I'm having a baby with a sex offender

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Glitter202

Welcome to Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I can see from your post that you are concerned about how the fact of your partner’s conviction and subsequent Sex Offender’s registration will affect you both should you decide to have a baby.

It is difficult to say what exactly would happen because each case is dealt with on its own particular circumstances. On a general note, children services (new name for social services) will become involved as a result of your partner’s background. As Shaftesbury has stated in her response to her post, there is likely to be a risk assessment of your partner to assess the risk he might pose to your child. Children Services may decide to have an initial child protection conference prior to your child’s birth and this will involve all professionals working with you e.g. midwife, GP etc to make a decision about how your child could be safeguarded and what plans should be in place in readiness for the baby’s birth.

Both you and your partner would be expected to engage and work with children services in any assessments to be done, do any courses suggested that you both undertake. I am including here for your further information a copy of our advice sheet relating to child protection procedures.

You may also like to contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation on 0808 1000 900, this is an organisation with expertise in matters relating sexual abuse and related sexual offences. I am sure they will be able to advice you further on the best way your partner and you might be able to show children services that it is safe for you to keep your baby in your care whilst taking account of his history.

Shaftesbury has posted a response to your post and given you benefit of experience and it may be that others will do the same.

My suggestion to you is that you try not to minimise in anyway what your partner did by, for example, making excuses or blaming the victim for her maturity or behaviour. It will be thought that you might not be a protective factor for your child if you express views which might be seen as you indicating that his behaviour is excusable.

I hope you find this helpful. Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please do not hesitate to telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.30 p.m. Monday to Friday.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Mysterious girl]

Hi All. Thought I would re activate my account after forgetting my password and give you an update on everything thats happened over the last two years for some light incase any one else is in my situation.

My little boy is now 2 and a half, social services were involved for the first 7 months of his life and although I was originally scared, they helped a lot. I had to go on a course to learn the differences of offenders and learn all about when to tell if someone is being too friendly, and my mum and mother in law had to supervise contact until ss were happy that I could protect him.

The last contact we had was December 2016, just before Christmas where they signed me off as being able to take care of my child and left me with a plan. He did not get put on the child protection plan which i was also scared of, I fully co operated with them and in the end they ended up helping me a lot more than I expected, my mum kicked me out when my LO was 4 months old and they were a big help, even just being there to listen to me when i needed to vent.

The plan is that LO dad has supervised contact with his son, which has been so hard for me basically raising him alone but his dad has visited most weekends or we would go out for the day as a family. Obviously not the normal way a family work but I was just so glad to be able to say I can protect my child

In the future when he is off the Sex Offenders Register (Which is in 6 weeks) and we feel like we want to move in together we have to self refer ourselves to make sure there are things in place, which is why I have now re activiated this account in search for advice on even if this is possible. Obviously It will be a big step, but I am hoping the fact that LO dad has kept out of trouble and will be rehabilitated that it might work in his favour, he absolutely adores his son and I would love for us to one day become a family. My trust has grown in him over the past two years so hopefully something might work out for me eventually haha.

Has anyone who is no longer on the SOR moved in with their child and SS were ok with it? What was done for protection etc? My family have told me that once he is off the register SS Shouldn't have to get involved as he is rehabilitated but I feel it would be in my sons best interest to just clarify that it would be OK or whether there would be a problem.

[PerfectlySafeDad]

Hi Mysterious girl, thanks for this update, it is helpful to a lot of us. I'm a Dad in a similar position (but a lot older, 48) to your BF. I got 5 years on the register and hope to be off it in 3 years time. I already had 2 young sons at the time of the offences (but no offences towards them, and love them to bits, normally!!). Naturally social services have curtailed my human rights in this too, and it's supervised contact only 'for now' they said (it's been 2 years of it now). So I too wonder where I will stand when I'm off the register.
I found this, which gives me hope and should be of interest to you too:
http://hub.unlock.org.uk/knowledgebase/ ... -services/
Lower down on that webpage there's a bit titled 'starting a family of your own'. It says under that, "Once a person is off the register they should be treated no differently to anyone else."
This makes perfect fair sense to me, but I don't know how authoritative that site is, it seems to be a respectable support/advice resource for ex-offenders. I'm not convinced social services will abide by this in reality - ie respect rehabilitation - because all I have ever read or experienced about them tells me they are utter back-covering ****s who are never prepared to (in essence) trust and forgive ex-offenders. I think the only reason they have been kind to you is because you agreed to shut your baby's Dad (the offender) out of unsupervised contact and out of the home. For a start, it concerns me that you have to self-refer yourself to ensure 'things are in place' as you put it. That does not sound to me like they have any intention of letting you and he have a normal family life together. I mean, if he's off the register and to all intents and purposes 'rehabilitated' what the hell needs to be 'in place' ffs? You've ALREADY had 'things put in place' during the time they were officially needed and justifiable and you cooperated brilliantly.
I hope I am wrong. At least that site offers some optimism I'm sure you'll agree.
If they do make life difficult for you and he, I would sincerely hope you fight back along the human rights and harassment lines. Do not let them bully you further.
By the way..
I don't know what the offences were precisely, but it concerns me greatly re human rights in this country that a person who has done something of a sexual nature at only 14 has to pay for it all the way into their adult life even after it's spent. I exaggerate not when I say that ought to be a damn issue for Amnesty International. Again, I hope I'm wrong. Good luck to you (and him), you seem like an extremely sensible and fair young person.

[PerfectlySafeDad]

My boyfriend had a week-long relationship with a girl who was 10 days before her 16th birthday and he was sentenced to a year in prison and ten years on the Register.

An Absolute disgrace and absurdity. Outright tyranny. Amnesty International need to look at that.

[Mysterious girl]

Hi perfectly safe dad, thankyou for the response and the advice, hopefully I won't have much a fight with them!

The reason it laid dormant for years and the reason he's only just done his 5 years now (convicted 2014) is because although these things happened before he was 14, the 'victim' hummed and ahhed wether to press charges, she reported it to the police when she was around 17 ..... but told the police she didn't want to press charges and my partner was told by the police himself it would not go further. Then in 2013 he randomly got a court summons. Because it was a historical offence it was literally his word against hers... We were literally petrified and ended up taking a plea bargain that stated he would not go to jail. I'm hoping as take into account that it has been so long and he has not got into any other bother and just let us be. I'm tempted to go to citizens advice and see where he stands x

[321321]

I would have waited those 3 years to have a baby with him and abstained from pregnancy until he was off the register.

[Jellybean123]

Hi I’m having a baby with someone who is on the child sex offenders list, I just wanted to know where I stand. Child services are already involved but I just want to know if we will be able to settle down and have the child together or someone who’s gone through the same thing could let me know how they got on with child services and if the baby was taken away from them! Thank you I’m so upset and scared

[Need help 2021]

Hi jelly bean I so your post is all depends on the offence to be honest it has been crazy 2 years for me and the end result has to come to that we would have to split up or they will put my son in someone else care which I am not happy about .if you don’t mind me asking why was your partner on the register for

[Jellybean123]

He was put on it as he was talking to a 12 and 13 year old. Beofre me and him got together, he regrets all his past and knows what he did was wrong but I love him to much to lose him and I’m scared that that is going to be the case and I don’t want to split up with him

[Need help 2021]

I can’t totally understand my love Wht is his condition does it say that he can live with under 16 or anything . I will be honest with you if you take his side and protect him they will say you are not being a protective factor which you don’t want at all