Getting back with ex

[Dnalen121]

Hi after some advice if possible.
My 4 yr old daughter lives with me CAO(im father )in place.
Social services were involved as both myself and mum were in addictive addiction,2 months before my daughter was born I started into recovery an have been clean ever since.
My daughter came to live with me at 8 weeks old and after 6 months with me was removed from child protection an SS advised me to get CAO in place to which I did.
Mean while mum remained in active addiction until 2 yrs ago when she took the steps to change her life and go into recovery and has been doing fantastic ever since.
Recently me an mum have been getting closer again an realise we still love each other an want to try again,not live together but be together in some format,but we agree living together right now is a no no.
Mum has a 14 yr old daughter who was in foster care until 14 months ago and was returned to mums care,as I understand SS are still involved with her daughter,on something possibly called a reunification plan.
My question is will SS accept us trying again?will they get involved again?we have nothing to hard and are willing to co operate with them fully,I'm just curious as to know what road they may want to go down if any.
Hope all that makes sense TIA

[Winter25]

Hi, this does make sense, and well done to both of you for the work you’ve each put into recovery.

The short answer is: yes, social services can accept this, and no, getting back together does not automatically trigger involvement or undo the progress you’ve made.

A few key points that should help put your mind at ease:

First, you already have a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) and your daughter has been living safely and stably with you for years. Social services closed their involvement and advised the CAO precisely because they were satisfied with her care. That doesn’t get undone simply because adults rebuild a relationship.

Second, recovery is recognised as change, especially where it’s sustained. You’ve been clean since before your daughter was born, and mum has been in recovery for two years and has successfully had her older child returned to her care. That is strong evidence of change, not risk.

Third, you’re not proposing to live together. That’s important. Being in a relationship is not the same as cohabiting, and social services cannot dictate adult relationships unless there is a current safeguarding concern. From what you’ve described, there isn’t one.

Fourth, mum’s social services involvement with her older child is separate. A reunification plan for her 14-year-old does not automatically transfer risk to your daughter or reopen your case. Each child and household is assessed individually.

In practical terms, what might happen (and this is the realistic worst case, not the likely one) is:

Social services may ask questions if they become aware,
They may want reassurance that both of you remain stable in recovery,
They may simply note the information and take no action at all.

What they cannot do without evidence is:

Remove your daughter,
Revoke your CAO,
Force you not to have a relationship,
Reopen child protection purely on historic addiction where there is clear, sustained change.

Your approach is exactly right: being open, cooperative, and child-focused. If anything, that works in your favour.

If you want to be extra cautious, some parents in your position choose to:

Keep boundaries clear (which you already are) so that is good

Continue recovery supports,
Document stability (school, routines, health, etc.).

But there’s nothing in what you’ve written that suggests you’re “doing something wrong” or heading for automatic intervention.

You’ve both already done the hardest part in Rebuilding carefully and responsibly is not something social services are meant to punish.
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For transparency: I’m not an adviser here, just a parent with lived experience of LA / SS and courts and sharing what I’ve learned along the way.

[Dnalen121]

Thank you for the reply,very detailed an much appreciated.
We kind of thought this,but sometimes just a niggling thought of what would be the route SS could take is little daunting no matter how well we've done.
Once again thanks for reply,take care.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi after some advice if possible.
My 4 yr old daughter lives with me CAO(im father )in place.
Social services were involved as both myself and mum were in addictive addiction,2 months before my daughter was born I started into recovery an have been clean ever since.
My daughter came to live with me at 8 weeks old and after 6 months with me was removed from child protection an SS advised me to get CAO in place to which I did.
Mean while mum remained in active addiction until 2 yrs ago when she took the steps to change her life and go into recovery and has been doing fantastic ever since.
Recently me an mum have been getting closer again an realise we still love each other an want to try again,not live together but be together in some format,but we agree living together right now is a no no.
Mum has a 14 yr old daughter who was in foster care until 14 months ago and was returned to mums care,as I understand SS are still involved with her daughter,on something possibly called a reunification plan.
My question is will SS accept us trying again?will they get involved again?we have nothing to hard and are willing to co operate with them fully,I'm just curious as to know what road they may want to go down if any.
Hope all that makes sense TIA

Dear Dnalen

Welcome to Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.

My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group and I will respond to your post.

It is commendable that you successfully addressed your addiction so you could have our daughter in your care and for whom you have a live with child arrangement order (CAO).

Well done for caring so well for her over the last 4 years and it appears with no children’s services involvement.

Your daughter’s mother is now herself in recovery and her 14-year-old daughter has been returned to her care. It may be that she remains on a care order whilst the transition plan is worked through, but your daughter’s mother has done extremely well.

Now you both want to try to reconcile, and you are concerned whether this will cause a problem for you with children’s services. I believe if you are open and honest with children’s services and explain how you both plan to ensure the safety of the children, they will work with you to help and support. There may be concerns about how things would be if you were living in the same home as to whether old habits of addiction could resurface.

However, from reading your post and how well you have done caring for your daughter since she was 4 weeks old, I do not think you would now allow any safeguarding concerns to arise.

I note that you have stated that the plan is not to live together now.

It is important that you and her mother work out a plan of how you see things moving forward in a planned and progressive way to ensure that reconciliation is managed to the benefit of both children if you intend at some stage to live together. You may both wish to take time before joining your households and this is the kind of conversation you will need to have together so you are able to discuss with children’s services. For your part, it appears you are not involved with them relating to your daughter, but her mother is still in the process of her daughter coming out of care so it will be necessary for children’s services to assess and monitor how any change might impact her.

An open and frank conversation with children’s services will show that you have both thought this through properly. They cannot prevent you reconciling as they do not have the legal authority to do so. However, they can discuss any concerns relating to safeguarding and make recommendations.

Being open to children’s services is the best way for both of you as it shows you have both considered the two children and are not trying to hide anything.

If you wish to discuss this more with one of our experienced advisers, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie