discharging SGO due to domestic violence

[GJTGU2]

Our family have been subjecting us to domestic violence for the past 3 years.

My parents have been allowing my sister to poison me and my son for the past 3 years.

I have reported this to the police, and the police have stated that because I 'have no evidence', they have to let my parents keep my son, even though he is in danger with them.

I have reported the domestic violence to social services also, they have stated the same thing as the police, that I have no evidence, and have stated that if I want for my child to be taken away from my parents, then I have to seek legal advice.

There is no other evidence, apart from, the pain and suffering I have had since they have started poisoning us 3 years ago, and the fact that I have sought medical help upon many occasions.

I do not want for my son and I to suffer because of our family any longer, please could somebody help?

[Winter25]

Hi GJTGU2,

I can hear how frightening this has been for you. It sounds like you’ve been living under a lot of fear and confusion for a long time, and I want to understand your situation clearly before offering advice, so I can give you something genuinely useful and safe.

Would you mind clarifying a few things for me? It will really help me to see the full picture.

About the SGO – When was the Special Guardianship Order made, and what were the main reasons given by the court or social services at the time for your parents caring for your son?

About the poisoning concerns – When did you first start noticing these symptoms in yourself and your son, and what kind of symptoms have you both experienced?

Medical investigations – Have doctors ever run blood tests or toxicology screens, or mentioned any specific substances or medical explanations?

Your sister’s involvement – You mentioned your sister is the one poisoning you. Can you explain how you know this, or what makes you believe she is the one responsible?

Current involvement of professionals – Are children’s services still in touch with you, or is the case fully closed under your parents’ care? Do you have a named social worker or GP you’ve spoken to recently about this?

Your own wellbeing – You’ve been coping with this for three years; that’s a long time under stress. Have you been offered any support for yourself, like counselling or speaking with a mental health team?

You don’t have to go into every detail if it’s upsetting, but any context you can give will help work out what practical next steps might actually make a difference for you and your son.
===============
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Our family have been subjecting us to domestic violence for the past 3 years.

My parents have been allowing my sister to poison me and my son for the past 3 years.

I have reported this to the police, and the police have stated that because I 'have no evidence', they have to let my parents keep my son, even though he is in danger with them.

I have reported the domestic violence to social services also, they have stated the same thing as the police, that I have no evidence, and have stated that if I want for my child to be taken away from my parents, then I have to seek legal advice.

There is no other evidence, apart from, the pain and suffering I have had since they have started poisoning us 3 years ago, and the fact that I have sought medical help upon many occasions.

I do not want for my son and I to suffer because of our family any longer, please could somebody help?

Dear GJTGU2,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thankyou for your post. My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser for Family Rights Group. You can click on the hyperlinks in my answer to take you to more information and advice on our website.

I am sorry to hear about this very distressing situation. It sounds like you are very worried about your son, and also about your own safety.

From the information given it sounds like your parents have parental responsibility for your son, under a special guardianship order. If this is the case then children’s services and the police are correct in advising you to seek legal advice if you would like the order to be discharged (ended). It would be best to get legal advice from the solicitor who represented you in the previous court proceedings, as they will know the details of your case well. You would need to get permission from the court to make an application to discharge the order. If the order is ended and you regain full parental responsibility for your son then you can remove him from your parents’ care.

I am sorry to hear that you feel that your concerns are not being taken seriously by the police or by children’s services. I can only advise you to continue reporting your concerns and to seek medical advice and support if you believe that either you or your son have been poisoned. Please call 999 in an emergency.

I am unclear if you have contacted adult social services but if you feel that you are a vulnerable adult and you are being abused then you can report your concerns to adult social services.

If you feel unsafe where you are living (I am unclear whether you are living in the same household as your sister and your parents) then please seek advice from the housing department or a charity such as Shelter to explore your housing options.

And finally I would encourage you to seek emotional support. If you are not living with your son then you might find it helpful to call MATCH mothers as they offer emotional support to mothers who are living apart from their children.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[GJTGU2]

Thank you for reading my message on here and thank you for replying to my message.

This whole situation has been so terrifying that I am living in fear every day, that they are going to repeat the same thing (poison us) again, and that they will do something worse to us.

I will answer your questions, and I really am hoping to get as much help as I can, because I need to remove my son out of this terrible situation.

I was in a relationship where my now ex-partner was subjecting me to domestic violence, and I became of very ill health, and although, because my family were abusive towards me, I did not agree with them having SGO for my son, my solicitor at the time told me that unless I agreed with the SGO in favour of my parents, I would not see my son again. I felt forced into agreeing with an order I never should have agreed with in the first place.

We have been poisoned since March 2023 by our family, this has been through illegal substances in spray form and substances placed in food too.

Once, when my sister gave my son some food with poisonous substances in it, my son suffered of not being able to hear or speak for over a week.

We have had stomach aches, both me and my son, and we have had dizziness and vomiting too, and I have had weakness in my body, so has my son.

I have been to NHS accident and emergency so many times, and have had tests done at GP and accident and emergency, to the point where, now, I have sought help from a private doctor, so that they can run further tests, so that I can save us from this situation with solid proof, and hopefully, I can.

Social services have not told me anything other than that should I wish to have my son removed from my parents' and my sister's access, I need to seek legal advice, they have not allocated a social worker as they should do and they have not taken steps top remove my son either, which is ever so frightening.

Police have stated that they cannot place my son under police protection, because I have no evidence, but this is frightening to hear, because how am I supposed to get evidence? I cannot leave my son in the position of being left with people who have been poisoning and harming him, and what if the substance which they have been exposing him to damages him in a long-term way? I need to save my son.

I have requested a letter from my GP regarding the domestic violence that we have been suffering, so that I have get legal aid to apply to court to have SGO discharged urgently, but she told me that she would have to review my request and get back to me within 2-3 weeks.

This is an excruciating situation to be in, please help me if anybody can help?

Hi GJTGU2,

I can hear how frightening this has been for you. It sounds like you’ve been living under a lot of fear and confusion for a long time, and I want to understand your situation clearly before offering advice, so I can give you something genuinely useful and safe.

Would you mind clarifying a few things for me? It will really help me to see the full picture.

About the SGO – When was the Special Guardianship Order made, and what were the main reasons given by the court or social services at the time for your parents caring for your son?

About the poisoning concerns – When did you first start noticing these symptoms in yourself and your son, and what kind of symptoms have you both experienced?

Medical investigations – Have doctors ever run blood tests or toxicology screens, or mentioned any specific substances or medical explanations?

Your sister’s involvement – You mentioned your sister is the one poisoning you. Can you explain how you know this, or what makes you believe she is the one responsible?

Current involvement of professionals – Are children’s services still in touch with you, or is the case fully closed under your parents’ care? Do you have a named social worker or GP you’ve spoken to recently about this?

Your own wellbeing – You’ve been coping with this for three years; that’s a long time under stress. Have you been offered any support for yourself, like counselling or speaking with a mental health team?

You don’t have to go into every detail if it’s upsetting, but any context you can give will help work out what practical next steps might actually make a difference for you and your son.
===============
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[GJTGU2]

Dear Suzie,

Thank you for taking the time to read my message, and for your advice also.

When they do poison us, it is very difficult to call the police (999), because they have prevented me at the time every time, and they are very aggressive people, I can't even call 999 and then press 55, like I have been told to do so by different professionals, because I cannot prove it that we have been poisoned.

I am trying to get proof via private medical sector now, and through applying to court to discharge SGO I am trying to help my son, but it all depends on whether I can obtain a letter confirming that I have been through domestic violence, and whether I will even survive until then, due to the effects of the substances they are using on us.

This is more than a difficult situation to be in, thank you for providing this forum for people like me.

Best wishes

Our family have been subjecting us to domestic violence for the past 3 years.

My parents have been allowing my sister to poison me and my son for the past 3 years.

I have reported this to the police, and the police have stated that because I 'have no evidence', they have to let my parents keep my son, even though he is in danger with them.

I have reported the domestic violence to social services also, they have stated the same thing as the police, that I have no evidence, and have stated that if I want for my child to be taken away from my parents, then I have to seek legal advice.

There is no other evidence, apart from, the pain and suffering I have had since they have started poisoning us 3 years ago, and the fact that I have sought medical help upon many occasions.

I do not want for my son and I to suffer because of our family any longer, please could somebody help?

Dear GJTGU2,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thankyou for your post. My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser for Family Rights Group. You can click on the hyperlinks in my answer to take you to more information and advice on our website.

I am sorry to hear about this very distressing situation. It sounds like you are very worried about your son, and also about your own safety.

From the information given it sounds like your parents have parental responsibility for your son, under a special guardianship order. If this is the case then children’s services and the police are correct in advising you to seek legal advice if you would like the order to be discharged (ended). It would be best to get legal advice from the solicitor who represented you in the previous court proceedings, as they will know the details of your case well. You would need to get permission from the court to make an application to discharge the order. If the order is ended and you regain full parental responsibility for your son then you can remove him from your parents’ care.

I am sorry to hear that you feel that your concerns are not being taken seriously by the police or by children’s services. I can only advise you to continue reporting your concerns and to seek medical advice and support if you believe that either you or your son have been poisoned. Please call 999 in an emergency.

I am unclear if you have contacted adult social services but if you feel that you are a vulnerable adult and you are being abused then you can report your concerns to adult social services.

If you feel unsafe where you are living (I am unclear whether you are living in the same household as your sister and your parents) then please seek advice from the housing department or a charity such as Shelter to explore your housing options.

And finally I would encourage you to seek emotional support. If you are not living with your son then you might find it helpful to call MATCH mothers as they offer emotional support to mothers who are living apart from their children.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[Winter25]

Hi GJTGU2,

I can see how desperate you feel to protect your son. You’ve done the right thing by continuing to raise your concerns and by seeking medical help and legal advice , both of those routes will matter if you want to challenge the SGO safely.

Because the court already made an order placing your son under your parents’ care, the only lawful way to change that is through an application to discharge the Special Guardianship Order. You’ll need:

A solicitor (ideally one who specialises in children and family law),

Some form of objective evidence of risk or harm,

And possibly permission from the court to apply, depending on your legal status in the case.

You mentioned you’re trying to get your GP’s letter, that’s a good step. If your GP delays, you could:

Ask if another doctor in the same practice can provide a short summary of your domestic abuse history just to support your legal aid application.

Show any existing hospital discharge notes or A&E records that describe the symptoms or concerns; even if they don’t mention poisoning, they demonstrate that you’ve sought help repeatedly.

At the same time, I’d strongly encourage you to get emotional and safeguarding support while you work on the legal side:

Contact Adult Social Care in your local council and say you are an adult at risk of abuse.

Call Women’s Aid or another DV service, they can help you safety-plan even while you’re gathering evidence.

Keep attending your private doctor for proper tests, written medical results carry far more weight than personal observation when courts or police are involved.

Finally, I know it’s exhausting when nobody seems to listen. Keep everything in writing and keep copies of every report, GP note, or test result you get. Those documents will matter more than anything said verbally.

[GJTGU2]

Hi Winter25,

Thank you for your reply, I am sorry, I have been trying to get some help with this situation, and have not had the chance to check the forum.

I have requested a domestic violence letter from my GP, however, she has asked for a lot of time to even consider it!

I have another appointment due with a different GP in the same surgery soon, so I am going to ask for a letter from him also, as you suggested too.

I will be having 3 different types of private tests done by a private GP soon, maybe I will be able to find some evidence this way?!

I have requested my medical notes from my doctors so that the private GP might be able to provide me with a letter detailing domestic violence, this way I could applying to discharge SGO quicker maybe, and on legal aid, because discharging SGO is going to cost me at least £7,000 at least otherwise.

I have not been able to get social services or police to listen to me properly, they keep saying that I have no evidence, and they are not helping, even though, because there is no evidence, the situation my son is in is EVEN MORE dangerous.

I think that in these types of cases, the police and social services should be able to challenge the SGO urgently, this is a very dangerous position for my son to be left in.

I have a safety planning session booked with Women's Aid soon too, and I received and sent a letter from Gaddum confirming that I had received their support regarding the domestic violence, which i sent to the solicitors which may be able to help me. I don't know if this letter will be sufficient though!

I wish I could do something about this situation urgently, this is the most difficult situation for a mum to be in.

Best wishes,

Hi GJTGU2,

I can see how desperate you feel to protect your son. You’ve done the right thing by continuing to raise your concerns and by seeking medical help and legal advice , both of those routes will matter if you want to challenge the SGO safely.

Because the court already made an order placing your son under your parents’ care, the only lawful way to change that is through an application to discharge the Special Guardianship Order. You’ll need:

A solicitor (ideally one who specialises in children and family law),

Some form of objective evidence of risk or harm,

And possibly permission from the court to apply, depending on your legal status in the case.

You mentioned you’re trying to get your GP’s letter, that’s a good step. If your GP delays, you could:

Ask if another doctor in the same practice can provide a short summary of your domestic abuse history just to support your legal aid application.

Show any existing hospital discharge notes or A&E records that describe the symptoms or concerns; even if they don’t mention poisoning, they demonstrate that you’ve sought help repeatedly.

At the same time, I’d strongly encourage you to get emotional and safeguarding support while you work on the legal side:

Contact Adult Social Care in your local council and say you are an adult at risk of abuse.

Call Women’s Aid or another DV service, they can help you safety-plan even while you’re gathering evidence.

Keep attending your private doctor for proper tests, written medical results carry far more weight than personal observation when courts or police are involved.

Finally, I know it’s exhausting when nobody seems to listen. Keep everything in writing and keep copies of every report, GP note, or test result you get. Those documents will matter more than anything said verbally.

[Winter25]

Hi GJTGU2,

Thank you for your update, and please do not apologise. You are dealing with an extremely serious and distressing situation, and you have every right to seek help urgently. There is nothing to apologise for. In fact, the steps you are taking show clear determination to protect your son, and that is what matters most.

What you are experiencing is not unusual in cases involving Special Guardianship Orders (SGOs). Once an SGO is made, professionals will not intervene unless you can present new, credible evidence of harm or risk that was not available during the original court proceedings. That is why they keep saying “there is no evidence”. It is not because they don’t care, it is because the law requires a high threshold to override an existing court order.

This is why the process must now be strategic and evidence-led.

Why the DV Letter Matters

To apply for legal aid to discharge an SGO, you must provide evidence that:

You are a victim of domestic abuse, or

The child is at risk of harm in the current placement.

A short letter confirming you have disclosed domestic abuse and have sought support is enough to meet the domestic violence evidence gateway for legal aid. It does not need to go into full detail or prove poisoning. The purpose is to open the legal door so a solicitor can act immediately.

Your letter from Gaddum may already be sufficient, especially when combined with confirmation from Women’s Aid after your safety planning session. You do not need to wait for a perfect document , you need a document that confirms you are seeking support as a victim of domestic abuse. That alone may unlock legal aid.

The Correct Next Steps (In Order of Priority)

1. Request the DV letter again from the GP, using clear legal wording.
For example:

“I am requesting a letter confirming I have disclosed domestic abuse in order to apply for legal aid to protect my child. This is not for clinical opinion, it is to meet the Legal Aid Agency Domestic Violence Evidence Criteria.”

If your GP delays again, ask another GP in the same practice, as you are already planning to do.

2. Your Women’s Aid safety planning session is crucial.
Ask them directly for a confirmation letter stating you have engaged with them as a victim of domestic abuse. Women’s Aid letters are accepted as valid evidence for legal aid.

3. Gather any supporting medical or safeguarding letters from your private GP, even if they are still investigating.
Evidence that you sought medical tests due to safety concerns helps demonstrate ongoing risk.

4. Once the DV evidence letter is obtained, you may be eligible for legal aid immediately.
A family law solicitor can then:

Apply to discharge the SGO, or

Apply for an emergency court order if your son is at immediate risk.

Important Clarification!

Police and social services cannot override an SGO based on concerns alone. The court is the only authority that can change your son’s placement. This is why your energy must now be focused on securing legal aid and court access, not persuading professionals verbally.

Once you have the DV letter, everything else can move forward quickly. Please update once you have that letter or after your Women’s Aid session, and I can help you with the wording to submit to legal aid and begin your application to discharge the SGO.

[GJTGU2]

Hi Winter25,

I have had he chance to read your reply to me, and I would like to thank you for all of your advices.

I have just made further contact via email with my GP and Women's Aid and have further requested the letter confirming that I have raised concerns about domestic violence.

I have also written to the solicitors who informed me that they would represent me once I have obtained a letter confirming that I have suffered domestic violence to reconsider their position on the letter from Gaddum, as they said that the letter from Gaddum does not meet the threshold unfortunately.

I will write back once I have the letter confirming that I have raised domestic violence concerns, and I do understand that I need to go through court, so I need this letter very, very urgently!

I hope I can get an outcome with the wording that you have suggested also, thank you once again.

Best wishes,

Hi GJTGU2,

Thank you for your update, and please do not apologise. You are dealing with an extremely serious and distressing situation, and you have every right to seek help urgently. There is nothing to apologise for. In fact, the steps you are taking show clear determination to protect your son, and that is what matters most.

What you are experiencing is not unusual in cases involving Special Guardianship Orders (SGOs). Once an SGO is made, professionals will not intervene unless you can present new, credible evidence of harm or risk that was not available during the original court proceedings. That is why they keep saying “there is no evidence”. It is not because they don’t care, it is because the law requires a high threshold to override an existing court order.

This is why the process must now be strategic and evidence-led.

Why the DV Letter Matters

To apply for legal aid to discharge an SGO, you must provide evidence that:

You are a victim of domestic abuse, or

The child is at risk of harm in the current placement.

A short letter confirming you have disclosed domestic abuse and have sought support is enough to meet the domestic violence evidence gateway for legal aid. It does not need to go into full detail or prove poisoning. The purpose is to open the legal door so a solicitor can act immediately.

Your letter from Gaddum may already be sufficient, especially when combined with confirmation from Women’s Aid after your safety planning session. You do not need to wait for a perfect document , you need a document that confirms you are seeking support as a victim of domestic abuse. That alone may unlock legal aid.

The Correct Next Steps (In Order of Priority)

1. Request the DV letter again from the GP, using clear legal wording.
For example:

“I am requesting a letter confirming I have disclosed domestic abuse in order to apply for legal aid to protect my child. This is not for clinical opinion, it is to meet the Legal Aid Agency Domestic Violence Evidence Criteria.”

If your GP delays again, ask another GP in the same practice, as you are already planning to do.

2. Your Women’s Aid safety planning session is crucial.
Ask them directly for a confirmation letter stating you have engaged with them as a victim of domestic abuse. Women’s Aid letters are accepted as valid evidence for legal aid.

3. Gather any supporting medical or safeguarding letters from your private GP, even if they are still investigating.
Evidence that you sought medical tests due to safety concerns helps demonstrate ongoing risk.

4. Once the DV evidence letter is obtained, you may be eligible for legal aid immediately.
A family law solicitor can then:

Apply to discharge the SGO, or

Apply for an emergency court order if your son is at immediate risk.

Important Clarification!

Police and social services cannot override an SGO based on concerns alone. The court is the only authority that can change your son’s placement. This is why your energy must now be focused on securing legal aid and court access, not persuading professionals verbally.

Once you have the DV letter, everything else can move forward quickly. Please update once you have that letter or after your Women’s Aid session, and I can help you with the wording to submit to legal aid and begin your application to discharge the SGO.