Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Last week my partner and I had a disagreement. I told him if he began to raise his voice I would call the police (at this point there were no voices being raised) in efforts for the situation not to escalate. My three children were home, 2 of which are autistic and non verbal. He then decided to call the police on himself and in the middle of all this I gained a small cut to my eye which was a complete accident as he knocked some decorations off the side as we were tidying up which caught the side of my eye, my children were not in the room at the time and I explained everything to the police as did he. I told the police that he would never be violent and he was released the following day without any charges and came back home. The part that looks bad is that my eldest son came into the room when he had called the police and asked them to attend our address and given the phone to my son and asked him to go back into his bedroom and shut the door. After which point my son was in his bedroom on the phone to the operator and my partner was raising his voice. I spoke to my son after all this and he told me he did not hear or see anything which he also told the police. Obviously as protocol police have made a referral to social services and they have asked to visit for a child in need assessment. I also told them that I know he has been struggling a bit with drinking but he never ever drinks in the house as I have made it clear I wont allow it and doesn’t communicate to me regarding his drinking very much. When the police arrested him I felt he was acting very out of character and also made this clear to them. He has been to the gp for his drinking twice over the past couple of years but the GP was not overly concerned as he doesn’t binge drink just has a few too many maybe once a week. He has since contacted the gp again for support with his drinking and possible anxiety since losing his mum. I’m not worried about a home visit as my house is extremely well kept and I know my kids are all safe and happy and also not concerned about my own gp records, my children’s or school records. I am worried they will see his gp records in regards to seeing them for help with depression and drinking and see him as a risk. will they take my kids from me following his behaviour, the recent drinking and also the situation that took place (including the cut to my eye which really didn’t look good or help the situation). Will social services take my children off me? I don’t want them to think I am covering for him. He is an excellent dad and also there main carer whilst I work but I am happy to tell them I think he needs support to cut down on his drinking. What is going to happen and what are the likely outcomes? It would really be difficult if they asked me to get him to leave as a I have to work and having two high needs autistic children we both really need the support of each other to bring them up. They have already called me asking if I believe he would drinking when he has the kids at home and I am at work. I told them absolutely not as I know he never ever would and he’s a fantastic dad just dealing with a few of his own issues mentally since losing his mum a couple of years ago but he doesn’t let this come into our home life he will always leave and go off elsewhere. I also just want to add that 2 years ago he also called the police to our property for the same reason which he said was because he wanted to de escalate an argument between us, no children were home in this instance and nothing came from it. What are the most likely outcomes from this current situation?? I’m so worried they are going to take my kids. I take so much pride in being a good mum. My children are my whole world and I can’t stop worrying about what’s going to happen.

A child in need assessment is done to make sure the Children are safe and see if any family support or intervention maybe needed, please try not too worry about it,does your partner have autism? If not has he ever looked at getting a diagnosis.
Also he might find it helpful to look for local services in your area to support with his alcohol use have a look online he should be able to self refer.

Hi Kann17,

I can hear how frightened you are, and that reaction makes complete sense. When social services get mentioned, most parents immediately think “are they going to take my children?” but what you’ve described does not read like that kind of situation.

A Child in Need assessment is not about removal. It is used when professionals want to understand what’s going on in a family and whether any support might help. Children are only removed where there is evidence of ongoing or immediate risk of significant harm. Nothing in your post suggests that threshold is met.

The police attended, heard both of you, accepted the explanation about the injury, brought no charges, and allowed your partner to return home. Your children were not present when the accident happened, and your son has been clear that he didn’t see or hear anything. That matters. Social services will take that into account.

Your partner asking for help, both by contacting the GP and by previously calling the police to de-escalate, is not seen as a negative. It is usually viewed as a protective factor. Struggling with grief, anxiety or drinking and seeking support does not make someone an unsafe parent. The fact you’ve been open about it, rather than minimising or hiding it, also works in your favour.

The questions you’ve been asked about drinking are standard. They don’t mean they think he drinks around the children; they are checking. Your clear and consistent answers, along with his GP involvement, show there are boundaries in place and insight into the issue.

What usually happens next in cases like this is a home visit, a write-up of the assessment, and either the case closing or a short Child in Need plan offering voluntary support. That might be signposting to bereavement support, anxiety support, or alcohol services. It is very unlikely they would ask your partner to leave the home based on what you’ve described. That tends to happen only where there is repeated violence, denial, refusal to engage, or clear ongoing risk.

You are not covering for him. You are describing the situation honestly and proportionately. You sound like a protective parent who takes safeguarding seriously, and that is exactly what social workers look for.

Try to hold on to this: Child in Need assessments are about help, not punishment. From what you’ve written, this looks like a stressful incident that triggered a referral, not a case heading towards removal.

Thank you so much for your replies. They have really helped me to feel less worried about the whole situation. Thanks all. I really appreciate your support. What an amazing group!