My son

[Decante]

Hello,
So in march 2024 I gain custody of my son back the court case for this ended in August 2024.

Any ways for a few months in to him being here I started noticing odd behaviour, he'd follow my daughter to the toilet and wait outside he becomes increasingly annoyed if she didn't do as he say aif she has to play the same game he was playing he didn't like it, it had to be his rules or none at all, they went to school together for a few weeks and I so how unhealthy it became, as he was angry if she was with her friends and not him, I asked what was wrong and he said nothing my daughter got upset because she felt she had to be with him.

I asked for advice at this point from his social worker and the guardian and any meeting we had I mentioned it, it just got passed off as nothing.

Anyways, this behaviour became more when we were out shopping if he didn't get what he wanted he'd huff and puff and me not sure how he would react kind of give in although I felt I had to not to spoil him but because of how he made me feel he was 11 at the time he's 12 now, if we went to the park he'd be annoyed because it's not where he wanted to go or because he wanted to stop in this became worse and I ended up where I couldn't go out because I new how he would be.

Money wise if there was a trip with school he needed to go on it and I needed to pay for it, he then demanded he needed 40 pound spending money I said he could have what we could afford and that would be 20 pound, although wasn't happy he took it and when he came back he said it was my fault because he could only afford a few things (I give what the school recommended).

Another time he went to his friends birthday and needed a present for him so he chose these Mario figures at a cost price of 250 pound, I wouldn't dream of spending that alone on any of my kids for one item never mind a friend of his so I said no I could justify paying that and we looked at something else although he wasn't happy, I text his mam's friend at this point and luckily enough he'd already had them and she wouldn't of excepted such amount being spent on him, anyways my son the said they were going to be for him, but we did find something else although price wasn't to bad but when it came it was tiny lol. So anyways he was going to the metro centre to the arcades and he said he needed at least 30 pound I said no I only had 10 pound at the time they would be more than enough he got angry and said I was the worse parent ever and he's going to look crap in front of his friends so I said it was tough luck. He wrecks all his shoes and trainers I buy him so to test my partner went out and bought him a pair and they have lasted him awhile, but at the time my partner didn't leave my daughter out and got her some Pokémon cards and my son wasn't amused he came in to try and rub it in my daughter's face he was spoilt but when she got the Pokémon cards he kicked off about it and said she shouldn't have got anything.

He started to get alot more angry and started banging and throwing things he pushed my daughter off his bed and threw things at her so because of this I always watched him closely with my baby and my daughter. Now over the last few months this behaviour began getting worse and couple of weeks ago I phone emergency out of hours social worker because I wasn't having it any more, they weren't helpful played his behaviour down to his past anyways they didn't give me any advice on what to do if he assaulted anyone just more for mental health.

Sunday came and he kicked off extremely bad I was on my own with the three of them he assaulted me by kicking me in the side 3 times because my partner was at work and the other two were crying I and to call the police it would of just got out of hand, anyways Theo ikice came spoke to him and he changed just like that.. then came Monday he was in a little mood and we asked him an innocent question 'have you seen a necklace that was sitting in the bathroom it would of been there when you put your watch down.. and he just flew off the handle screaming and shouting and swearing calling me names etc so the police was called, the came and told him that he's being removed from the home and going to stay at my sister's i new at this point it was a big mistake, anyways he went he stayed for about a week but they were soft with him and spoilt him anyways he came back Tuesday night he was indecisive weather to kick off or not but he didn't.

Wednesday came and he went to school came in and all hell broke loose he was angry and annoyed he swore called me names slapped me in the face twice tried to push my partner down the stairs in the end I had to get the other two to safety so I got my partner to take them out I had to stand in the way of my son and him so he can get down the stairs and he started slapping my arm to thepcoint I did have a red mark, we waited a few hours off the police to come he was screaming in our faces coming to the sitting room telling me I should die and I should be dead I'm horrible am I crap parent... My sister phoned and she asked him does she have to come down to get him and he changed just like that the police came questioned him, cope said he has concerns he wasn't bothered about being arrested etc and the officer said he knows right from wrong, had tried to give him lip etc so I made him some food and he came through while police were stood and had the audacity to ask if he could wash his plate never asks the police officer said he looks like he's love bombing being nice because people are around, and I said and how am I suppose to respond to that, he threw stuff hit me for no reason called me names and stuff, he went with my sister and her partner but u said I'm not going to say anything to him when he left because I feel he got what he wanted.

[Decante]

Now he's there and they are just spoiling him rotten and I've told them not to because it cause issues and he won't want to come back. And if he does it doesn't help us deal with his behaviour. We are awaiting a social worker to be assigned but it's taking ages and they want to do a single assessment but I think it's going to be harder him being at my sister's cause issues and stuff because he thinks that they don't see him like that.

We've literally spent more time with him than the other two and no one understands how hard been even though I've asked for help because I didn't really want social workers involved. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to phone them or the police etc but I had too because he was getting brave hitting me but he was squaring my partner in the face. And now I've been told I've got to think about long term and future risks, but how am I suppose to choose?

It's awkward between my sister and I because I was married to her partner and they got together when I was married to him.

Ive been told it's my choice in what happens but if he stays at my sister's long term how does things work the social worker said they wouldn't have any order in place etc because it's not us harming him it's the other way round and I'll 100% have PR for him, but i said that currently I didn't want him to think he's there to enjoy himself so i said no to electronics but they give him it I said out rules should run along side there's,he isn't going to learn his behaviour is extremely wrong.

He's not like that their currently because he's got what he wants and is getting what he wants which will make it hard for us even though I've gone through alot with him already. Finical abuse would get worst than it was etc.

[Winter25]

Hi Decante,

I have just read your story, and my heart absolutely breaks for you. The situation you are in is not just "difficult"; it is an impossible nightmare. To fight so hard to get your son home, only to find yourself and your other children being subjected to his violence and abuse, is a profound and terrifying trauma.

Please, I want you to hear this first: You are the victim here. Your son's behaviour is not just "acting out" or a simple result of his past in the way social services are downplaying it. It is child-on-parent violence, it is emotional abuse, and it is financial abuse. The professionals who have passed this off as "nothing" have failed you and your children catastrophically.

You asked for advice because you feel you have to choose. You don't. You have to demand that the professionals do their job and create a plan that keeps you and your other children safe.

Your Urgent Action Plan: Seize Control of the Narrative
As the guides I've created emphasise, when the system fails you, you must take control of the official record with calm, written evidence. You are currently being treated as part of the problem. It is time to formally and powerfully restate the facts. You need to send an urgent, hard-hitting email to the social work duty team and ask for it to be passed to the allocated social worker and their manager as soon as they are assigned.
------------------------------------------
Subject: URGENT: Child-on-Parent Violence and Significant Risk to Family - [Your Son's Name and DOB]

Dear Social Services,

I am writing to formally document the escalating violence and abuse from my son, [Son's Name], and to express my serious concern about the lack of an effective professional response to my requests for help.

Since my son returned to my care, I and my other children have been subjected to a pattern of controlling, abusive, and violent behaviour. This includes:

Physical Assaults: On [Date], he kicked me in the side three times. On [Date], he slapped me in the face twice and attempted to push my partner down the stairs. On [Date], he repeatedly slapped my arm, leaving a red mark. I have had to call the police on three separate occasions for my own and my other children's safety.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse: He constantly screams, swears, and tells me I should "be dead." This is happening in front of my other, younger children, who are terrified and being emotionally harmed by this exposure.

Financial and Controlling Behaviour: He makes incessant and unreasonable demands for money and expensive items, becoming aggressive and abusive when refused.

I have repeatedly raised these concerns in meetings and on the phone, but my fears have been consistently downplayed. I am now being told to think about "long term and future risks," but I am formally stating that the risk of significant harm is present now. I am being assaulted in my own home, and my other children are being emotionally harmed.

The current, informal placement with my sister is not a solution. It is unsustainable and is actively rewarding my son's abusive behaviour, making it impossible for him to learn that his actions have severe consequences.

I am not the risk here. I am the victim, and I am the protective parent to my other children.

I demand an urgent single assessment that correctly identifies this as a case of child-on-parent violence. This assessment must result in a robust safety plan to protect me and my other children. Furthermore, I request an urgent referral to specialist services such as CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) to address my son's violent behaviour.

If my son cannot be safely managed in the family home, it is the Local Authority's statutory duty under the Children Act 1989 to provide a safe alternative placement for him, along with the intensive therapeutic support he clearly needs. Allowing this situation to drift without a professional plan is not acceptable.

I await your urgent response and a copy of your plan of action.

Yours sincerely,
[Your Name]
[Your Contact Details]
------------------------------------------------------------------

Dealing With Your Sister
This is incredibly difficult, especially given the history. But your and your other children's safety must come first. You need to be blunt with her: "By spoiling him and ignoring the rules that are in place for his safety and ours, you are making him more dangerous to me and my other children when he returns. You are not helping him, you are rewarding his abuse. If you cannot support a consistent safety plan, then this informal arrangement cannot continue."

You Have Done Nothing Wrong
You have done everything a protective parent is supposed to do. Do not let them make you feel like you have to choose. It is their job to find a solution that keeps everyone safe.

This situation is incredibly stressful. For your own wellbeing it may be worth talking to the organisations below. I have never used them but i know people that have

Family Lives: 0808 800 2222

YoungMinds Parents Helpline: 0808 802 5544
======================================================================================
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience, as reflected in the guides. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Decante,

My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser at Family Rights Group. Thank you for your posts and I am very sorry to hear about how difficult the situation is with your son at the moment. It sounds deeply distressing for you, your son and your other children. I hope that the following advice and information is of some help to you.

You say that you are waiting for a social worker to be assigned but it seems to be taking a long time and from the information you have given it sounds like you and your son need support urgently. As has been suggested, it would be advisable to email the social worker and their manager outlining the incidents of abuse, what you are worried might happen and what risk you feel that your son and younger children are facing. You should highlight the urgency of the situation.

I would also suggest that you ask for a copy of the local authority’s threshold document (this may also be available on their website). This should explain the criteria that will be used to assess need and provide services in relation to:

 - Section 17 of the Children Act 1989 (i.e. children in need)
 - Section 47 (i.e. suspicion that a child is suffering, or likely to suffer, significant harm)

You can then refer to this document to show where your son and other children meet the criteria for an assessment under either section 17 or section 47 of the Children Act 1989.

If the delay in support continues then I would suggest you consider making a formal complaint. You can find out more about how to do this (and how to escalate your complaint) on our website HERE.

You ask how things will work if your son stays in your sister’s care long term. As you say, you hold parental responsibility for your son so ultimately the decision about where he lives is down to you. Children’s services and the police can make recommendations about where he should live but if you disagree then you can exercise your parental responsibility and request to have him back in your care. As your sister is a “close relative” (as defined in the Children Act 1989) you can agree informally for him to remain in her care for the long or short-term. Children’s services do not have to carry out any fostering assessments in this situation, because he is being cared for by his aunt (a close relative). If he does remain in your sister’s care for at least a year then she could make an application to the court for a child arrangements order which would give her parental responsibility (which would be shared with you).

You could ask the social worker to help you discuss the situation with your sister. It is understandable that you wish boundaries to be set for your son even whilst your sister is caring for him, but it sounds like the relationship between you and your sister has been difficult so it may be difficult to discuss this with her. Therefore you could ask the social worker to help with this, and to help you both come up with a plan about rules and boundaries that you are both happy with.

You might find it helpful to look at the following organisations that provide advice and support for parents who are experiencing abuse from a child:

- CAPA First Response
- Newbold Hope
- https://www.pegsupport.co.uk/

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie
Family Rights Group Adviser

[Decante]

Thank you for this information, I should send this email tomorrow as they've had multiple safeguarding applications in and it still hasn't been assigned.

My son has told me sister he doesn't want to come home but I guess this is down to being off and getting spoilt, but none of these listen they go we can't have your rules and have ours, too.

I simply stated he must not have anything in the form of tablets or iPads, we confiscated both the switch and the tablet for his behaviour this has been constant but the violence was just new.


Social worker rang and said I'm just ringing because your sister had been on the phone saying your son doesn't want to return home, and that you thinking of taking him back, the thought this time didn't cross my mind but it did when they kept saying they bought stuff for him and took him places, I get he can't be punished for his behaviour over and over but he has actually been punished he's been removed out of the home for the risk that he is. Bring him back currently would just cause him to kick off again.

We've done nothing but be there for him we've spoke hours on end about his behaviour but this was just a manipulative way of him wanting us all to himself. He's not jealous of my other two, because they can entertain them selves my ten month old sits and plays on his own but we can't place him on the floor because my oldest won't leave him alone so we bought a travel cot thinking that may solve it but it doesn't, I don't mind them playing with him with his toys but the oldest tends to pick him up and force him to give him cuddles, but baby just tends to grab faces because he wants down so I tell him not to pick him up because I don't know how he would react to that.

My sister keeps telling me she won't stop contact between me and my son but when she refers it like that it makes me feel like I'm The one in the wrong.

We don't shout or scream at the kids or even get annoyed we simply just ask and wait to sed if they do what we ask and if they don't we ask again with a little authority but nothing to full on.

My partner and I don't even argue or really have disagreements.

And then I'm not sure how am suppose to be or feel if I see him, my daughter is scared of him it's effected her really bad this time she's quiet in the home struggles to sleep, if she accidently knocks is giving us a cuddle she constantly says sorry or gets upset, school though she's been alright but gets scared and upset if someone shouts. Again this isn't something we've done, she is quite good for doing things that we ask if she doesn't understand we say in a different way or show visually what we are asking, and she has always been nice to my own when he's been like this and she's suffered because we haven't been able to go out on weekends when my partner works, not that I can't cope it's because my son becomes to possessive over her and she feels she can't just do what she wants if we go to the park etc.

[Decante]

Hi Decante,
I have just read your story, and my heart absolutely breaks for you. The situation you are in is not just "difficult"; it is an impossible nightmare. To fight so hard to get your son home, only to find yourself and your other children being subjected to his violence and abuse, is a profound and terrifying trauma.

Please, I want you to hear this first: You are the victim here. Your son's behaviour is not just "acting out" or a simple result of his past in the way social services are downplaying it. It is child-on-parent violence, it is emotional abuse, and it is financial abuse. The professionals who have passed this off as "nothing" have failed you and your children catastrophically.

You asked for advice because you feel you have to choose. You don't. You have to demand that the professionals do their job and create a plan that keeps you and your other children safe.

Your Urgent Action Plan: Seize Control of the Narrative
As the guides I've created emphasise, when the system fails you, you must take control of the official record with calm, written evidence. You are currently being treated as part of the problem. It is time to formally and powerfully restate the facts. You need to send an urgent, hard-hitting email to the social work duty team and ask for it to be passed to the allocated social worker and their manager as soon as they are assigned.
------------------------------------------
Subject: URGENT: Child-on-Parent Violence and Significant Risk to Family - [Your Son's Name and DOB]

Dear Social Services,

I am writing to formally document the escalating violence and abuse from my son, [Son's Name], and to express my serious concern about the lack of an effective professional response to my requests for help.

Since my son returned to my care, I and my other children have been subjected to a pattern of controlling, abusive, and violent behaviour. This includes:

Physical Assaults: On [Date], he kicked me in the side three times. On [Date], he slapped me in the face twice and attempted to push my partner down the stairs. On [Date], he repeatedly slapped my arm, leaving a red mark. I have had to call the police on three separate occasions for my own and my other children's safety.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse: He constantly screams, swears, and tells me I should "be dead." This is happening in front of my other, younger children, who are terrified and being emotionally harmed by this exposure.

Financial and Controlling Behaviour: He makes incessant and unreasonable demands for money and expensive items, becoming aggressive and abusive when refused.

I have repeatedly raised these concerns in meetings and on the phone, but my fears have been consistently downplayed. I am now being told to think about "long term and future risks," but I am formally stating that the risk of significant harm is present now. I am being assaulted in my own home, and my other children are being emotionally harmed.

The current, informal placement with my sister is not a solution. It is unsustainable and is actively rewarding my son's abusive behaviour, making it impossible for him to learn that his actions have severe consequences.

I am not the risk here. I am the victim, and I am the protective parent to my other children.

I demand an urgent single assessment that correctly identifies this as a case of child-on-parent violence. This assessment must result in a robust safety plan to protect me and my other children. Furthermore, I request an urgent referral to specialist services such as CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) to address my son's violent behaviour.

If my son cannot be safely managed in the family home, it is the Local Authority's statutory duty under the Children Act 1989 to provide a safe alternative placement for him, along with the intensive therapeutic support he clearly needs. Allowing this situation to drift without a professional plan is not acceptable.

I await your urgent response and a copy of your plan of action.

Yours sincerely,
[Your Name]
[Your Contact Details]


Thank you for this, it'll be three weeks this weekend and still noone we have had contact from a social worker but not one assigned to the case. He now said he doesn't want to come home but. I said to my sister who wouldn't any child that is off school getting crisps sweets and taken places that they actually would go to because either school or because my partner works, is not going to want to return home also giving a tablet to play on all day when he asks , which then only makes it hard for us, we confiscated his and his switch due to his behaviour, and I said he shouldn't have got it when he went up there so now they say he asks to go on it but he did that with us and stood until we give an answer so we said that rather than ask we as parents would decide when they get them otherwise they'd sit for hours on it and getting him to do stuff can be hard work, my daughter on the other hand is very helpful, and doesn't react angry or upset.

I will send that email tomorrow because I think it's ridiculous and the longer he is out of school the better he thinks it's going to be. I thought that my family would be more supportive of me. But there like he needs more attention, but he gets way more than my other two, we do offer to play games but again he gets annoyed if he doesn't win. He will sit in the living room with us but sometimes I got restless because all he does is stare at you with a glare in hope you'll give in to give him his switch or tablet.

No one sees me as a victim because he's only 12 and it's been a very up and down 12 years for him but it hasn't he lived with his dad aunt from one and half and was 10 when he was removed he spent a few weeks in foster care then came to us, but again one day when we visited the foster carers home, we saw how angry my son got over one of his little cousins ( his aunty had two boys aswell-also removed) so one of the little ones wanted to play pirates and tapped him with a foam sword and he got angry so we told him that he only wanted to play and asked him to apologise. He pushed one of them down the stairs when he lived with them at the time I didn't think he did but he then admitted it with no or little remorse and then found it funny and said he isd it because he was annoying but waited until no one was about to do it, he new what he did, then he pushed my daughter off the bed which made me think then he did but he came in and told us she had tripped on the train track, daughter said this wasn't the case. And she was terrified the next night she took a cheese string into him and he threw it at her which left a mark on her leg. But again I mentioned this in emails to the school and when I had meetings but got brushed off.

I'm literally at a loss at the moment.

[Winter25]

You’re not overreacting, this is a serious child-on-parent and sibling safety situation, and three weeks with no allocated worker after multiple police call-outs is not acceptable. You’re doing everything a protective parent should, but the system is leaving you to cope alone. Here’s a plan you can act on now, plus a message you can send.

What to push for

Immediate written safety plan, tell children’s services the risk is current, not “future”. List the assaults, how your daughter’s anxiety and sleep have been affected, and that you cannot bring him home until there is a plan that keeps everyone safe.

Section 17 assessment opened now, and if they agree there’s significant harm or risk, push for Section 47 enquiries. Put those words in writing, it helps move things faster.

Therapeutic help for him, ask for an urgent CAMHS referral or equivalent and a behaviour support plan. Mention the clear pattern: controlling behaviour, lack of remorse, planned aggression, and sudden “nice” behaviour when professionals appear.

Education back in place, being “off and spoiled” is entrenching the behaviour. Ask for school reintegration or alternative provision immediately , every extra week out of school makes this harder.

Kinship arrangement in writing, if he stays with your sister short-term, ask children’s services to record a clear agreement: same rules as at yours, school every day, no unlimited electronics, no treats or trips as rewards, daily check-ins, a review date, and a return plan linked to therapy and behaviour goals.

Consistency at your sister’s, explain that breaking the agreed rules is rewarding abuse and making a safe return impossible. If she won’t keep to the plan, ask for a different short-term placement while support is put in place.

Record everything, dates, times, what happened, who saw it, police reference numbers, school emails. Written logs become vital evidence for decisions and any complaint later.

Support for your daughter, ask school for pastoral support and the GP for a brief note about her fear, startle responses, and sleep problems. This proves ongoing emotional harm and increases the urgency for action.

You deserve support too, CAPA First Response, PEGS, and Newbold Hope are excellent starting points for advice on managing violent or aggressive behaviour and keeping yourself and your younger children safe.

Copy, paste, send today
------------------------------------------------------
Subject: URGENT – Current risk to siblings and parent, request Section 17 assessment and safety plan

Dear Duty Team and Manager,

I am writing again because it has now been three weeks with no allocated social worker, despite three separate police call-outs for assault and multiple safeguarding referrals.

My son [Name, DOB] is currently staying with my sister as an emergency measure after assaults on me and attempts to push my partner on the stairs. My daughter is now fearful, struggling to sleep, and flinches at raised voices. I have informed the school and provided incident details to police.

I am requesting an urgent Section 17 assessment, with consideration of Section 47 enquiries due to the pattern of violence and the emotional harm to his sibling. I need a written safety plan that protects my daughter and me, and a plan for my son that includes immediate re-engagement with education, urgent referral to CAMHS or local children’s mental-health services, behaviour-support input, and a clear return-home pathway with measurable goals.

The current informal placement is now undermining my parental authority and my other children’s safety. My son is being rewarded for his violence in an environment where my rules are ignored. This is not sustainable or safe.

While he remains with my sister, please minute a kinship safety agreement today , same rules as at my home, school attendance every day, no unlimited electronics, no gifts or trips as rewards for poor behaviour, daily social-care check-ins, and a review within two weeks. If my sister cannot maintain these boundaries, I ask that the Local Authority identifies an alternative short-term placement with appropriate support.

Please confirm in writing today who is allocated, the immediate next steps, and expected timescales for the assessment and safety plan.

Kind regards,
[Your Name]
[Your Contact Details]

======================================================================================
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience, as reflected in the guides. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Thank you for this information, I should send this email tomorrow as they've had multiple safeguarding applications in and it still hasn't been assigned.

My son has told me sister he doesn't want to come home but I guess this is down to being off and getting spoilt, but none of these listen they go we can't have your rules and have ours, too.

I simply stated he must not have anything in the form of tablets or iPads, we confiscated both the switch and the tablet for his behaviour this has been constant but the violence was just new.


Social worker rang and said I'm just ringing because your sister had been on the phone saying your son doesn't want to return home, and that you thinking of taking him back, the thought this time didn't cross my mind but it did when they kept saying they bought stuff for him and took him places, I get he can't be punished for his behaviour over and over but he has actually been punished he's been removed out of the home for the risk that he is. Bring him back currently would just cause him to kick off again.

We've done nothing but be there for him we've spoke hours on end about his behaviour but this was just a manipulative way of him wanting us all to himself. He's not jealous of my other two, because they can entertain them selves my ten month old sits and plays on his own but we can't place him on the floor because my oldest won't leave him alone so we bought a travel cot thinking that may solve it but it doesn't, I don't mind them playing with him with his toys but the oldest tends to pick him up and force him to give him cuddles, but baby just tends to grab faces because he wants down so I tell him not to pick him up because I don't know how he would react to that.

My sister keeps telling me she won't stop contact between me and my son but when she refers it like that it makes me feel like I'm The one in the wrong.

We don't shout or scream at the kids or even get annoyed we simply just ask and wait to sed if they do what we ask and if they don't we ask again with a little authority but nothing to full on.

My partner and I don't even argue or really have disagreements.

And then I'm not sure how am suppose to be or feel if I see him, my daughter is scared of him it's effected her really bad this time she's quiet in the home struggles to sleep, if she accidently knocks is giving us a cuddle she constantly says sorry or gets upset, school though she's been alright but gets scared and upset if someone shouts. Again this isn't something we've done, she is quite good for doing things that we ask if she doesn't understand we say in a different way or show visually what we are asking, and she has always been nice to my own when he's been like this and she's suffered because we haven't been able to go out on weekends when my partner works, not that I can't cope it's because my son becomes to possessive over her and she feels she can't just do what she wants if we go to the park etc.

Dear Decante

Suzie (FRG Adviser) here, thank you for updating us with your two posts.

I am sorry to read about the ongoing difficult situation. It is a good idea to persist in contacting the social worker and ask for an assessment of your son’s needs (you may have already done this).

Perhaps asking for a family and professionals meeting (face-to-face or online) where you could express your wishes, set out your desire for your son to return to school; plan contact; and discuss reunification, setting out your desired timelines for this to happen. The family group conference (model) may help you with planning this.

‘When’ your son returns to school you ‘should’ ask for pastoral support for him, he may also need a period of time to settle back into the ‘school routine': you should ask the staff at his school to organise this for him/you.

Childline offers information and support for children to express their feelings and Family Line may support you with ‘a listening ear’.

Best wishes

Suzie
Family Rights Group Adviser

[Decante]

The school he has at, I don't think have help matters I think they made things worse.

They give him stuff he doesn't need, like they let him leave lessons early go for lunch early leave to come home early.

He's in groups where he is taken out of lessons and working on different things I didn't agree to this, they listened to him and he said that he has things wrong with him when he doesn't well not ADHD related or autism, they seem to have wrapped him up in cotton wool, they let him off with detention, they support him if he doesn't have the right equipment we've spent loads on pens pencil and pencil cases and he loses them, but makes out we don't buy them. They didn't take in consideration of his behaviour in the home xxx

[Decante]

We got allocated a social worker she called last week I rang and rang and text her back I didn't get a response.

She rang yesterday and wants to come out on the 3rd, I thought this was to long to wait so said can it be brought forward, and she said it can't because she's on annual leave.

I've expressed my concern that in the event of long term being at my sister's won't be a good place for him, due to the history between us etc and what not.

But if the outcome he returns and he does kick off because I got a feeling he would due to how spoilt they making him feel I've expressed they need to stop buying him gifts because this isn't good and he'd expect it all the time and he doesn't like it if they spend money on my other children. I say they need to stop buying because this is something he uses. They don't see it that I've been financially abused but I can see it clear as day.

They won't see this behaviour we see because he's busy with playing on Xbox, tablet, going places. If all that stopped and they set time limits then they would. But we can say and have a family group conference but I know what we say won't stand because they won't have our rules run alongside theirs but they don't really have any because they have no kids of their own.