Worried!

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Kanga0113
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:11 pm

Worried!

Post by Kanga0113 » Tue Mar 03, 2020 2:00 pm

I'm currently pregnant with 3rd baby. My other 2 children are 10 and 9.

The eldest is under a special guardianship order and the youngest was adopted.

I was a very young mum with no support and couldn't cope at the time. I had nowhere to live as my mum was in a relationship dealing with domestic violence everyday.

my children and I were put into foster care.

I am now pregnant with 3rd baby. Getting married in a matter of months with loads of support and my own home I also work full time and have changed my life dramatically over the last 8 years.

The midwife informed me that she will have to alert social services. I'm now worried they will take my baby.

Midnightbloomer
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Feb 04, 2020 11:10 pm

Re: Worried!

Post by Midnightbloomer » Thu Mar 05, 2020 12:30 am

I not might offer the advice suzie will.

Children servies will get involved if a child has been taken from your care, my son is under child arrangment order(with my parents) I have contact every day and have him once a night(unsupervised) they told me they would need to make contact, I knew this would happen.

I was also worried, they will asses you now and gather information. I would work with them as much as you can(last time I did not). Having a good support network is a good thing. I hope I have helped in some way. Congratulations!

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2632
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Worried!

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Mar 25, 2020 1:03 pm

Kanga0113 wrote:
Tue Mar 03, 2020 2:00 pm
I'm currently pregnant with 3rd baby. My other 2 children are 10 and 9.

The eldest is under a special guardianship order and the youngest was adopted.

I was a very young mum with no support and couldn't cope at the time. I had nowhere to live as my mum was in a relationship dealing with domestic violence everyday.

my children and I were put into foster care.

I am now pregnant with 3rd baby. Getting married in a matter of months with loads of support and my own home I also work full time and have changed my life dramatically over the last 8 years.

The midwife informed me that she will have to alert social services. I'm now worried they will take my baby.
Dear Kanag00013

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, FRGs’ online adviser. I am sorry for the delay in responding to your post.

I am sorry to hear that your 10 and 9 year old children are no longer in your care. They are living with a special guardian and adoptive family respectively. You have explained that you were a vulnerable unsupported young mother at the time and were struggling to cope. You lived with domestic violence and spent time in care yourself as a young person.

You are now expecting your third child. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope that you are well. You now have a supportive partner who you are going to marry. You have a job, a home and a much increased support network. You have obviously worked very hard to achieve so much and are in a much better situation than you were.

You have already engaged with your midwife to get the right ante-natal care for yourself and your unborn baby. This already shows that you are being a responsible parent. The midwife has explained that she needs to make a referral to children’s services; this is usual practice when an expectant mother has had children removed from her care in the past. You have received a caring and helpful reply from another expectant mother with some useful practical advice and encouragement.

It is understandable that you are feeling worried about children’s services becoming involved now that you are pregnant. In particular, you are concerned that your baby might be taken away from you and that the difficulties you had in the past will mean that you will not be allowed to care for your new baby when they are born.

Children’s services will want to do a pre-birth assessment, to consider the past concerns but also to look at your current circumstances, to determine what is different now and how you (and your partner) will care for the new baby. From what you have said, your current situation is quite different and the assessment will look at the here and now as well as considering your past circumstances.

I don’t know how involved you are with your eldest child who lives with a special guardian or if you have been able to maintain any contact (indirect) with your child who has been adopted? This could be helpful information for the assessment but is not always possible.

I hope that these tips will help you prepare for an assessment and that you and your partner will be able to participate fully.

It is a good idea to:

• stay in regular touch with health professionals to make sure you get the ante-natal care that you and your baby need;
• work with the social worker to make a safe plan for your child for when they are born. This may include:
• you understanding and overcoming the problems which led to your previous children being removed and what support you need with your new baby;
*the social worker saying what support you may be offered when the baby is born to help you care for them, ,
*considering whether there is anyone else in the baby's family who is suitable to look after your baby if you cannot.
• Find out about what local parenting support programmes and mother and baby groups there are to help you develop your parenting skills before and after the baby is born and to know about local services.

The social worker will visit you and they will assess whether they think you can look after your baby.

In some cases if they are worried your baby may be at risk, they might arrange a child protection conference with other professionals can discuss this further.

If you need to, you could contact a solicitor who can advise you and help you discuss plans with the social worker, even before your baby is born.

The following advice sheets may be useful to you:

an introductory guide to local authority children’s services
what is a family group conference
family support
child protection procedures

And our specialist young parents’ website .

The most important thing is to look after yourself, continue to cooperate and seek further advice if you need it.

You are very welcome to post again if you have any queries during the assessment or if you would prefer to speak to an adviser please call our freephone helpline on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm (excluding bank holidays).

With best wishes

Suzie

Kanga0113
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2020 6:11 pm

Re: Worried!

Post by Kanga0113 » Thu May 14, 2020 3:05 pm

Just an update. I had a phone call today from the MASH team where I live and they have said I will have to be seen by a social worker.

It has got me even more worried that they think I will lose my baby.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2632
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Worried!

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu May 21, 2020 6:06 pm

Dear Kanga0113,

Welcome back to the Parent’s Forum.

I can see that a social worker will be contacting you shortly to carry out a pre- birth assessment.

I can also how worried you are. However, because of the previous court proceeding, it is completely normal that they want to carry out an assessment. They will want to assess your current circumstances and see what has changed since they were last involved.

I can see that you were so young when your older children were removed from you and your circumstances were very difficult.
It seems that things have changed so much since then. You have a place to live, a supportive partner and a full- time job. You have been going to your health appointments with your midwife. Carry on doing so.

The best thing to do is cooperate with the assessment. It could take up to 9 weeks, but it might be over in a few weeks. The social worker will want to see you and your partner to assess him. If you have any family or friends, they could also be assessed to see how they could support you.

The social worker will also want to speak to your midwife and GP as well as do checks with the police.
At the end of the assessment a decision will be made. This could be:
• To close the case;
• offer you family support;
• if they were worried that your baby might be at risk of being harmed, they may ask for a pre-birth child protection conference (meeting) to decide whether there should be a child protection plan.

Please look at my last post which gives more information and links to our advice sheets.



Please do not worry too much. You need to look after yourself. But if you think your stress levels are affecting your health, speak to your GP or midwife.
If you want to discuss things in depth, please call our free and confidential advice line or post again.
Best wishes,
Suzie

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