Help Needed - Mother has disappeared with my son

[sherlock]

Hi all. Thanks for letting me join your group.

I'm at the end of my tether and out of my mind with worry now - any advice, no matter how small would be gratefully received.

Nearly a month ago, out of the blue (although not entirely unexpected) my wife asked if I agreed we should part ways. We've been together 30 years (I'm 50, she's 48) and married for 23. Two days later (a Monday), I wished my son a good day at school and went for a doctors appointment. When I got back 20 minutes later, both had gone - she, I assumed to work, dropping J off at school on the way. When he didn't make it home at 3.30, I started to worry and texted her. It was only at nearly 9pm, with me thinking he was abducted, dead or any manner of other horrible things having befallen him that she texted a neighbour to tell me she had him. I have neither seen or heard from either since.

He has been taken out of school and the headteacher says she knows he is safe but states that she has the right to go and take J anywhere she likes so refused to let me know any more. Same reply from the police.

In addition, J is a particularly sensitive boy who is borderline autistic and does not handle change or new situations well. She is not responding to calls, emails, texts and neither are any of her friends. Even the solicitor says that without an address, we can't even start to put together divorce proceedings or access for me to J (which she was the one who wanted it in the first place!)

I never knew how much it was possible to miss someone this much until now. Life has no meaning anymore and I am out of ideas. Please, can I throw this open to the group? ANY thoughts or ideas are most welcome, and happy to clarify anything as well. A big thank you in advance!

[Winter25]

Hi sherlock,

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you’ve described is terrifying for any parent, and your distress is completely understandable. I did some research to get you some advise

I’ll be honest and clear, because clarity matters right now.

This is not a social services issue at this stage. This is primarily a private family law and safeguarding issue, and the responses you’ve been given so far (by police and school) are unfortunately common, but that does not mean you are powerless.

A few key points you need to know.

First, unless there is a court order saying otherwise, both parents with parental responsibility have equal rights. Your wife does not have “more” right than you simply because she is the mother. However, she is technically allowed to take your son and live elsewhere unless it amounts to a risk of harm or there is a court order preventing it. That is why the police are saying it is a civil matter.

That said, withholding a child entirely and cutting off contact for weeks is NOT okay, and family courts take this extremely seriously, especially when the child has additional needs.

Second, the school is partly right and partly wrong. They cannot give you her address, but they do have safeguarding duties. If they genuinely know your son is safe, they should be recording how they know this. You are entitled to ask the school (in writing) for confirmation of:

when your son was removed from roll

whether they have been given proof of his new school placement

what safeguarding checks they have made

This matters, especially for a child with SEN.

Third, the solicitor is wrong about one important thing. You do not need her address to start court action.

You can urgently apply to the family court for:

a Child Arrangements Order, and

a Specific Issue / Prohibited Steps Order, and

if appropriate, an urgent without-notice hearing

Courts deal with “address unknown” cases all the time. The court can:

order disclosure of her location

order immediate contact (even indirect at first)

involve Cafcass urgently

make directions to protect your son’s emotional wellbeing

The fact your son is described as borderline autistic and sensitive to change is very important. Sudden removal, no contact, and instability are all factors the court will be concerned about.

Fourth, your mental state matters too. When you say “life has no meaning anymore,” that is a huge red flag for how much pain you’re in. Please don’t carry this alone. If you feel overwhelmed or unsafe, speak to your GP or call Samaritans (116 123). You deserve support while you fight for your son.

What I would strongly suggest you do next, in this order:

Contact a different family solicitor immediately, ideally one experienced in urgent child arrangements. Many will offer a free initial call. Ask specifically about an urgent without-notice application.

Write to the school, calmly and factually, asking for safeguarding confirmation as above.

Document everything: dates, messages, lack of replies, impact on you and your son.

If you cannot get legal help quickly, you can apply to court yourself using a C100 form, marking it as urgent.

You have done nothing wrong by asking for help. What you’re describing is not “normal separation behaviour,” and the family court exists precisely for situations like this.

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For transparency

I am not an adviser or affiliated with FRG.
I am a parent with lived experience of the child protection and court system who provides peer support based on law, procedure, and real-world strategy. Everything I write is to help you feel informed, prepared, and empowered.