will my baby be taken from me?

[mummy04]

im pregnant with my first child and im so worried because of the fathers past , the pregnancy wasnt planned but im over the moon that im going to be a mum for the first time how ever my excitement is being over run by worry as the father to my baby has previous issues with social services , him and his ex partner had three children in total two older boys from her past relationship about 9 and 11 at the time and their one year old child at the time ( who is now 3) social services where involved for two reasons she was struggling as a mum as she couldn't bond with her children and had "detachment" issues as she put it , and he once slapped her 11 year old son in the face and from there social services where involved and the case went to court and i believe he was put on some kind of offenders register and he was ordered to move out of the home they shared together and stick to an agreement set by social services that he would have contact with their son at her house between agreed times and days , how ever they did not stick to this agreement and he saw his son more then he was meant to so they case went back to court and all of the children where taken from their care her two older boys went to live with her parents and their son went to live with her sister , he has regular contact with his son at her sisters. i am obviously very worried that social services will take my baby from me and especially worried that they will take them at birth i am no longer with the father to my baby but we have a very good relationship and he comes to all my ante natal appointments and scans and i would very much like him to be a part of my babies life , i am not worried about him being violent as he is such a different person from then as to what he is now and i have never seen a violent side to him, i live at home with parents and this is where the baby will live also do you think my baby will be taken from me im so worried!!!

[mummyof2]

Hi I'm going through a very similiar situation as you except I had a one night stand with a guy with this kind of past and I haven't even seen him since. I also have a 4 year old daughter who lives with me, social services are involved and right now I don't have a clue what there doing tbh! I'm 30weeks pregnant and each week that goes by I'm getting more terrified. How many weeks pregnant are you now? Are social services involved yet? I would be honest and inform them because if you don't they could easily find out and think your being deceptive. This assessment process is absolutely awful and I've had days when I can't bring myself to eat or sleep from all the worrying so if you want to chat and have some support then I'm here (hugs)

[mummy04]

im only 13 weeks pregnant at the moment but i just cant stop worrying about it all i really dont no what social services will do have they given you any idea as what will happen with your children yet? no social services are not involved yet and im not really sure what the best approach is im just so worried that they will take my baby1

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello mummy04

Welcome to the discussion boards. My name is Suzie and I am an adviser at Family Rights Group.

I can see you have already had a really supportive reply from mummyof2.

I am not clear from your post whether Children's Services (Social Services) are already involved in your situation or not.

From what you have said, the concerns Children's Services had about your ex partner's previous children were serious and resulted in him not being able to have unsupervised contact with them. It seems likely, therefore, that Children's Services will want to assess your situation to ensure your baby is not put at any risk of harm from your ex. This does not mean, however, that your baby will be removed from you.

You will be your baby's main carer and Children's Services will be looking to you to protect him/ her from any potential harm. It sounds as though you also have the support of your parents, which is very positive.

As mummyof2 has said, I would advise that you are completely open and honest with professionals about your ex partner's history. This demonstartes from the outset that you are aware of potential concerns about your baby and that you and your baby's dad are willing and able to work co-operatively with professionals to prioritise the baby's welfare.

It is important that you listen carefully to any concerns being raised by Children's Services and demonstrate that you fully understand these and are willing to take whatever steps necessary to protect your baby.

It may be that Children's Services assess you are able to manage the situation and ensure that any contact your ex has with his baby is safely supervised. Alternatively, Children's Services may feel that it is necessary for them to play more of a role in protecting your baby by putting a child in need or child protection plan in place.

Children's Services would only seek to remove your baby if they assessed there was reasonable cause to believe that s/he would be likely to suffer significant harm in your care.

If there are no significant concerns about your own parenting skills, however, and you show that you are willing to follow advice from Children's Services about the baby's contact with dad, there is no reason that children's Services would seek to remove him/ her from your care.

I hope this is a useful start mummy04. You might want to have a look at our advice sheets about family support services/ child protection proceedures which can be found on our website here; http://www.frg.org.uk/need-help-or-advice/advice-sheets

Do post again and let us know how you are getting on and if you need any further advice. Alternatively, you are welcome to call our free and confidential advice line (0808 8010366) when it re-opens on January 2nd (9.30am- 3.30pm)

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser

[mummy04]

thank you very much suzie i see no reason at all why social services would question my parenting skills. no social services are not involved yet but off course im going to be completely open and honest with them and off course will be willing to support what they say is the best thing to do regarding contact with my ex as my baby's safety is the number one priority just as long as it doesnt mean taking my baby from my care then i will fully support their advice and opinions.

[mummyof2]

Some advice I can give is that I actually referred myself, although is doesn't seem like the right thing to do the sw seems to except that I'm willing to put my children first. They will also look through his files and inform you of anything that's important so you can protect your baby, ias I was never actually in a relationship with him I found this scary but very useful as they told me something about him that if I had known before hand I would have never let him near me or my daughter, although I'm not saying this is the case for you, he may not have told you the whole truth about why his children were removed and so it would be useful to know what actually happened although there is only so much information they can give you. I've also found that if you work with them your more likely to get a positive outcome, if your defensive or unco-operative they will see it as you putting your own needs before your childs. Also they will want to look at the preparations you have made for the baby and make sure you have everything your baby will need. They also check with the midwife if you have been attending all your apps and scans and they view this as very important if you miss apps they may think you aren't prioritising your child. Also you could go to your local childrens centre, they often have parenting courses throughout the year, this will show them your preparing for the care of your child, I have attended a few of these before I was pregnant with my daughter and am starting 2 more in the next few weeks. You say you are still close to the babys father but may have to prepare yourself that cs may want you to stop all contact and you should only agree to this if you are fully committed as if you agreed and they later found out you had contact it could cause major problems. I haven't actually seen my babys father since my one night standd and so I had no problem signing an agreement stating that I wouldn't allow him contact with either of my children in fact I was the one who actually suggested this. Is there anything else you would like to know?