Husband blackmail me I am scared

[SAA123]

Hi i really need some advice i am so scared. I call police on my husband because he was threatening us to kill us then police come remove us then took my husband to custody for a month social services was involved because my husband hit aware daughter and he was very abused to me. When my husband was in prison he was calling me for prison telling me he made a mistake things like that. Then he came home on Friday night from prison but he's wasn't loud to come to the house i didn't know that social worker was going to tell him that when he was in prison but he was released be that. Then he begged me for giveness and less start everything new and he told me social services going to leave this case once we work this together tell everything to each other then social services going to close the case so i believe him. Social worker put child protection then social services moved me and my kids during the time to the refuge my husband told me to give the address so i did thinking he really did charge and want to start everything new so me and my husband was talking on the phone he come saw us things like that we both worked with the social worker then we were loud to come home with the husband and case is closed Now me and my husband having problems we still Arguing and fight things like that he doesn't help with the kids or the bills i want to leave him I told him to leave the house I did call the police on him but he's not going to leave the house and the house is in my name now he is blackmail me say if I leave him or try to take the kids from him or tell the immigration he's going to show the pictures and that I sent him from refuge and that he saw as I don't now what to do I am so scared to loose my kids I made a mistake by believing him he is so selfish now he's immigration brother leaving in my private rental property in my name i didn't want he's brother in the house i have 2 bedroom house i have 2 kids one 8 year old daughter one 4 year old son my husband told me he's brother going stay for a month or 2 now its been more then 3 months not leaving he is using my address me and my husband have argues about that and he told me u can't do anything about it or tell anyone so I went and check he's brother visa documents has my address on it and he came to this country in spouse visa but keeps telling everyone he come on work permit visa i didnt even no about that both brothers work full time dont pay for anything i have to pay for everything. I am so scared to loose my kids he keeping mocking me saying you can't do anything about it. Can anyone help me what to do please.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear SAA123

Welcome to Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser and I will be responding to you post.

I am sorry that you are so worried and distressed about your current situation having decided to give your husband another chance so he could return to the family home. In your post you said that this was after working with social workers, was there any agreement that you would inform children’s services or the police if there were any further problems? If there was, then it is important that you do this, if not, then you need to inform the police of your husband’s threat to disclose photographs of you as a way of controlling what you do. Also, contact the social worker to explain what is happening now with your husband so they can intervene.

You are expected to be protective of your children and if they are in an abusive environment and you do not get the help you need, children’s services may be concerned about your ability to protect your children and yourself. I understand that you are worried about your children being removed from your care. Children’s services role is not to remove children but to help them stay in their family safely. It was agreed that your husband could return to the family home as there was an expectation from children’s services that the home environment would be safe. Your husband from what you say in your post, has failed to keep to the promises he made to you and probably to children’s services as well. It is important that you show you understand the concerns children's services had in the past and now regarding your children's well being.

Your husband’s behaviour towards you appears to be controlling and coercive which is domestic abuse. You can report this to the police. Here is a link to our website to information explaining domestic abuse.

You may find it helpful to read this information from the frequently asked questions for mothers on our website relating to domestic abuse

I think you would benefit from having support from a domestic abuse service, here are telephone numbers Hestia
0207 378 3100, Women’s Aid 0808 200 0247 that you can contact.

Although you have had previous involvement with children’s services, I think it would be useful for you to read information about what happens when children’s services receive a referral. HERE is the link to our website.

It would be better for you to contact children’s services to ask for help in your current circumstances rather than have a referral made by, for example, the school because your child mentions something at school about what is happening at home. If you believe it would help you can speak with the school yourself as they can offer support themselves or refer the matter to children’s services.

I hope this information is helpful. You can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366 to speak with one of our experienced advisers. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

Best wishes

Suzie