Guardianship

[Rollmop]

Hello all,
My wife and I have been guardians to my wife’s grandson for the last 12 years.
We have reached a point where my wife undermines all my decisions regarding the child.
I love the child to bits but we have reached a state of lying and deciteful where my wife backs the child and not me.
My wife and I have had numerous conversations about being on the same page and if any times we don’t agree it should not be discussed in front of the child.
My wife has been receiving payments from her daughter although the daughter has never worked legally and secreted them into a private bank account that I was not aware of.
My understanding was that if the child was not fostered the cost of the upbringing was down to the biological parents.
I have personally paid for all works to our property and paid off the mortgage and paid for the upbringing of the child.
I am now in a position where I can’t remain in my own house.
I am also severely disabled and cannot afford to pay for somewhere else to live.
My understanding is that the child remains in the home until 18 yrs ?
What are my rights regarding bills for the property and maintenance for the child?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

[Winter25]

Hi Rollmop,

Thank you for being brave enough to share this. You are in an incredibly painful situation, and I want to reassure you straight away: you are not powerless here, and the law does not expect you to sacrifice your home, finances, or wellbeing, especially after 12 years of providing care and financial support.

From what you’ve written, this isn’t just a family disagreement. There are three distinct legal areas involved, and understanding them clearly will help you take back control:

1. Your Legal Position as Guardian

If you and your wife were granted a Special Guardianship Order (SGO) or other legal guardianship, then you hold parental responsibility equal to hers.

That means you are not a “secondary carer” and cannot be pushed out of decisions regarding the child.

The child remaining in the property until 18 is not an automatic legal rule. If guardians cannot live together, the court looks at what is fair, financially viable, and in everyone’s best interests.

2. Your Financial and Property Rights

You state that you have paid for the mortgage and home improvements using your own funds while your wife has hidden money in a private account.

Under family law, those financial contributions give you legal rights and potential claims over the property, especially if you are the sole or main contributor.

You cannot be forced out of your own home without a court order, and the court would take your financial investment and disability into serious account.

Secret financial arrangements connected to the child may also need to be disclosed formally as part of guardianship responsibilities.

3. Your Rights as a Disabled Person

You are protected under the Equality Act 2010.

If you are at risk of losing your home or stability, Adult Social Services have a duty to assess your needs and provide support.

They cannot leave you in a position where you are displaced or financially stranded.

Next Steps to Regain Stability

You do not need to take drastic action today. The first step is simply to understand your legal footing:

Step 1 – Confirm the Type of Guardianship Order

Find the court document from 12 years ago. It will state whether this is a “Special Guardianship Order” or another arrangement. This is the foundation of your rights.

Step 2 – Begin Evidence Collection

Write down (just in a notebook for now):

Who paid the mortgage

Any major household spending you covered

Proof of any financial contributions from your wife that were hidden

Step 3 – Contact a Family Law Solicitor

You do not need to start divorce proceedings. You can ask for an initial consultation to understand your rights over the property and guardianship. You may be eligible for legal aid, especially as a disabled guardian.

To Answer Your Key Questions Clearly

“Do I have to leave the home because the child must stay until 18?”
No. The court looks at financial fairness and housing rights. You have not lost your rights to your own home.

“Who is responsible for paying for the child?”
Under an SGO, biological parents should financially contribute. If money has been secretly received without your knowledge, that could be legally challenged as misuse of funds.

“What are my rights now?”
You have property rights, guardianship rights, and disability protections. You are not expected to carry the financial and emotional burden alone or be pushed out of your own home.

You are more than welcome to DM, using speech bubble next to mine name if you would like help or advise as much as i can in

Identify your guardianship order?

Draft a letter for a solicitor?

Or prepare what to say in your first legal consultation?

You have done far more than most would in your situation. The law recognises your contribution. You do not have to face this alone.
=========
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[Rollmop]

Thank you so much,
I have tears of relief in my eyes, I have done my upmost best and I love my child so much but I am not being supported and watching him go downhill with no powers to help him.
I will look into the court case and guardianship.
Contact a solicitor for a talk.
Such a shame and a waste of my time at my age and more sad is the waste of a lovely boy left to go astray.
Thank you again so much.
I will message when I know some more.

[Winter25]

Please do send me a DM, I can offer my suggestions to you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello all,
My wife and I have been guardians to my wife’s grandson for the last 12 years.
We have reached a point where my wife undermines all my decisions regarding the child.
I love the child to bits but we have reached a state of lying and deciteful where my wife backs the child and not me.
My wife and I have had numerous conversations about being on the same page and if any times we don’t agree it should not be discussed in front of the child.
My wife has been receiving payments from her daughter although the daughter has never worked legally and secreted them into a private bank account that I was not aware of.
My understanding was that if the child was not fostered the cost of the upbringing was down to the biological parents.
I have personally paid for all works to our property and paid off the mortgage and paid for the upbringing of the child.
I am now in a position where I can’t remain in my own house.
I am also severely disabled and cannot afford to pay for somewhere else to live.
My understanding is that the child remains in the home until 18 yrs ?
What are my rights regarding bills for the property and maintenance for the child?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

Dear Rollmop
Thank you for your post. You have posted on the parents’ discussion forum rather than the kinship carers forum but I will respond to your post here. I suggest you register on the kinship care forum so person’s with similar experiences can share with you.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and as stated above will respond to your post today.
I am sorry for the difficulties you are experiencing now with your wife and the child for whom you are guardians. You have not said whether you are guardians under a special guardianship order (SGO); have a child arrangement (CAO)or residence order (RO); or appointed legal guardians/testamentary guardians.

Under an SGO and CAO you would share parental responsibility for the child with your wife if you were named on the court orders. The child’s parents continue to have parental responsibility. In the case of an SGO as special guardians you can exercise your parental responsibility over and above theirs. With a CAO or RO parental responsibility if shared equally.

The issues you have described are two-fold. Firstly, the way the child is parented by your wife and you. It appears that you have different parenting styles and it might helpful if you both consider engaging with services that could offer you support in positive parenting. From what you say, it seems your wife does not understand the impact on her grandchild’s behaviour if she undermines your parenting in front of the child. She may be overcompensating for whatever happened to him previously, but she is not helping him prepare well for his teenage years and older. You may find it helpful to contact Family Lives 0808 800 2222, Family Action 0808 802 6666 or Action for children for parenting support. This is their website

If you believe your wife’s parenting style is adversely affecting the child, you could ask for support from children’s social care in your local authority. They can offer support and could suggest parenting classes.

Secondly, there are financial issues between you and your wife. You have been responsible for making significant payments in respect of your improvements to the home. You pay all household bills and have now learned that your wife has a secret bank account. This must have been a strain on you and your wife. Perhaps it would help to have an open discussion with her about how your finances are managed.

Paying bills in the home is usually something that is decided by a couple or persons living and sharing accommodation. If your wife makes no contribution, then this would be considered by a court when deciding about how assets are shared.

It is concerning that you feel you must leave your home. It is not clear from your post why you believe this to be the case. Whilst a child can remain in the home until 18 when a court order ends, this can change as an order can be discharged. If you do not wish to be responsible for the child, any longer this is something you can consider. It seems from your post that you are seeking to know your rights regarding the home. As the marital home, you have the same rights as your wife to remain in the property. Property rights can be changed by the courts, but each party’s circumstances and needs would be carefully considered by a judge. Do you believe that you and your wife would benefit from speaking with an independent third party about your current situation. You can do so using a family mediator.

Regarding maintaining a child, the biological parent(s) remain liable and can be asked to contribute to a child’s upbringing. An application could be made to the Child Maintenance Service for the parent(s) to pay maintenance. You have stated that the child’s mother has been paying, and this is secreted by your wife.

It is not clear if it is due to your disability that you do not feel able to remain in your home. If that is the case, you could speak with adult services in your local authority social care department. If this is not the case, then you do not have to leave your home and cannot be forced to do so.
The child would be considered a child of the family by the court, and any decision would have to take account of his welfare. Your own long-term needs would also have to be considered.

I suggest you consider what outcome you wish to have and get support to achieve this between you and your wife. Once you are clear, I believe it is important that you seek legal advice from a family solicitor so that your legal position in respect of the property which may be in your sole name or joint with your wife.

Hope you find this helpful but should you wish to speak with an adviser, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays). You can also post again if you need to but please re-register on the kinship forum.

Best wishes

Suzie