Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Hello to anyone who can help with advice!
Due to a decline in my mental health and no support… I became so poorly that I shared my delusions with my child who was 8. My girl was taken from me and fostered by my mother who has a history of violence and a temper. The LA think she’s a poor granny who needs support with everything and she gets it- including a massive amount of maintenance from my ex and fostering allowance. I believe these things to be the reason she sabotages my attempts and parenting my girl. I lost my girl, my home and my identity and over the three years since that- I’ve got everything back. I work, drive, have regular contact with my daughter- including two overnights a month. I have to sons who are grown men now and one lives with me.18m ago I applied to court to discharge the care order. My daughter is unhappy and recently produced some recordings of my mum abusing her in every way but physical. They have been submitted to court, but on the whole nobody seems worried and though the judge said they were horrendous, nobody else has batted an eyelid. The LA put my mother in a course about teenagers (my daughter is now 11)
The LA asked my daughter if she wanted the police involved and she said no… bc she is afraid of the police. I’m currently changing antidepressants due to side effects and I keep bursting into tears over the situation. We had court last week and the judge seemed keen when my barrister mentioned an ENE. I’m really hoping that the idea behind this is to see if the LA would be willing to compromise. It has crossed my mind that he wants somebody to tell us that we’ve got no chance.
My barrister is not hopeful I asked what she would do in my shoes and she said she sees no merit in continuing the case and that if things continue to break down with my daughters placement, the LA will reunite her with me IN TIME! I was so hurt
Since the case began, the LA have said
* you have not been well for long enough
* you may relapse
* Jane doe is too settled in her placement
* there’s too much conflict with dad and gran
They change it every statement.
My barrister has no children. Our judge has a soft spot for kids,
I’ve 3 years stable health under my belt
My girl constantly tells the guardian, IRO, sw and family that she wants to live with me.
Has anyone got any stories about how to go forward when every professional is saying my daughter should stay where she is. I’m thinking fight to the end, have your day in court.
I’ve read that you can still win with all of them against you and my circumstances have changed enough to merit it. It’s like the LA dude nt want me to have her and I can’t understand why.
Thanks
A hopeful mum

Dear HopingMamu

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your posts. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s adviser. I will respond to both your posts here.

I am sorry to hear that your mental health declined and that you lacked support three years ago. This resulted in care proceedings for your daughter. Children’s services placed her with her maternal grandmother under a kinship fostering arrangement with a care order in place. Your daughter has remained there since. This is particularly complicated as you and your mother have a poor relationship where you have concerns about her and her motivations for caring for your child.

You are in court applying to end the care order. You are represented by a barrister in court. You may also have a solicitor. I understand that your barrister recommended an Early Neutral Evaluation, and there is to be a hearing about this.

Unfortunately, although your daughter has said she wants to live with you and you having been working very hard to achieve this, the professionals involved oppose this. You want to know from other parents who have been in similar situations how they managed and to know whether you can win the case i.e. have your daughter successfully returned to your care.

You are also worried that your mother is not treating your daughter properly and have raised concerns with children’s services and the court (including sharing recordings with the court) that your daughter is unhappy in her grandmother’s care and which you say show that she is being abused every way except physically. I am sorry that you feel the professionals have not taken these concerns seriously leaving you still feeling worried. Social workers recommended that your mother take up additional training on caring for a teenager. This may be helpful but it does not address your concerns.

You have clearly worked very hard over the last three years to get the right help and support for your mental health needs. This is good to hear; it shows your determination to be well and your commitment to your daughter. You are trying new antidepressants at the moment and have been tearful due to the current situation which is understandable. I hope that your GP can support you with this and that you can discuss with them if you would like any additional emotional support.

It is also very positive that many aspects of your life are back on track – you are working, driving, your adult son lives with you and most significantly your daughter stays safely overnight with you twice a month and you have further family time four times a month. Well done. This shows how far you have moved forward and that spending time with you is good for your daughter.

Unfortunately, children’s services remained concerned that it is not in your daughter’s best interest to end the care order and return home to your care. Their reasons are that you have not been well for long enough/you might relapse, relationship difficulties between you and your daughter’s father and grandmother, that your daughter is settled and stable and will be transitioning to secondary school, so the timing is not right.

It would be useful to know what length of time children’s services would consider to be ‘long enough’, what they would propose as a contingency plan for possible relapse and whether they have a view about when would be the right time for your daughter to return home. Sometimes, the court will recommend that a ‘roadmap’ is drawn up to clarify how to move forward, if they do not agree a return home now.

Unfortunately, I cannot predict if you will be successful in your application, at this time. You are making and maintaining changes and focused on resuming care of your child. The court will weigh up the evidence of the changes you have made and whether it is in your daughter’s best interests now to return home.

Every child’s circumstances are different, and the court should make the best decision for every child. But parents who have successfully had their child/ren returned home to them may be able to offer you their perspective and advice based on their experience.

Your lawyer/s represent you and have the benefit of having all the court documents before them which means they are best placed to advise you. They can explain more about what to expect from the ENE process. They take instructions from you so you can let them know how you want to proceed.

One suggestion I would like to make is that you think about whether a family group conference (FGC) might be worth asking for? We have information about FGCs for families here. In your situation, your daughter has a caring mother, older brothers, her father, and her grandmother are all in her life but sadly some family relationships are fraught. However, an FGC can help bring together all the people who care about and want the best for a child to find the right plan and way forward for her. FGCs are seen by the court as good practice, and they can produce solutions when other processes have failed. An FGC can also be an effective way of showing that you have a support network in place as lack of support was a factor previously. If you are interested, please do raise with your lawyer and social worker.

You signed your post ‘a hopeful mum’; it is right to be hopeful, to explore all possibilities and maintain your progress so that you and your daughter have the best relationship you can whether she stays longer in kinship foster care or returns home to you.

If you would like to talk things through with an experienced advisor, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, 9.30am to 3.00pm, Mon to Fri (excluding bank holidays). Or post back if you prefer.

I will add links below to services that may be helpful to you for advice, information, or emotional support:

• Family Line
• Family Lives
• MATCH mothers
• Rethink
• Mind.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie