DIA97 wrote: ↑Mon Nov 19, 2018 3:17 pm
Hello also me and my bf are wondering if the parenting assessment will be done before or after our baby is born? If the PAM’S assessment is to be done after our baby is born, will they put him into care until we have done our assessment or do they not have a right to do that? Because me and my bf are very worried about it because we want to keep our baby and want a chance to parent him, we are doing everything they are asking us to do, we are fully cooperating with them and have told them that we will do anything we can to keep our baby, the social workers were concerned because my brother was living in my parents house with us because he ran away from his accommodation and his carers and came to my parents house and me and my bf were forced to live here with them because we got evicted from our previous home due to getting in debt, so I am waiting to be put into temporary accommodation arranged by my social worker because there is a risk that he could come back to my parents house at any time because he has been moved out of my parents house recently by his social worker so things are getting much better, the risks are lowering and they will get even lower when I have moved into my temporary accommodation which is far from the area I am living in now and I will not tell anyone where I am going to be living so that there is no risk at all of my brother ever finding out where I am so it should be safe for my baby when he is born as there will be no risk, I just need reassurance that they won’t take my baby away from me at birth as there is no need to, I want to make sure that my baby will stay with me whilst we do our parenting assessment as he will be safe from any harm in the new accommodation I will be placed at very soon. Our social worker has also asked us to do a cognitive assessment which I know nothing about except that it is to test your intelligence and determine whether or not you have any mental health issues which me and my bf think is completely unnecessary because we have never been diagnosed with any sort of mental problem or disabilities and have never suffered any difficulty with our mental state before so we don’t understand why they want us to do that, our pre proceedings meeting is in a couple of days so I really hope things go well, I am also concerned that my social worker said to me and my bf that she thinks I’m doing really well with the plan and working with her but she thinks that my bf isn’t working so well with her as I am and she said that she thinks that I have a good chance of keeping our baby without my bf because of his attitude towards her which I understand because my bf and my social worker always clash every time we all meet up, they always end up arguing so I am worried that in the pre proceedings meeting that they will say to parent my baby alone without my bf because I don’t want that to happen, I want us to be a family and my bf has changed a lot since I have been pregnant, I know that our domestic violence in the past wasn’t good but we haven’t had any arguments since April and my bf has changed a lot since then but he really needs to stop being so hostile towards our social worker if he wants to be involved, my social worker also said that my bf still has a chance to change his stance towards her so hopefully things go well in our pre proceedings meeting but what do you think will happen if they tell me in the pre proceedings meeting that they think it’s best for me to do this alone and I decide to give my bf a chance to change his attitude, do you think they will take it to court? I am sorry for the huge post but we are worried about all of this and need advice on what the best thing to do is for us to keep our baby, any advice is very welcome, thank you.
Dear DIA97
Thank you for your further post and for giving more information about your family situation.
You want to know if the parenting assessment will be done before or after your baby is born. I think it is more likely for the assessments to be done before the baby is born that way if there is any support that needs to be provided to you to care for the baby this can be put in place.
Just to clarify the position regarding the PAMS assessment this is, as I said before, a tool used by the social worker and it will involve you answering questions on different aspects of parenting your baby. For example it might ask questions about how you would manage your baby crying a lot; or if your baby is cold. The outcome of the PAMS assessment will feed into your parenting assessment, this means that the answers you give will indicate if you need additional help.
Although you have said that you and your boyfriend do not have any diagnosed learning disability or mental health issues, there appears to be concerns above cognitive ability. This relates to how you understand and process information, problem solving, verbal and mathematical ability, memory etc. This assessment is likely to help as well as specific support may be recommended if necessary.
You have placed a lot of emphasis in your post on the risk your brother might pose to your baby to the extent that you would not tell anyone where you move to. This might be of concern to children’s services as this would mean that you have no support network around to give you help. How old is your brother? It appears that he is still subject to a care order which suggests he is under 18.
I think the more concerning issue for you is the domestic violence that has taken place between you and your boyfriend. This will be of major concern to children’s services as it place your baby at risk if this happened when you are looking after your baby. What steps has your partner taken to address his behaviour. Has the social worker suggested any courses or programme that he can do to learn about his behaviour and the impact it has on others. He might want to make contact with Respect 0808 802 4040 which works with perpetrators of domestic violence. You can also access on our website information about
domestic violence for mothers. There is also
domestic violence information for fathers.
The other issue of concern is your boyfriend’s attitude. If he is being hostile to the social worker this does not mean that he is cooperating or working well with children’s services. He is also giving the impression that his aggressive behaviour has not really changed significantly and, as such, you and your baby remain at risk. It is really important that you understand that his behaviour can significantly affect the outcome for you and your baby. Whilst you want to be with your boyfriend to bring up your baby as a family, he really does have to change his attitude. He is not helping himself or you. The social worker has already suggested as you say that you have a better chance of keeping your baby on your own. This is something you may have to think about as if you insist on being with your boyfriend and he does not change his attitude then action could be taken and the plan could be for your baby to be cared for by someone else. I do not wish to frighten you but I think you should discuss this with your solicitor.
Your boyfriend should consider his position very seriously if he wishes to parent his child with you.
The best thing for you both to do is to continue working well with children’s services to show that you understand the concerns and are willing to cooperate to improve the situation so your baby will be kept safe in your care.
I do not know how old you are but you may fall within the remit of young parents so I am including a link to our
young parents website . It will give you information about how best to work with the social worker and other professionals. The website is designed specifically for young parents so I hope you will find it helpful.
Your solicitor will be able to give you more advice about your situation as he or she will have more information from children’s services abot your case and the concerns they have.
Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.
I hope this is helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie