My son

[Winter25]

Hi Decante,

You’ve clearly identified three key issues:

There is risk at home due to child-on-parent or child-on-sibling aggression.

Your child is staying informally with your sister in a way that is rewarding the behaviour.

The school is putting adjustments in place without your agreement, which is lowering expectations and undermining you.

Below is a clear plan you can use now.

1) Children’s Services – Don’t Wait for Annual Leave: Request Duty Cover and a Written Plan

If your social worker is on leave, the duty team or their manager must take over responsibility. You can request a same-week meeting and a written safety plan covering sibling protection, a pathway to return home, therapy referrals, and expectations for your sister’s home.

Email to Children’s Services (copy in team manager and duty inbox):
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Subject: URGENT – Current risk to siblings/parent; request immediate plan and duty cover

Dear [Social Worker], [Team Manager], Duty Team,

It has now been three weeks without an effective plan despite multiple police call-outs for assaults and ongoing emotional harm to my daughter. The allocated social worker is unavailable until [date], so I am requesting a same-week meeting with duty to agree a written safety plan.

Please confirm, in writing, this week:

A sibling/parent safety plan.

Urgent referrals (CAMHS/behaviour support) with referral numbers.

An education plan to return my son to full-time learning.

Expectations for the current kinship stay with my sister (see draft below), plus a review date in 2 weeks.

Please confirm who is covering while [SW] is on leave and provide the date/time for the urgent meeting.

Kind regards,
[Your Full Name]
[DOB / Address / Contact]
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2) Your Sister’s Home – Stop Reinforcing the Behaviour (Set Boundaries in Writing)

The current situation (extra devices, treats, trips, relaxed rules) is rewarding the very behaviour that caused risk at home. Ask Children’s Services to minute and agree a simple one-page written kinship plan. If your sister cannot stick to it, Children’s Services must identify a different short-term arrangement.

Kinship Safety Agreement to table at the meeting:

Child: [Name, DOB]
Carer: [Sister’s Name]
Review Date: [Two weeks from now]

Rules and routine must match mother’s home: bedtime [time], morning routine, school daily.

Devices only during set times, removed overnight. No personal devices outside agreed times.

No gifts, trips or treats used as behaviour rewards. Pocket money only as agreed (£[x] per week).

No aggression, intimidation, or damage to property. Clear consequences for behaviour.

Daily calm contact with mother and sibling.

Social worker check-ins during week one; school attendance monitored; CAMHS referral underway.

Signed: [Sister] [Mother] [Social Worker/Manager]
Date: [ ]

If speaking directly to your sister:

I need your help to make a safe return possible. Changing the rules and adding treats is reinforcing the behaviour that caused the crisis at home. Please follow the boundary plan until the review date. If you cannot agree, tell me now so that Children’s Services can arrange an alternative short-term plan.

3) School – Challenge Informal Adjustments and Reduced Expectations

Leaving lessons early, early lunches, being removed from class, or being sent home early without your agreement is a form of informal exclusion. These adjustments lower expectations and make behaviour at home worse.

Email to School (Head of Year, SENCO, DSL):

Subject: Urgent meeting – behaviour/safety plan and full-time education for [Child]

Dear [Names],

I am concerned about current practices (leaving lessons or lunch early, removal from lessons, early finishes, equipment being issued without consultation). These changes are lowering expectations and contributing to escalating behaviour at home.

Please arrange an urgent meeting this week to agree:
• A written Pastoral Support Plan with clear targets, consequences, and supports.
• A time-bound reintegration to full-time education. Any reduced timetable must be exceptional, time-limited, and done only with my written consent.
• A behaviour/risk management plan that states who does what and when, and a communication protocol so that I am consulted before any changes are made.

Please also send me the current records of adjustments and the data or rationale used so I can review these before the meeting.

Kind regards,
[Your Name]
[Contact Information]

4) Support for Your Daughter (and You)

Ask the school to provide pastoral support for your daughter due to the emotional impact. Inform your GP about her sleep disturbances or startle responses so there is a medical record.

For your own support: PEGS, CAPA First Response, and Newbold Hope offer specialist strategies for child-on-parent and sibling aggression.

5) What “Good Progress” Looks Like Over the Next Two Weeks

• Same-week Children’s Services meeting held and written safety plan issued.
• Referral numbers provided for CAMHS/behaviour support.
• School meeting completed with a written plan and return-to-full-time pathway.
• Kinship boundary agreement signed, with a review date in two weeks. If your sister cannot uphold it, Children’s Services must arrange an alternative.

You are not overreacting. You are the protective parent seeking consistent boundaries and a safe plan for all your children. Keep everything in writing , that is where accountability begins. If you receive any responses, post them here and I can help you with next steps.