Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Hello,

I am writing because I am currently placed in a Mother and Baby Unit with my newborn son, and I am struggling profoundly. I am reaching a point where I no longer feel able to cope, and I urgently need advice, advocacy, and support.

I did not want this placement, but I agreed to it because I was told it would be with my partner. That plan was changed at the very last minute, and the impact of that decision has been devastating for me. My partner is my main source of emotional and practical support. We parent well together, we share responsibilities naturally, and caring for our baby is genuinely easier and healthier when we are together. His absence has left me isolated, exhausted, and overwhelmed in a way I was not prepared for.

Although he visits, it is not the same as parenting together. I am left to cope alone for long stretches, particularly at night, when I struggle the most. Night feeds and sleep deprivation are extremely difficult for me, and instead of feeling supported, I feel watched, judged, and scrutinised.

I am autistic and currently experiencing severe depression, which some professionals have described as postnatal depression. I do not feel reasonable adjustments are being made for my disability. Instead, my distress is often misinterpreted, and I experience a lack of compassion at times when I am most vulnerable.

The level of monitoring within the unit is intense and deeply distressing for me. I feel under constant observation. I am monitored and questioned about how long I spend in the bathroom, even when I have health-related complaints. This has left me feeling stripped of dignity and privacy.

Because of this constant surveillance, I have developed an overwhelming fear that I am being watched at all times, including a persistent fear that there may be hidden cameras in private areas such as the bathroom. This fear extends to my partner when he visits. Whether or not this is the case, the belief and anxiety around it are very real for me and are causing significant psychological distress. I no longer feel safe or able to relax during basic, private moments of care.

Since the birth, I am also still dealing with physical recovery issues. At times I have been left walking around in soiled or blood-stained underwear and clothing due to ongoing postnatal bleeding and a lack of timely support or practical help. This has been deeply humiliating and has further eroded my sense of dignity and self-worth at a time when I am already extremely vulnerable.

One support worker recently made allegations about me that I believe are false. This has deeply affected me and has made me feel unsafe and mistrustful of staff. I now feel that anything I do or say can be used against me, which has left me constantly on edge and afraid of making mistakes.

I also feel that support within the unit is inconsistent and unequal. Other residents who appear to present with lower levels of risk receive more practical and emotional support than I do. This has left me feeling overlooked, unheard, and singled out.

I feel trapped in this placement. I have been told that if I leave, my baby will be removed from my care and placed into foster care, with only a slim chance of reunification. This knowledge has left me terrified and hopeless. I am staying not because it is helping me, but because I am frightened of losing my child.

Since arriving here, my mental health has deteriorated significantly. I am struggling to eat, to wash, and to care for myself. I cry daily and live with a constant, deep sense of despair that continues to worsen rather than improve.

My pregnancy and birth were extremely traumatic. My baby became stuck during labour, I was in severe pain that was not relieved by medication, and I ultimately required an emergency caesarean section due to serious risks to both of us. I lost a significant amount of blood and was under extreme stress. Following the birth, social care involvement in the hospital felt overwhelming and intrusive. Support workers were present constantly, and both my partner and family were deeply distressed by how we were treated. My family described the experience as degrading.

Concerns about my partner have been raised relating to cannabis use for ADHD. Reports were made during labour when I was unwell, in severe pain, and experiencing hallucinations. I said things at that time that were not accurate, and I do not believe this context has been fairly considered. My partner has never harmed me or our child. His presence stabilises me and makes parenting manageable, yet he is being excluded at great cost to my wellbeing.

The person who makes parenting feel possible and balanced for me is no longer allowed to be here, and the absence of that support is breaking me.

I love my son deeply and want to care for him safely and lovingly. However, this placement is causing me significant harm, and I am extremely concerned about the impact it is having on my mental health and my ability to cope.

I am urgently asking for advice on:

- My rights to privacy, dignity, and reasonable adjustments within a Mother and Baby Unit
- Whether this placement remains appropriate given my deteriorating mental health
- How to challenge inaccurate or unfair reports
- Whether the level of monitoring I am experiencing is lawful and proportionate
- How my partner can be fairly assessed and supported to join the placement
- What alternative arrangements might exist that protect my baby while safeguarding my mental health

I am not asking to abandon support. I am asking for support that does not cause harm.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly hope you can help.

Kind regards,
Abigail

Hi Catyns919,

I am reading your post and my heart goes out to you. You are describing a living nightmare, I would liek to give yo as much advice as I can.
A Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) is meant to be a place of support, but for an Autistic mother with PND, it can feel like a prison where you are being tested 24/7.

First, and hear this ok, You are not failing. You are a vulnerable new mother, recovering from a traumatic birth, placed under intense scrutiny in an environment that is not designed for your neurodivergence. Anyone would be struggling in these circumstances.

However, I need to give you some very specific, urgent advice because, based on what you have written, you are currently at high risk of failing this assessment.

Here is the strategy to survive this and keep your baby.

1. The "Hidden Cameras" Danger
You wrote: "I have developed an overwhelming fear that... there may be hidden cameras in private areas such as the bathroom."

THE TRUTH: Legally, they cannot have hidden cameras in bathrooms. It is a violation of human rights. The chances of hidden cameras is VERY ,VERY unlikely unless you have 100% solid evidence which you do not

THE RISK: If you keep telling the Social Workers/Staff that you believe there are cameras, they will not view this as "Anxiety." They will view this as Paranoia or Psychosis.

THE CONSEQUENCE: This is the fastest way to get the baby removed. They will argue that if you are suffering from delusions, you are not safe to hold a baby.

ACTION: Stop mentioning the cameras to the care staff immediately. If you are terrified, tell a Doctor (Psychiatrist/GP): "I am experiencing severe anxiety and intrusive thoughts due to trauma." Frame it as anxiety, not reality.

2. Hygiene and Dignity (The Self-Neglect Trap)
You are walking around in soiled clothing because you are overwhelmed. This is heartbreaking, but it is also evidence they are using against you.

They are writing: "Mother is neglecting her own basic needs; high risk of neglecting baby's needs."

You need to treat self-care as a Job Requirement.

Do not wait for them to offer help. You must ask clearly and professionally.

"I need to shower and change to maintain my hygiene. Please hold the baby for 15 minutes while I do this."

If they refuse, write it down: "Staff refused to support basic hygiene at [Time]."

3. The Partner (The "Dependency Trap")
You wrote: "The person who makes parenting feel possible... is no longer allowed to be here."

The Reality: They have excluded him (likely due to the cannabis/hallucinations concerns during the birth). They are now testing: Can this mother parent alone?

Every time you say, "I can't cope without him," you are handing them evidence to remove your child. You are proving that you are "dependent" on a partner they deem unsafe.

The Strategy: You must pivot. You have to "fake it until you make it." You must show them you can feed, change, and settle the baby by yourself. Make your success independent of him for now.

4. Autism Rights (Reasonable Adjustments)
You have a legal right to adjustments under the Equality Act 2010. You are not being "difficult"; you are being Autistic in a neurotypical system.

Compassion vs. Rights: "Compassion" is not a legal adjustment. "Written instructions" and "Scheduled checks" are.

Action: You need to formally request these adjustments in writing (see draft below).

5. Can you leave?
If you walk out of that unit today without an agreed plan, they will take the baby into foster care immediately.

Is there a family member who has passed a police check and could offer to supervise you 24/7? If not, you must stay and fight for improvements inside the unit.

ACTION PLAN: Send this email immediately!!
Copy and paste this email to the Unit Manager and your Social Worker. This puts them on legal notice regarding your Autism and requests a clear plan for your partner.
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Subject: URGENT: Request for Reasonable Adjustments (Equality Act 2010) & Partner Plan

Dear [Social Worker] and [Unit Manager],

I am writing to formally raise concerns regarding my current placement and to request reasonable adjustments under the Equality Act 2010 regarding my diagnosis of Autism.

1. Deteriorating Mental Health & Reasonable Adjustments The current environment is causing significant deterioration in my mental health. The constant verbal questioning and unpredictable monitoring are exacerbating my sensory overload and anxiety. To enable me to parent my son effectively, I require the following Reasonable Adjustments:

Written Communication: Please provide feedback and questions in writing where possible, rather than on-the-spot verbal questioning which causes me to shut down.

Scheduled Monitoring: I request a predictable schedule for checks, rather than random intrusion, to allow me to regulate my anxiety.

Hygiene Support: Due to physical recovery from the C-section, I require guaranteed time (15 mins daily) where staff care for the baby so I can shower and change.

2. Clarification on Partner I understand my partner has been excluded. However, his exclusion is impacting my support system. Please provide a written Roadmap detailing exactly what steps/assessments he needs to complete (e.g., drug testing, courses) to be reconsidered for the placement or contact.

3. Correction of Records I am requesting access to my daily logs. I wish to formally correct inaccuracies regarding [mention the false allegation].

I want to work with you to care for my son safely, but I require these adjustments to function.

Kind regards,
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Yyou can do this.

Silence on the cameras. (Tell a doctor about the anxiety, not the staff about the plot).!!!

Send the email.

Shower daily. (Force yourself. It is part of the test).

You are fighting for your son. Keep going.
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For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.