Feel social services do not believe me/ favour the abusive parent

[WalnutSW236]

Hello, I had a meeting last week for my child with social services under a section 17. My child has made disclosures of sexual abuse against their other parent to me. This was investigated by the police but no further action taken due to no evidence. I am very worried for my child and the engagement with social services has been extremely poor. We finally had our first meeting with everyone present and they spent the first few minutes thanking the other parent for being so cooperative and engaging with unsupervised contact, talking about hard that must have been for them. It was several minutes in before I was invited to speak or give an update regarding my child. The focus appeared to be predominantly on thanking and supporting my ex and not even about our child who is struggling enormously. The tone the social worker used towards my ex and I was very different and I felt she was dismissive and curt with me. I suspect my ex is making claims of parental alienation despite the fact that we had a positive coparenting relationship up until the point the allegations were made and the fact that I am the one offering regular supervised contact between them and our child. I am bending over backwards to facilitate my child’s relationship with their other parent and to be the protective parent that seeks support for my child and I am being treated with suspicion and irritation (in my eyes). I don’t know what to do.

[Winter25]

I’ve just finished reading your post, and I want to say this clearly based on what you have said in your message.
You are not imagining this. What you experienced in that meeting is a very common , and very dangerous, dynamic in cases involving allegations of sexual abuse where there has been a police NFA.

You are being treated as the “problem parent” because you were the one who raised the disclosure.
Your ex is being treated as “cooperative” because they are the parent who denies risk.

This is not neutrality, it is bias.

It is happening in cases across the country, and it places children at significant risk because professionals lean towards the parent who makes their job easier, not the parent who is actually protective.

Let me break down what’s going on, and how you can regain control.

1. The NFA Does NOT clear your ex

“No Further Action” is not a finding of innocence.
It simply means: “we do not have enough evidence for a charge at this time.”

In CSA cases, this is extremely common because:

disclosures are often delayed

evidence is rarely physical

children may be too young to give ABE-level testimony

abusers groom children into silence

Social Services should know that 80–90% of sexual abuse cases never reach charge.
A Police NFA does not mean your child is safe.

2. Your social worker’s behaviour is a red flag

Thanking an alleged perpetrator first, praising them for “cooperating,” and ignoring the protective parent until several minutes into the meeting is not good practice. It is not neutral.

It signals:

they have already labelled you as “hostile,” “difficult,” or “alienating”

they are falling into the “false allegations / parental alienation” narrative

they are minimising your child’s disclosures

they are prioritising adult comfort over child safety

Professionally, this is unacceptable.

3. You are being punished for being protective

You are facilitating supervised contact.
You are supporting your child’s emotional needs.
You are engaging with services.
You are not blocking the relationship.

Your ex, meanwhile, may be making vague claims of “alienation,” and professionals are gravitating toward that because it is easier than facing the actual allegations.

This dynamic happens constantly in cases of CSA.
Protective parents are re-labelled as obstructive.

4. You need to formally challenge the bias, in writing

Right now, everything is happening verbally.
That is how Local Authorities avoid accountability.

You need to immediately send this email to the social worker and the team manager.
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Subject: Request for Immediate Clarification and Rebalance of Section 17 Meeting – Child Sexual Abuse Concerns

Dear [SW] and [Team Manager],

I am writing following the Section 17 meeting on [date], as I left feeling extremely concerned that the focus of the meeting strayed away from my child’s welfare and instead prioritised adult comfort and reassurance.

At the start of the meeting, significant praise and supportive comments were directed toward the other parent, while I was not invited to speak until several minutes later. Given that it is my child who has made disclosures of sexual abuse, and I am the parent responsible for reporting those concerns and supporting their emotional wellbeing, I found the imbalance in tone and engagement deeply troubling.

I would like clarity on the following:

How my child’s disclosures are being assessed under Working Together 2018 and the Child Sexual Abuse Strategy.

Why the meeting began by praising the alleged perpetrator rather than discussing my child’s disclosures and wellbeing.

Confirmation that any suggestions of “parental alienation” are evidence-based and not assumptions. I have maintained supervised contact between my child and the other parent and have actively encouraged their relationship where safe.

A clear outline of what support is being offered to my child, who is currently struggling significantly.

Confirmation that my role as the protective parent will be acknowledged and that meetings will be chaired in a way that reflects the child’s needs as the primary focus.

I remain fully committed to safeguarding my child. I ask that all future communication and decision-making accurately reflects the seriousness of the disclosures made and avoids minimising or reframing them.

Kind regards,
[Your Name]
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Why this works for you

It records the bias.

It forces them to justify decisions in writing.

It stops the “alienation” narrative from being used without evidence.

It places the legal burden back on them to follow CSA procedures.

It positions you as calm, rational, and protective, which is critical.

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For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

Please note: The forum admins have now restricted me to two public posts per week, so I cannot reply to everyone. If you need more advice or help, please send me a Direct Message (DM) by clicking the speech bubble next to my name.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello, I had a meeting last week for my child with social services under a section 17. My child has made disclosures of sexual abuse against their other parent to me. This was investigated by the police but no further action taken due to no evidence. I am very worried for my child and the engagement with social services has been extremely poor. We finally had our first meeting with everyone present and they spent the first few minutes thanking the other parent for being so cooperative and engaging with unsupervised contact, talking about hard that must have been for them. It was several minutes in before I was invited to speak or give an update regarding my child. The focus appeared to be predominantly on thanking and supporting my ex and not even about our child who is struggling enormously. The tone the social worker used towards my ex and I was very different and I felt she was dismissive and curt with me. I suspect my ex is making claims of parental alienation despite the fact that we had a positive coparenting relationship up until the point the allegations were made and the fact that I am the one offering regular supervised contact between them and our child. I am bending over backwards to facilitate my child’s relationship with their other parent and to be the protective parent that seeks support for my child and I am being treated with suspicion and irritation (in my eyes). I don’t know what to do.

Dear WalnutSW236

Welcome to the parents’ board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about your difficult family situation. You are worried as your child told you their other parent sexually abused them. I understand how distressing that is. Police investigated but closed the case due to a lack of evidence. You have offered supervised contact to your child’s other parent since then as you wish your child to have a sustained relationship with them. Unfortunately, you say that your child is struggling a lot.

Children’s services are involved with your family under a child in need process. You had a recent child in need meeting where you felt that the social worker was biased towards your child’s other parent and dismissive towards you. You think there was insufficient focus on your child’s needs. You are worried that the other parent may have made allegations of parental alienation against you. I am sorry that you felt the meeting was not managed fairly and that you were treated with suspicion when you are trying your best to keep your child safe and to have a continued relationship with their other parent.

I will focus on the child in need plan and your concerns about how the social worker interacted with both parents. It is important that everyone involved is clear about the focus and recommendations of the child in need plan.

There are several things you can do:

• Check that you have a copy of your child’s child in need assessment and child in need plan and that you agree with the recommendations. The assessment should include an assessment of risk and details about what contact the social worker recommends and why. Child in need is a voluntary process; the social worker should agree the plan with you.
• Any concerns raised by the other parent about parental alienation should have been recorded in the social worker's report. But if it is not, and as you are worried about it, you could email the social to ask them to clarify if the parent made these allegations so that you can then respond.
• The social worker should work with both parents. It is best to continue to focus on all that you are doing to care for and protect your child. However, as you felt that the social worker treated you unfairly in the meeting you should let them know this by emailing or discussing with them. If you remain concerned the next step would be to contact their manager by phone or email to discuss. You can ask for a change of social worker, but it is at the manager’s discretion whether they agree. This guide to working with a social worker provides tips about how to manage this working relationship.
• If you are unable to resolve your concerns with the social worker and manager, then you could make a complaint. You can find out more here .
• You are probably already documenting your child’s emotional responses before and after they see their other parent. As they are struggling, it is important that you let the professionals know how they are being affected, referring to your observations and asking how they can best support you and your child.
• If the current arrangements are not working for your child, you should let the social worker know and discuss what you suggest might be better. Your child’s plan can and should be reviewed regularly.

The following organisations offer guidance and emotional support to families who are struggling with difficult issues including concerns around sexual abuse and contact arrangements:

Action for Children
NSPCC
Stop It Now
We Stand.

I don’t know if there is a private law court case or whether you have had private law advice about contact. As this is not an area that we advise on, it may be helpful for you to know where you can get this legal advice or support, now or in the future, if you need it. The services below may be useful:

• Rights of Women
• Child Law Advice
• Affordable Justice
• Support Through Court .

I hope this helps. If you would like to discuss your situation with an experienced adviser, please call our confidential freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, please post back, send an advice enquiry form or use webchat.

With best wishes

Suzie