Rollmop wrote: Mon Oct 20, 2025 12:51 pm
Hello all,
My wife and I have been guardians to my wife’s grandson for the last 12 years.
We have reached a point where my wife undermines all my decisions regarding the child.
I love the child to bits but we have reached a state of lying and deciteful where my wife backs the child and not me.
My wife and I have had numerous conversations about being on the same page and if any times we don’t agree it should not be discussed in front of the child.
My wife has been receiving payments from her daughter although the daughter has never worked legally and secreted them into a private bank account that I was not aware of.
My understanding was that if the child was not fostered the cost of the upbringing was down to the biological parents.
I have personally paid for all works to our property and paid off the mortgage and paid for the upbringing of the child.
I am now in a position where I can’t remain in my own house.
I am also severely disabled and cannot afford to pay for somewhere else to live.
My understanding is that the child remains in the home until 18 yrs ?
What are my rights regarding bills for the property and maintenance for the child?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Dear Rollmop
Thank you for your post. You have posted on the parents’ discussion forum rather than the kinship carers forum but I will respond to your post here. I suggest you register on the kinship care forum so person’s with similar experiences can share with you.
My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and as stated above will respond to your post today.
I am sorry for the difficulties you are experiencing now with your wife and the child for whom you are guardians. You have not said whether you are guardians under a special guardianship order (SGO); have a child arrangement (CAO)or residence order (RO); or appointed legal guardians/testamentary guardians.
Under an SGO and CAO you would share parental responsibility for the child with your wife if you were named on the court orders. The child’s parents continue to have parental responsibility. In the case of an SGO as special guardians you can exercise your parental responsibility over and above theirs. With a CAO or RO parental responsibility if shared equally.
The issues you have described are two-fold. Firstly, the way the child is parented by your wife and you. It appears that you have different parenting styles and it might helpful if you both consider engaging with services that could offer you support in positive parenting. From what you say, it seems your wife does not understand the impact on her grandchild’s behaviour if she undermines your parenting in front of the child. She may be overcompensating for whatever happened to him previously, but she is not helping him prepare well for his teenage years and older. You may find it helpful to contact Family Lives 0808 800 2222, Family Action 0808 802 6666 or Action for children for parenting support. This is their
website
If you believe your wife’s parenting style is adversely affecting the child, you could ask for support from children’s social care in your local authority. They can offer support and could suggest parenting classes.
Secondly, there are financial issues between you and your wife. You have been responsible for making significant payments in respect of your improvements to the home. You pay all household bills and have now learned that your wife has a secret bank account. This must have been a strain on you and your wife. Perhaps it would help to have an open discussion with her about how your finances are managed.
Paying bills in the home is usually something that is decided by a couple or persons living and sharing accommodation. If your wife makes no contribution, then this would be considered by a court when deciding about how assets are shared.
It is concerning that you feel you must leave your home. It is not clear from your post why you believe this to be the case. Whilst a child can remain in the home until 18 when a court order ends, this can change as an order can be discharged. If you do not wish to be responsible for the child, any longer this is something you can consider. It seems from your post that you are seeking to know your rights regarding the home. As the marital home, you have the same rights as your wife to remain in the property. Property rights can be changed by the courts, but each party’s circumstances and needs would be carefully considered by a judge. Do you believe that you and your wife would benefit from speaking with an independent third party about your current situation. You can do so using a family mediator.
Regarding maintaining a child, the biological parent(s) remain liable and can be asked to contribute to a child’s upbringing. An application could be made to the Child Maintenance Service for the parent(s) to pay maintenance. You have stated that the child’s mother has been paying, and this is secreted by your wife.
It is not clear if it is due to your disability that you do not feel able to remain in your home. If that is the case, you could speak with adult services in your local authority social care department. If this is not the case, then you do not have to leave your home and cannot be forced to do so.
The child would be considered a child of the family by the court, and any decision would have to take account of his welfare. Your own long-term needs would also have to be considered.
I suggest you consider what outcome you wish to have and get support to achieve this between you and your wife. Once you are clear, I believe it is important that you seek legal advice from a family solicitor so that your legal position in respect of the property which may be in your sole name or joint with your wife.
Hope you find this helpful but should you wish to speak with an adviser, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays). You can also post again if you need to but please re-register on the kinship forum.
Best wishes
Suzie