Worst weeks of my life

[Cloudtop]

I am grateful these organisations and forums exist because I see a lot of people getting help and advice that they maybe couldn't before. Thanks for the work you do.

My partner and I are expecting a baby in 2 months.

The last 3 weeks have been very difficult on me and my parents.

My dad is on the sex offenders register until January 17th, about 3 weeks after the due date of my baby.

Unfortunately nearly 7 years ago he was charged with possession of IIOC. Despite the short possible cross over between baby born and his time left on the register his PPU/PPO informed child services that he was expecting a grandchild. 7 years later, when he is so close to getting off the register, this has all come back to haunt him and my mum and myself.

Here's the kicker, and for wrong or for right, my partner doesn't know about his offense. Me and her weren't living together at the time I found out and I'd hoped it was all in the past. My dad has complied with all terms of his registration, he had a 12 week community sentence and wore a tag, didn't break the terms of curfew and importantly he has completed a Safer Lives course as part of his rehab and counselling. Because of this and because of the shame and stigma around the crime then we'd agreed not to share this information. I certainly never had any ideas that children's services would be involved in our life.

I've had several meetings and conversations with CS trying to make them understand that my dad is not a risk, but of course what he has done is despicable and doesn't look good on paper, but he is deeply remorseful and depressed at what he has put his family through. I want to stress there was no contact physically or otherwise with children. It was solely possession.

We've also shown intent to work with them so that my partner wouldn't have to find out, to put in place safeguarding measures, such as no unsupervised contact for a time that suits CS.

I think CS have had a strategy meeting and whatever the outcome was, they still need to involve themselves and need to inform my partner of the situation. I am going to tell her tonight. I am terrified of the outcome but also terrified of how it will effect her when she is 31 weeks pregnant. Blame me for not telling her before, but as I said i thought this was in the past, my dad had served his punishment (very close to coming of register) and hoped it would never effect her.

I'm angry, I feel powerless, I feel there's no common sense or consideration for humanity here, but reading other posts I see good advice and hope I can also benefit from sharing on here.

Sorry if I'm been too vague regarding where CS are with this. I hope to speak with them today to find out more, if it was a strategy meeting what was the outcome and why they still need to be involved. I know of section 47 and 17 level enquiries. I don't know if that's where they have got to now. I'm asking them to put into writing.

Thanks in advance. What should be a special time for me and my partner is becoming a nightmare and I'm so sorry I have to bring her in to this mess

[winmau]

Hi, Could you please check your private messages at the hop of the page. Thank you.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Cloudtop

Welcome to Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting. Thank you also for highlighting the work and help offered by forums generally and our own.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will respond to your post today.

You and your partner are expecting your by in couple of months but, due to family history of a conviction related to sexual offence, children’s services have received a referral regarding your father’s conviction in respect of downloading indecent images of children (IIOC). His offence was nearly 7 years ago, and his sex offender registration is due to end a couple of weeks after your baby’s birth. Children’s service will continue to have concerns even if someone is no longer on the Sex Offenders Register.

Whilst I can understand your position and the frustration you feel now regarding children’s services involvement and views, it is important that you recognise and understand their safeguarding role for children. You mention in your post that there was no contact with children as far as your father was concerned. However, for images to be made children were harmed and showing an understanding of this is important when dealing with children’s services.

I also understand the reluctance to share information of this nature for the family. This could be seen as not recognising safeguarding concerns. Your partner and others with children being oblivious are not given the opportunity to make an informed decision about their children’s safety. Your father, you say is remorseful about his past behaviour and this is very much a positive which means his contact with your child and others can be managed appropriately.

Whilst your partner may be unhappy that you kept the information from her, she needs to be told, and it is good that you have decided to do this. Now, you can both work together with children’s services to ensure that their concerns can be addressed positively by both of you. It is absolutely, right that you are thinking in terms of ensuring safeguarding such as no unsupervised contact. Personal care for a child would also be important to think about.

You may both benefit with help and support offered by the Lucy Faithfull Foundation who offer advice for offenders and non-offending family members where there are concerns related to sexual offences/abuse. Here is their telephone number 0808 100 0900and website

Here is information from our website A-Z of terms related to sexual abuse

Once children’s services receive a referral there is statutory guidance on how they should proceed. This includes having a strategy meeting. The meeting includes safeguarding professionals and will decide the next step, namely which assessment should be done. As you mentioned this could be section 47 child protection or section 17 child in need to assess the family’s needs. The social worker will inform you of the outcome and what assessment he or she will be doing.

You can read more about children's services procedures HERE. Also our guide working with a social worker which may be useful to you.

I suggest that you and your partner work as openly and honestly with children's services as you can to get the best outcome for your family.

I hope this is helpful to you but should you wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9:30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

You can also contact us using the web enquiry form and there is Webchat on Monday and Thursday between 2.00pm and 4.00pm.

Best wishes

Suzie