trying to get help for my 14 year old daugher

[pigletsfriend]

in the passed i had a tuff time with socal services. i went throw a devorse when she was a year old as my ex was abuse to me and my older son who is not the father of the other 2 children i had with the abusive ex. in the end i left him but he would not leave me be. when i was raped at home and as a result i was very depressed my home was a mess. my ex was arrested amited having sex and denid any rape charge at the time. i was so disterbed what what he did i was on a police section at the hospital. when i went home and got the children from the nablors i had a call to say a socail worker was coming down. i called my friend who helped me clean the home up. but on arival at the home the children was told they had to go with him. and i had to let them go. after they went i went in to melt down i did not no what to do. i went throw court hearing with my ex and alsorts and no one belived my daugher that she was abused by him to as he was going for contact at first which he got. my friend works for the NHS and she was to supvise the hand overs at the contact center and she was sexualy harrased by emails and calls ect and one contact she had enough she had reported her harrasment with the police and had to give her mobile fone up to them. when he kissed and huged her in frount of the children she refused to do any more contacts with the children. my children by this time was on child protection for emotioanal abuse as i was told i was lieing as my ex denied every thing we told police or socail workers. my friend stuck by me i was section again as i started to self harm and they put me on medication. and the children was in and out of care all the time for a few months. my friend got me back on my feet helped with the cleaning and i then got a private cleaner in. then i decided i should move to wales as i live england. to get away from him i told the socail worker and he said he may be beter that way and he backed me in family court hearings. but at the time my ex the day i moved play crafty he got a phoibites steps order to stop me moveing so we had to put all on hold my friend payed the rent for the new place for over 6 months to keep it for us he also tryed for custory my daugher was about 10 by then. in the end oonly but a resonble daught to what i was saying it was said i was allowed to move with contact. my children had to see there day each and every holiday they went first time they came back complaining and police was invoved again. the last time was at a christmas and then they refused all together. my daugher is now 14 and so depressed as we have moved back to take care of my mum my ex as not been to my home since we got back but as been hanging around in town as he new we was back some how. and it bothered my daugher so much she wants to commit suised she is being bulied at school and among other things. she went to the doctor on her own back and tallked to them they refered her to and pycologest. the doctor belived what she was tellling them even tho it was historical stuff she refered her to socail services. then she heard nothering and is refusing to go to school or she will hurt herself.she blamed me for not sorting her dad out one night and ran out the door 2 hours later i decided to call the police and they said they already got her as some one called the police as she told them about her dad what he had done to her. and he said he will talk to socal services to and check out the recolds to. but a few days leter i got a letter saying they was not pepared to help me and closed the case. as my daugher is not at risk from me. that is fine i am glad all i need is support. now since all this happedn i realise now that why i was not talking right up set and change of routines and the children geting took of me and it happed lots in my life i new i was diffent and i did not belve i was a lier as i can not lie i just never had eye contact and when stressed i strudle to want to talk. my friend payed for me to ahve a private asssssment for aspergers and that is what i had all along. now i belive the ole thing is affecting my daugher and all she wants is to be belvied she is sayig bad things to me and blaming me becasus i should have done some thing but she does not relise it was not my fault she was not belived. it was the orthoritys i realy need help for her. she called a solitor the other day and i am waiting for the appointment to go with my friend as we have doctoment all things. in the passed we rote leters of complants to police and socail services and got no where the case was closed. we even had to right to the CRB as whe i had to have a check it said on there that i lied about abuse claims and was sectioned on the police mental health act and that was took off the next time i needed one done as it was said on child reports there was no evidece to proof what i was saying yes no evidence. my daugfher needs help and the right help and i want to go back and put that right for her. i was not making any of it up it was all true i was not mentaly ill i had aspergers my routine was messed up and my home was a mess. seince i was dianosed 3 years ago now i have a adult socail worker who got me support to keep me on top of house work and a support worker from the NAS to help me out. my home does get messy but i never had my children took away i try to be a good mum all my chidlren no that my older son of 24 is very close to me and so is the younger lad liz as started to throw hurtful things my way and puting the blame on me i want the blame put in the right place so my daugher will be belived and justist is done so she gets the right help and the right support and goes back in to school. any one out there can help or been there? how would i go abut geting this sorted? in the best intrestests of my children all of them for that mater as my older son witnessed lots of stuff from my ex and was abused himself and he is now adult. i am planing to set a group up a face to face group up for people just like me and i now have a room but i still do not no how to put things right i am hoping to learn how on here and within the group just becasuse i set it up does not mean we are not support ing each other and even right letters of complant and change the systom i belve that peple with a disabilty of any kind they should work with the family and in some cases there is a need for child protection but in some i belve a lot of support like i get now covers it and that is where are rights come in as now it as a knock on affect with one of my children

[pigletsfriend]

this as been on here a few days any one get any advice? been there? we now have a solicitors appointment this afternoon and my daughter her self is taking her dad to court but i want to change the way social services are doing things this is completely out of order that police and socal workers did not believe the children and me there mother and it as come to this now my daugher is allowed in her own rights. it should have been dealt with in the passed not let it carry on till a child decides to deal with it when they are older.

[Esme, Moderator]

Hello pigletsfriend

Welcome to the discussion boards. My name is Esme and I am the discussion board moderator.

I have read your post and I am so sorry to hear about the terrible experiences you and your family have had and the distressing situation that you continue to suffer.

Unfortunately I am not able to give you any specific advice but I wanted to let you know that our online adviser, Suzie, is aware of your post and will be responding to you in the next couple of days. I'm really sorry for the delay- we are a small organisation and we do get very busy at times.

Please do keep checking back for Suzie's response over the next couple of days. In the meantime, it may be helpful for you to look at the interactive information and advice section of our website.

Take care.

Esme
FRG Moderator

[pigletsfriend]

just been solistors and my daugher told them all what she remembers we showed them all papers relateing to what she was saying as we are only going to go on what she remembers. we are persuing a crimnamal inderis claim agaist are local socail services re garing my daugher. and we was told to let all my other family members do it on line form lmy daugher will use a solistor for support as hers was worse for a child. and bein the oldest my friend who works for the nhs will be doing all the online things with my younger son and my olderson will claim in is own rights indpendent as he is 24 the thing is it affects the whole family this kind of thing. and it is not right for them to put any one down especaly children and them not being belived when i there mum in there life was not suffering from mental health but it is a condituon i have had all my life but only recently been able to get a dinos of aspergers so if i went in to melt down becase of what was going on or let my home slip it was not delibrate it was the fact there was things going on with my ex for years and non of us was making it up now we can do this as a family so in hope it will not happen all over again to other familys it is realy not fair the system. the children was at risk of my ex not of me. i just needed support and i was on child protetion becasuse of me as well and tthe socail worker new we waas moving as the courts ordered he droped it to a child in need!!!1 as the courts let me keep the children so some one belived us hight up them the folk that should have been helping. it is a shame and i hope to change things after this with my face to face groups. will keep you up dated as we progress i hope and i sure we will. we have a lot on are side to take this faward.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Piglets Friend

My name is Suzie, an online adviser from the Family Rights Group.

Sorry to hear about the difficult situation you have experienced with Children’s Services, and that it has taken us some time to get back to you. We are a small charity with a limited staff team, so it has not been possible to respond before now. Thanks for sharing your story here in so much detail. I hope I have understood it correctly from the information you have provided.

Firstly, can I say that in spite of the distressing time you have had - with the divorce, the alleged rape, the allegation of sexual abuse towards your daughter, your mental health concerns, your children being taken in and out of care, as well as the child protection plan and the prohibited steps order made through the courts - how proud you should be for remaining child focussed, fighting for your children’s rights, and staying so strong throughout this difficult period of your life.

It seems that your 14 year old daughter is continuing to suffer on an emotional level, and needs a scapegoat, and someone to blame for not being believed about her disclosure of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, you are the easiest and closest person she has chosen to target her distress. Hopefully, your oldest son will start to think differently, at a point when he feels ready to do so.

Secondly, can I suggest you request, via the GP or social worker, that an urgent referral is made to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services to see if she can have a psychiatric or psychological assessment, depending on what is assessed to be in her best interests.

The Lucy Faithfull Foundation are an organisation that specialises in providing supportive services to families who have been effected by sexual abuse. As well as practical advice, they may be able to discuss counselling or therapeutic support with you.

Thirdly, as a result, of your hard work and persistence, you now have a solicitor who is pursuing a criminal injuries compensation claim on behalf of your children. Some support from Adult Services with your asperger’s diagnosis, and a support worker from the National Austistic Society.

May I suggest you make contact with Rape Crisis, and National Women’s Aid Helpline for support in your own right. It is positive to note that you plan to use your experiences to channel your energy so you can offer mutual support other parents. Hopefully, some of which may respond to your thread here.

The child in need plan, reflects the fact that Children’s Services have assessed you as being able to prioritise your children's needs, and are positively parenting your children. However, you are entitled to receive the additional family support, to help you cope through what has been a particularly traumatic time. So continue to engage with it, to see if the professionals would be willing to refer you to some of the agencies I have suggested here.

It may be helpful for you to look at our complaints advice sheet.

In the meantime, continue to work closely with your solicitor, so they can be updated about your circumstances, and offer you the best legal advice at this time.

If you wish to discuss your complex situation with an adviser, please feel free to contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Kind Regards

Suzie

[pigletsfriend]

she got her self a solicitor and is going to help the gp was really good they got her in to see a pycolgest so i am sure she will also get the support she needs. why we are waiting i got her a private counciler just for her to of load to!! seems to be working plus hormones on top of it lol so i think she will be fine.

[pigletsfriend]

with all the trouble i had when they was younger and not being belived the gp told socal services there was a child in need we got a leter back to say they looked at the case and closed it so no social worker at this time but my daugher as been told while me there that it was there fault that she suffered so much and with it re surfing then i can see why they would not help i must amit i am trying so hard with my children that i feel that we will be fine it is not like tehy are in danger or anything if i have let her do what she wants and got her support on top of it all! sure one the psychologist or one of the professionals would pick up on any thing i was doing wrong lol as i do not think there is such a thing as a perfect parent!!!!!