Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Hi,
Around 2 years ago me and my now ex partner had come violent towards each other after drinking. Police were called on a few occasions, children placed on the child protection register. Me and my ex then split up. He went to jail and there was a restraing order put into place. A year later me and my ex got back no social services were involved. The relationship was going great between me him and my children (he isn't the father)
In January this year social services had a phone call stating me and him are back in a relationship they came to my house removed my children under a section 47. They were placed with my dad I didn't agree to this I was told this is what had to happen. 5 weeks later, the children come home socially allowed them nothing put in place, etc. It's now may, and we have had 3 social workers come to the home, Evan, tho their on the cpr!
I have been asked what my intentions are with my ex partner and if I am going to resume the relationship. I want to but am scared of them taking my children. I know there has been a history of dv, but after that, we rekindled, and nothing happened, but they said it was due to the restraning order.
I told my social worker today I don't know what the relationship will be like as he's now in jail for breach of his condition.
She basically told me that if we were to get back together they would be a concern and they would possibly seek legal advice. What does this mean? Can't we both agree to work with them to prove we want to be in a relationship and the children will be look after with out any further dv.
They are stating I have been untruthful to them in the past. Where does this leave us as a family.
Thank you

By being in a relationship with a controlling/violent man your putting your children at risk. They don't change . Their behaviour passes onto the kids. By seeing , hearing or receiving it. It's well documented. You need to think of your children first. By staying with this man who's even been in jail your teaching your children to accept violent behaviour and it is ok to behave in that way, especially to women. This is why social services are doing this. Get rid before your children are taken. Show them how much you love them and support them and just get rid. You don't need him. They need you

Dear Rppdr213

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser at Family Rights Group and will be replying to you today.

You were in a domestically abusive relationship with your partner. He went to prison for the harm he caused you. Children’s services were involved but following your undertaking to end the relationship and your partner going to prison, they closed their file with no further action.

Your partner was released on licence and a restraining order was put in place when he returned to the community. Sometime after his release, you resumed your relationship and things were going well.

You did not inform children’s services of your partner’s return to family life. In January 25, they became aware of this. They were concerned and moved your children to your father’s home as a temporary safeguarding measure. You say you did not agree with this and it is unclear whether you signed a Section 20 voluntary arrangement

Your partner was recalled to prison for breaching the restraining order and therefore his licencing agreement. Children’s services asked what your intentions are and whether you plan to resume your relationship on your partner’s release. You do want too but are worried about children’s services removing your children if you do.

The social worker is concerned that you have not been honest and transparent with them. They have informed you that should you resume the relationship they are likely to seek legal advice (presumably to find out whether there are grounds to remove the children under an Interim Care Order). You want to know the possible implications of them seeking legal advice and how this may impact on your family life.

Concern that a child is experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse is a very common reason why children’s services become involved with families. Research shows that children can suffer long-term. And the legal definition of significant harm specifically includes a child hearing or seeing someone else being harmed (see section 31(9) of the Children Act 1989).

I have added a link HERE to our domestic abuse guidance for mothers. This sets out why children’s services are concerned when domestic abuse is a feature in their family home, what might happen if they continue to be exposed to it and what support and services are available to women who are experiencing domestic abuse.

Whilst I understand your reluctance to inform children’s services of your wish to resume the relationship with your partner when he is released from prison. However, I would urge you to be open and transparent with them and if possible to work with them to reduce risk. If you are not open and transparent and at a later date, they are made aware of your situation, this is very likely to raise their concerns about your ability to protect and prioritise your children’s needs above all others.

Sometimes, after assessments have been completed, your child’s social worker may say that your partner should leave the home. They may say they should have no further contact with your child. If you do not agree with this you could:

 Try discussing this with a domestic abuse support worker
 Ask for the social worker to refer you to a domestic abuse agency. Or contact a domestic abuse agency yourself.

After discussing your situation with a domestic abuse professional, you may change your mind about what is in the best interests of your children.

If you still do not agree, ask the social worker to be clear with you about what will happen if you do not do what is being asked. They may tell you that under these circumstances, children’s services may start a pre-proceedings process. This is the process where children’s services consider whether to start care proceedings. If they decide to do this, children’s services must send you a letter before proceedings. This likely to be what the social worker was referring to when she said there is a possibility that she will seek legal advice.

I have added HERE a link to care and related proceedings. This sets out the process they should follow if threshold for care proceedings is met. The threshold criteria are facts that must be proved during care proceedings before a court can consider making either a care order or a supervision order. In other words, children’s services must prove to the court that a ‘threshold’ has been met.

If your situation does proceed to care proceedings, I think it would be a good idea to contact us again, if you have specific questions about the process.

I have added HERE a link to Women’s Aid, they are a domestic abuse charity who support women who have experienced domestic violence.

I have further added HERE a link to RESPECT. This is a domestic abuse charity for perpetrators of domestic abuse. They provided training and courses for perpetrators in an attempt to change their behaviours. I would encourage your partner to check out their website for further support and guidance if he has not done so already.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie