’t together. It feels unfair, but it is very common, and many fathers do successfully build strong relationships once orders are in place.
======
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Vapegirlclouds]

Thank you for all this.
He has asked how he is & can he have photos this morning.
I'll look at the forms this afternoon.

He has asked if she has registered the birth and she is ignoring him.

Ive looked at c100 form and it says you can only apply for c100 if you have parental responsibility.
At the moment he has no parental responsibility

I dont know what to do
I've found a C1 form which is for parental responsibility if you cannot reach an agreement with the mother.


Will they have to have mediation before court?
Warmest regards
My deepest thanks
VG

[Winter25]

t’s really understandable this feels confusing, the forms can overlap and it isn’t always explained clearly.

Your son can still apply using a C100 even if he doesn’t currently have parental responsibility. The C100 is the form used to ask the court for arrangements for the child, and he can ask for Parental Responsibility within the same application. Many unmarried fathers do it this way when they are not yet on the birth certificate.

The C1 form is normally used when someone is applying for Parental Responsibility on its own, but where contact is also being refused, it is usually dealt with together through the C100.

Regarding mediation, parents are normally expected to attend a MIAM first, but there are exceptions. Newborn cases, situations where contact is being refused, or where there are allegations between parents are often considered suitable for bypassing mediation. There is a section on the C100 where he can explain if mediation is not appropriate.

He is doing the right thing by asking about the birth registration, but if she registers the baby without him it does not stop him applying to court. It just means the court would also look at parental responsibility as part of the application.

[Vapegirlclouds]

Okay thank you.
She is still ignoring him.

He doesn't want to message her once a day to ask about the baby in case it is considered harassment.
The things she has done so far, he's worried that it will make it worse.

Im going to buy a printer and print out forms here fill them in, then post them to him to submit to the court.
He's still in a bit too much of a mess to do anything.
Hes home alone surrounded by baby things for a baby he can't see.

Still haven't heard from the solicitors either.

If he goes to court and represents himself for the first part what evidence would he need.

This is all such a minefield.

I can print out screenshots where she said it would be lovely if he cut the cord, that all he does is work hard.

Shes blocked my whole family now.
We bought so so much baby stuff, two of everything.
I'm just shocked anyone can be this cruel.
To deny a child a father & whole other family.

I'm sorry i keep asking you a million questions, but I cannot thank you enough for helping us.
It feels like there is no help anywhere.
You are genuinely our only source of help at the moment. Or if it is it costs £500 an hour, the solicitors fees are massive.
I dont know how as a family we can afford it all either.
Its just so so upsetting.

Edit. The mother has sent photos of the baby. The ex is still refusing to talk to him.
The mother has asked if son can send birth photos to the ex.
Why the ex can't communicate like an adult I'll never know.

Ive told him not to ask her mother about birth certificate.
She has very obviously registered the birth without son.


Edit 2.

We came up with a plan & have managed to get £800 together as a family.

Can I have your opinion on this please.
Step 1.
Mediation. Hes phoning today.
Step 2.
Form c63 declaration of parentage & dna
Step 3
C1 form for access
Step 4.
Correct a birth registration & apply to court for name change.
Its a specific order form also c100
I'm buying printer today

Warm regards
VG

Edit 3

Re reading your above post, on the c100 we can write different things? And should just do this and ask for access to child & parental responsibility?
It'll be me filling in forms, I'm sight impaired so want to get everything right.
If we do something wrong I assume they'll be rejected by court & we would have to pay the fee twice?

Also the c100 form says only to fill in section 7.its so confusing