Child under sgo, can I have another?

[CLY3662]

Hi, I’m not too sure how it all works and it’s a long story so bear with me

Basically, in December of 2016 my son was 8 weeks old, me and my partner at the time were putting up ou Christmas decorations and our son was in his cot in his bedroom, he had been fine all day then all of a sudden he started too scream, it was one of them screams that goes through you, my partner ran upstairs too get him and brought him downstairs to where we discovered he was covered in a purple/red rash, I phoned 111 as I was worried it was meningitis they sent an ambulance, we went too the hospital and they did all thre tests and came back saying there’s nothing wrong with him but we’ve put him on antibiotics just in case, a few days later they did xrays and found that he had a break on his leg, I’d never noticed anything and felt like I’d completely failed as a parent, so me and my partner ended up going through court and had too visit our son in a contact centre for months, he then finally got placed with my mum under an SGO, I’ve never blamed anyone for the break as you’d of thought someone would of noticed the fact he had a broken leg, I took him to the drs on the 30th November 2016 due too constipation and he did a thorough check of him and he never noticed anything but I was told by medical professionals the breaks were at least 5 weeks old which would of meant they happened before he went too the drs, I also spent a lot of time with friends and family basically showing of my gorgeous little boy as I was so proud, and none of them noticed anything either, I think it was a birth injury due too a few complications during labour, but the courts dismissed that as soon as I mentioned it, my question is I’m still with my baby’s dad as I have never blamed him, it’s not because I don’t want too or I’m just stupid, it’s just he was and still is an amazing dad, you could see his eyes light up when he looked at our son, he’d do anything for him, but there’s a possibility I’m pregnant, I’m just wondering if the social services would take the baby if I was or if I would have to under go all the prebirth assessments too then possibly be told they will be taking the baby or would I be able too keep the baby even after what happened a few years back? I’m only 22 and I feel like I’ll never be able too have a baby again, I’ve already lost one but if I have another and they take it my mum can’t take the baby on under and sgo and none of my other family members could do it which would mean the child going up for adoption and I couldn’t live with myself for that.

I’m sorry it’s a long post but I’m going out of my mind with stress and panic and I don’t know what too do.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear CLY3662

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

You are very concerned about what might happen if you have another baby as your first child was removed from your care and is currently being cared for by your mother under a special guardianship order (SGO). You may find our advice sheet Special Guardianship: what does it mean for birth parents? useful.

I assume that there were care proceedings which then led to a decision being made that your son should be cared for by your mother in the long term. Can you remember if the judge made any ‘findings’ against you or your partner in respect of the injury suffered by your son? Did the court decide that it could be either of you and you both remained in what is described as ‘the pool of perpetrators? The outcome of the hearing would be relevant in relation to concerns that children’s services may have regarding you having another child.

I am sorry that you find yourself in what must be a very distressing situation for you to be in at the moment.

It is important that you think about what was said in the court and if you were asked to do anything in particular to address concerns about your parenting. You would need to show that you fully understand the concerns and accept any findings and have done any work that was required of you.

The likelihood is that children’s services would become involved in respect your pregnancy because of what has happened before. This does not mean you would not be able to care for your new baby but it will depend on different factors and your circumstances at the time they become involved. It is more likely than not that children’s services would carry out pre-birth planning. A lot will depend on how well you work with children’s services to address concerns about you.

Please read information from our frequently asked questions about what happens when you have had a previous child removed.

It is not clear from your post whether your relationship with your partner was a cause of concern with your first child. You have remained in a relationship with your partner so if it was an issue before it might still be that the same concerns will be there.

Children’s services would need to look at your current circumstances, what has changed since their previous involvement; whether you have made significant changes to your lifestyle and any other issues around parenting a child safely.

As you are a young parent, you might find it helpful to look at young parents advice website for more information about working with children’s services and other professionals.

I do not think you should lose hope of never being able to have a baby. The important thing is that you need to address whatever was wrong the first time around, make changes and turn yourself around. As I have said above, children’s services should look at your circumstances afresh, this does not mean they will not look at what happened before, the need to in order to assess the level of change.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser about your situation, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[CLY3662]

Hi

Thanks for replying,

No they never made any findings, the police Rung me too say they couldn’t take it any further due too there not being enough evidence too say either me or my baby’s dad caused it, the courts said they couldn’t say weather we had done it or not so for that reason he wouldn’t return home to me and his dad.

They never said much on what I had too do as I kept asking what I could do too help as I felt I’d failed as a parent so anything that could help me in the future would be good as I didn’t notice anything and they kept saying I should of noticed something wasn’t right.

Whenever they asked me to do something I did it, the social worker we had right at the start was amazing and she was extreamly helpful with it all and she basically said she didn’t blame me but about 6 weeks before the final hearing she went on sick and another social worker took over the case and she was horrible, she spoke down to me all the time and constantly made me out too be a liar and picked at any little thing she could which made me put my walls up then due too my anxiety and depression brought on by the situation so she started picking at the anxiety and depression saying I’m an unfit mum due too that which was heart breaking because yes I had anxiety before it all started but I did what I thought was best by getting help due to the rash then they made me out too be such an awful unfit mother

Could they say based on the fact my son is under an SGO with my mum that as soon as a new baby is born they will be taking it? Or do they have too do the pre-birth assessment and go from there? How many weeks are you when they do a pre-birth assessment? I’d love another child but I’m so scared they would just swoop in as soon as the baby’s born and take him/her, my son is the best thing that’s ever happened too me and I’ve missed out on so much with him and I couldn’t go through it all again. I’m still with his dad as like I say I never blamed him as he was absolutely amazing with him as a baby, whenever he was home from work I’d never get a look in with my son as he always wanted cuddles and too feed him.

The courts could never determine what happened with the rash/bruising so they basically said they weren’t taking that too court for the final hearing but the breaks they were but even then they couldn’t determine how they happened and neither could me or his dad, so because of that they couldn’t say if he would be safe with us or not, I get that as it doesn’t look right at all and I’ve said that right from the beginning but I’d never hurt him and the fact they thought I could is heartbreaking, all my family’s turned against me now too which is difficult too deal with as I’ve got no one now.

Sorry for the long post and a bit of a rant but it’s nice too of had a reply where I’m not been judged about the situation.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Hello

I believe each case is handled differently - there was a court ruling which if memory serves related to a family who were left in a pool of perpetrators. They (the family) challenged a decision which was being made on another child not related to the previous case ruling - that said it seems to be a lottery on which case has a positive outcome.

Each case should be judged on the here and now. Your history will be a factor.

In your own case neither you or your partner were charged. Yet you lost custody of your child.

You could in theory contact the legal team who represented you. They would know the case. Or alternatively you could seek out an opinion of another solicitor? You could also ask CS what would happen if you were to have another child.

I hope this helps?

Misery

[QuestionMark]

Hi,

I'm 22 also and going through a similar thing - I've posted quite a bit if you'd like to give my story a look but, to be brief, I have 3 children; a little girl (2 and a half) and son (who passed away at 3 months and 16 days) and a new son (who is now just over 4 months old). Each of my children have a different dad (which complicates matters but these things happen). My son who passed away had 4 healing rib fractures - I had no idea he was hurt until hours after he died. According to the estimated time-frame he would have been injured when he was around 3 months old. Myself and my ex (his dad) were left in the pool (I personally feel it was he who hurt our son but sometimes I think it may have been his dad also, who, unfortunately, the LA removed from the pool). My daughter has went to her dad full-time and my son is currently with my parents - I'm battling for his return and I've been told that, if I can get him home, I could get my daughter home too to co-parent. Proceedings are on-going at the moment and I've been told the ONLY negative they have is that I've been left in a pool, unfortunately, it is the biggest negative a person can have. I agree with Misery; it is a lottery.

Feel free to message me if you like, I'll try my best to give any advice I can xx