Haven't been allowed access to my children for 14 months

[Superbia82]

Hi all,

In September 3rd 2024, I was arrested for sexual communication with two children under 16. Something I'm extremely embarrassed and it's something I regret and have no excuse over. I'm not looking for any judgement but just need some advice.

I have two children who are now aged 10 and 15. Both know about everything that has happened as well.

Now this is where I need a lot of help. I was arrested and questioned that night last year in September but that was the first and very last time I have had any official communication with the police. I was initially on bail for 3 months, that was then extended 3 more months and once again 3 more after. Each time this happened I only found out about it when going to my bail signing appointment.

Now since June this year when my 3rd extended bail expired it was not extended and I was told I would not be on bail but under investigation. Again only found out by phoning up the police and asking what happens now.

So for now nearly 14 months , my ex who is the mum of my girls, is refusing me to have any contact whatsoever with them, including blocking me on their phones and never seeing them at all.

Social originally did a safety assessment from September to December last year which said the girls would benefit from seeing me but since December last year social haven't spoken to me at all.

Now I do see my eldest one day a week for a few minutes when she is on the way home from school and she has begged her social worker at school to allow her and her sister to see me. Both really want to see me and spend time with me, as both girls were very close to me before all this.

Is there any help I can get? As I have already missed over a year of their lives and knowing both want to see me and knowing I could not be charged for months still, I desperately don't want to wait months and months before I can see them again

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Superbia82

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser at Family Rights Group and will be replying to you today. I am sorry to hear of your situation, it must be a stressful time for you.

You were arrested in September 2024 for sexual communications with two children. You were placed on bail until June 2025, this is now expired. You remain under investigation by the police. You raise concerns about police communications regarding your bail conditions. I think it would be a good idea to discuss your concerns with them, to initially raise with the police officer in charge of your case. If you are not satisfied with their response you may wish to make a formal complaint to the police. I have added HERE the details of the Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOCP). This is the official body for complaints regarding the police service.

At the point of your arrest, children’s services become involved, a safety plan was put in place and due to bail conditions, contact between you and your children was prohibited. Since this time, you have had little (if any) contact with children’s services and the children’s mother is refusing to agree to contact between you and your children.

You are having a ‘few minutes’ contact with your fifteen-year-old child on her way home from school. During this time, she has told you she misses you and wants to spend time with you. Further your daughter has ‘begged’ the social worker at school to allow her and her sister to have contact with you.

You are concerned that the situation is drifting, that you have not had meaningful contact with your children for 14 months and are worried about the impact of this on them and your relationship with them. You are seeking advice and information regarding what support might be available to you.

You retain parental responsibility for your children. Now that bail conditions have been remove there is no legal remit for you not to have contact with your children. Children’s services do not have jurisdiction (authority) to enforce ‘no contact’ between you and your children. They made this request and your and your ex partner agreed to adhere to it which was positive and demonstrates your ability to work with them. However, it is important to note, they should you now move to contact with your children, without their knowledge and input, they may escalate matters if the agree safety plan are not adhered to. I would strongly advise you to seek a meeting with children’s services to discuss your daughter’s wishes and feelings and to refrain from opportune meet ups with her to avoid accusations of breeching any safety plan agreements. Whilst the agreement made is not legally binding, it may be used as evidence that you are not sticking to agreed plans.

You do not say whether your children are subject to a plan by the local authority ie. child protection or child in need. If they are on a plan then I suggest you go through the points that need to be achieved to allow safe contact whilst the investigation continues and to discuss and agree a way forward with the allocated social worker.

If the children are not subject to a plan then it would be a good idea to ask children’s services to complete a risk assessment for contact to be managed. If they are not willing to undertake this and are keen to maintain the current arrangements, you may wish to seek guidance from the court. You can do this by making an application for a child arrangements order. In doing so, a court will decide whom a child lives with and what type and level of contact they have with their parents. There is a process to this and I have added a link HERE for your further information and guidance.

I have added some further information HERE from the Stop it Now campaign. They provide support, guidance and courses for people who have been arrested for child online abuse. They can also provide specialised risk assessments which can be commissioned by the local authority. There are several different ways you can reach out to them. Please do check out their website.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie