Will I ever be a family again.

[Butterfly95]

Hi all, before I start my story please be kind.

My son was taken from mine and his father’s care in 2022 due to a non accidental injury (bruise to the ear) from his father grabbing him. I wasn’t there when the incident occurred but from what the father says it was a moment of madness and he regrets it’s so much.

There is no excuse for ever hurting a child and I should have left his father when my son got removed from our care.

There’s so much more to the story such as myself and the father suffering from our mental health and both of us struggling to bond with our child after he was born.

We got very little help from health visitors and we was on our own.

Again there’s no excuse.

myself and my sons father have done months and months of therapy and several courses and we are in such a better place mentally.

After having a parenting assessment the local authority want our son to stay with my sister on SGO despite saying that there’s been a significant change in both our mental health and there’s genuine remorse from the father and there’s been no concerns when we have had contact with our son.

My sister has stated If the SGO is approved that doesn’t mean that it’s forever and if in future my son wants to come home to myself and his father she will support discharging the SGO if there’s been no concerns.

For anyone that’s probably going to comment saying ‘why don’t I just leave my sons father’ the reason is even though I should of left right from the start my reason for staying is because when we was in court the judge praised me and the father for staying together and fighting to be a family and the judge praised the father aswel for owning up to what happened and for wanting to work to make things right. I even had a meeting with my social workers manager and she even said even though I should I of left the relationship it’s refreshing to see two parents sticking together to fight for their child.

My question is what’s the chances of being a family again?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Butterfly95,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ forum. My name is Suzie, an online adviser responding to you today.

It is good to read about all the positive developments that you and your partner have made with therapy and other support.

You explain that your son was removed from you and your partner’s care in 2022 following a non-accidental injury. Your partner was honest about what had happened and since the time your son was injured both of you have reflected intensively on the factors that led to this harm. You continue to work on changes that would give your son greater safety were he to return to your care in the future.

It’s probable that care proceedings occurred in 2022 and though you do not spell this out it is possible that your son has been living with your sister under a kinship foster care arrangement since then. The local authority now recommends that your son lives with your sister under a special guardianship order and either notice has been given to the local authority or an application has already been made to the court.

If a child is already looked after and a special guardianship order application is made the court must consider the local authority’s plan for the child’s future as well as the wishes and feelings of the child’s parents.

Your post suggests that you agree with the special guardianship plan for the present circumstances but want to know how your child could possibly return to your care in the future.
Family Rights Group have an advice sheet for parents of children in special guardianship here. Page 11 of the advice sheet gives detailed information about how special guardianship orders can be brought to an end. A parent would need the court’s permission to bring an application to discharge the order. The court would consider whether significant changes in circumstances had been made since the special guardianship order was made and whether there was a reasonable chance that the application to end the order could be successful.

It’s important that you retain letters, documents, certificates of attendance that clearly evidence the therapeutic work and parent education you have completed and will complete.

You ask can you ever be a family again? I think you are a family now. Your child is cared for within the extended family with your co-operation and your continued involvement in his life.

It’s vital that your son understands his care arrangements; has a sense of permanence and sees the adults around him working together to support him as he grows up. You and your sister should be clear with each other on the plan for your contact with your son and talk about all the ways each adult can support him to understand your continuing role and connection as his parents and that coexists with your support of the placement in the care of his aunt. The local authority special guardianship social work support team have a role in supporting a child, special guardians and parents beyond the making of the special guardianship order and you can also read more about this in the advice sheet above.

I wish you really well for the future.

There are many ways to contact Family Rights Group if you seek further advice and information.

• A free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366
• Easy-to-follow online information. Features include an A-Z, FAQs, films, ‘top tips’ and legal advice sheets;
• A webchat service where you can message an adviser online, who will help you find information and advice to support you.
• A web enquiry form – to help you submit an email and receive a reply within five working days.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[Butterfly95]

Thank you for your reply.

Me and my partner are definitely going to be doing everything we can to evidence we deserve to have our son back with us in the future.

We are never going to give up.

Although I am frustrated at the moment because I feel that our parenting assessment was not done fairly and my reason for thinking that is because at a recent LAC review meeting a comment was made that the local authority was always going to decide on applying for a SGO because that was what that wanted through court proceedings but the judge decided that she wanted to give myself and my partner a chance to complete therapy and recommended courses to have the chance to have our son back. So I do strongly believe that all the work that myself and my partner has done hasn’t been judged fairly by the local authority because they wanted to have the SGO in the first place.

I will be speaking with my solicitor about this but could you give me any advice.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Butterfly95

Thanks for your further post. It is good to hear that you and your partner are determined to continue to work hard and make changes so that you can seek your son’s return home in the future.

You are querying whether the parenting assessment that you and your partner had was done fairly. You are concerned that it may not have been as you believe that children’s services were planning for a Special Guardianship Order. They must consider placing a looked after child with a family member or friend if they are assessed as suitable to care for the child, if the court decides that the child’s parents cannot. I am unsure if your parenting assessment was carried out as part of the care proceedings or subsequently. If it was part of the court proceedings, then the decisions made in court will not be reviewed. If afterwards, you can consider challenging or making a complaint but you would have to show how it was unfair.

You are planning to discuss your concern with your solicitor. That is a good idea.

If you do not wish to support the making of an SGO to your sister, then you should get specific legal advice from your solicitor on this point.

Please see my earlier response where I provided detailed advice about how you are still a family, as your son is placed with his auntie and how you and she can work together to support your son. The advice sheet on special guardianship for parents provides a summary of what a SGO means for them and what parents can do in the future if there are any issues or significant changes. I hope that will be helpful to you.

As mentioned previously, you can also seek support from the Special Guardianship Support team if you need to, you should have a written copy of their assessment of your support needs.

If you have any further queries in relation to children’s services, please post back or use one of the alternative advice options linked to previously.

With best wishes

Suzie