Need advice

[bloodmooneclipse]

Hi, I require urgent advice I apologise for the long post.

I was married to my ex through an arranged marriage. I was married abroad I moved in with my ex who along with his mother started to control my movements.
I was not allowed to visit my parents and relatives.

When my parents decided to return to the UK my parents asked if I wanted to return with them, this was a window to escape I returned to the UK with my parents.

My ex was not happy and broke of all communication with me despite me being pregnant.

My ex did not stay in contact and burnt the documents that would allow him to apply for a spousal visa to come settle in the UK.

After the birth of my child the brothers of my ex would visit me they got their brother to reconcile with me as he has been arrested for selling high quality class A drugs.

My ex promised me once he arrived to the UK he would change his ways.

Unfortunately when he arrived to the UK he remained the same he would leave me at home and work at his brother's business being paid cash in hand.

My ex also started bringing drugs home, which I was not happy about.

Unfortunately during one conversation I tried explaing to my ex if he was ever arrested with drugs it would affect his spousal visa I also reminded him about his promise to change for the sake of our child.

My ex went into a rage and assaulted me which resulted in a miscarriage.

I spoke with my ex's family who told me it's normal in their family for women to get assaulted it's something I'll get used to.

I tried to maintain my relationship for the sake of my child and I was expecting another baby some time after the miscarriage.

I do not wish to add the exact date but sometime in September whilst at work my ex followed one of my cousin's home and entered her home without consent followed her inside.

Inside the home my ex made sexualised comments to my cousin then tried to block her way out from the home luckily for her she was able to get out.

She called her parents to inform them of what happened, the call was overhead by my cousin's brothers who decided to visit my ex at work to ask why he followed their sister home.

Whilst speaking to my ex he found the matter funny and made some derogatory comments which enraged my cousin's brothers who assaulted my ex breaking his nose and causing injury to his eye.

After my ex was assaulted he called me twice to inform that he had been assaulted by clmy cousin's brothers despite asking him why would they beat him up what had he done, my ex denied knowing why they assaulted him.

On the second call my ex tells me to take him to the hospital and lie on his behalf that he fell which caused the injuries.

I asked my ex to come home first then he would be taken to hospital my ex insisted I am not to tell anyone unless the family who assaulted him inform my family.

When my ex arrived home he was taken to hospital by my brother due to COVID restrictions my brother was not allowed inside.

When my ex was asked how he received the injuries he told the hospital staff he fell from a bike.

Whilst my ex was at hospital my cousin's family came to my parents home to inform them what my ex had done and they apologised for the assault which took place.

It was decided to resolve the dispute between my ex's family and my cousin's family amicably without anymore violence.

A family meeting was arranged for mediation the next day, my ex's brothers and sister were present, I was present with my parents and my cousin was also present with her mother and brother.

This meeting was recorded my ex admits to making sexualised comments and apologises saying it will not happen again, the brothers of my ex also apologised say their brother got what he deserved he made a mistake he should have not gone there.

Earlier in the meeting the brothers of my ex had asked what other bad habits does my ex have we presented the drugs my ex used to bring home.

My ex tried to divert blame on me but his brothers knew right away they were my ex's drugs, my ex was lectured and told he has the same habits here he had there (referring to selling drugs abroad)

my ex was forced to leave and live with his brother's.

They wanted to keep my ex for two months to instill good behaviour and change his dodgy ways.

During this time period my ex was in touch with me and my family and I asked for time to let things settle down before allowing my ex to return.

Unfortunately over the next few months my ex would show up unannounced and be abusive and violent towards me threatening me.

I was heavily pregnant, my child suffered an accident at home for which he received prompt treatment.

I did not inform my ex as I knew he would just make an issue out of nothing.

My ex showed up unannounced and was sat with my father who informed my ex that the child had suffered from an accident at home the ambulance was called the child was rushed to hospital and received treatment.

My ex lost his temper started shouted and swearing before kicking doors and banging them making his way into the room I was sat in with my child.

My ex grabbed the child which frightened him my ex started swearing at me and abusing me.

One of my siblings heard the commotion and were able to record the incident, I asked my ex where is he taking the child as he was making his way towards the front door my ex yells at me shut up don't show me your ugly face this was heard by my other siblings who walked out from their rooms.

When my ex noticed my siblings he placed the child down.

I started getting excruciating pain I thought I had another miscarriage.

Despite my family trying to calm my ex down he became more aggressive and abusive, my mother decided to call my ex's brother who was sat in his car outside to ask him to come inside and intervene.

My mother told my ex's brother that the child had suffered an accident at home for which he received treatment.

This call was recorded during the call my ex threatens his own brother asking his brother to end the call he will sort us out his way.

Whilst my mother was talking my ex continued speaking over her which frightened my child I can be heard in the background asking my ex to calm down and it would be good if he doesn't shout at me in front of the child.

Whilst my mother was talking with my ex's brother my ex grabbed the phone from my mother and ended the call.

My ex then started abusing me making threats telling me I don't know what he can do.

My brother mentioned calling the police which is when my ex fled the property.

I had decided after my ex left that for the sake of my child and the one on the way I need to end the marriage.

I had instructed a relative if my ex would like to spend time with the child I had no objections to this happening at my relatives home.

My relative did inform my ex who agreed to the contact taking place at my relatives home. Despite agreeing to contact my ex never came down this call was recorded.

My ex wanted his driving license and UK permit card asking my relative to retrieve them for him.

I told my relative that I had binned the documents out of frustration, my relative informed my ex this call was recorded despite knowing I had binned the documents my ex called the police telling them I had stolen his documents.

The police took no action.
I had decided to apply for my divorce after the birth of my second child as I did not want any stress.

When I filed for divorce my ex was staying with his brothers he never acknowledged receiving the papers when they were delivered to both his brothers houses.

I had to pay for a process server to have the papers served who was successful.

It was then my ex knew he was going to struggle with renewing his spousal visa so decided to request contact with the children despite not taking up contact as agreed.

I had obtained a non molestation order to prevent my ex from coming down, before the non molestation order was obtained there were 5-6 months where my ex was not restricted from coming down to my relatives home to spend time with the child he had a relationship with.

Due to the false allegations made by my ex to the social services and the police I did not respond to the letter received from his solicitor.

It was then my ex made an application to the courts making false allegations of being assaulted by me and my brother.

Falsely alleging he was not allowed to work and kept as a slave, despite working full time.

My solicitor at the time has said the evidence was enough to prove that my child had witnessed domestic violence and all his allegations are false which would be enough to prevent contact from taking place.

Things were going smoothly at court until my solicitor left the form to take up another job, my file was left dormant when the court asked my solicitors who would be representing me at the finding of fact hearing I instructed my that my previous barrister represent me.

My solicitor told me as they were not aware about the court date they were unable to instruct my preferred barrister I was put in a situation where I had to agree to the barrister suggested by the firm or represent myself.

I had reservations which were addressed by my solicitor saying the barristeris good and experienced.

Unfortunately at court the barrister told me she knows the counsel of my ex and it would be best if I just allow the counsel between themselves to sort issues out as it would not be good if I did not agree to what the counsel suggested after speaking to the counsel of my ex.

I was told if I didn't agree the judge would take away my children.

Over the next few days of the hearing I was provided incorrect advice and forced into agreeing to send pictures to my ex.

The court made a finding based on probabilities that my ex had assaulted me.

The court also made a finding that based on probabilities my ex was assaulted by me and my brother.

None of my evidence was presented and neither was my ex cross examined.

This was very concerned so I raised my concerns with my solicitors about the counsel not presenting my evidence to the court, rather than helping me by writing to the courts that evidence was not presented which would have proven beyond doubt every single allegation made by my ex is a lie they told me if I'm not happy then I should find new solicitors I asked that they write to the court which they declined and asked me to find new solicitors.

During this period I developed sever stomach pain which made it difficult for me to get out and instruct new solicitors.

Whilst I was looking for new solicitors I received my evidence from my previous solicitors which they had amended to include a statement of truth.

The evidence was not looked at or considered by the court due to no statement of truth.

I did find solicitors who said they would take up the case then would tell me they are at full capacity I found a firm who agreed to take on my case when I asked that I would like to appeal I was quoted £30000.00 costs being told my legal aid certificate wouldn't cover an appeal.

I was left without a solicitor and was in court with no representation despite informing the judge I can't give any answers without counsel I don't know the law.

I told the judge I had wrote to her when I was told to find new solicitors that I would like permission to appeal the letter was delivered by royal mail recorded delivery.

The judge said if I had wrote to her it would be in from of her so I haven't wrote to her.

Despite telling the judge I have no counsel the hearing proceeded where cafcass were instructed to prepare a section 7 report my ex had lied to the court that I was leaving the country and not going to return to the UK.

The judge granted a prohibited steps order despite telling the judge I'm booked in for gallbladder surgery it would be impossible to go abroad I had no intention of going abroad.

When cafcass was involved I was being vague when asked if I would be leaving the country I was being vague as I did not want my ex to know I'm home alone whilst my family is out of the country.

I would have no one to protect me should my ex show up.

I told cafcass I need counsel before I can give answers it's my human right under article 6.

At the next hearing I was accused of being obstructive and not complying with cafcass and the court. I asked the judge for consent again if I could play a recording or present them evidence which would prove that on said date my ex was abusing me and threating me in the presence of my extended family.

The judge denied consent and asked that the local authority be involved based on no evidence just at the suggestion of my ex's counsel.

I asked the judge what about mt evidence I was told the social worker would gather the evidence and present it in her report.

I had no counsel and had no idea what to say or what to do.

The local authority prepared the report due to th way the system had failed me I decided to record all my sessions and phone calls with the social worker incase anything goes wrong.

At the first session the mother of my cousin informed the social worker that her children had assaulted my ex he has falsely accused my family.

My cousin informed the social worker that my ex had made sexualised comments to her daughter.

The social worker did not add this into her section 37 report.

The social worker found no welfare or safeguarding concerns but added fabrications to her report about me consenting to my ex's sister supervising contact which I later retracted which is concerning for the social worker.

When I received a copy I emailed the social worker and asked that she not submit the report until the inaccuracies are removed despite this the report was submitted.

I managed to find a solicitor to take my case on who at the beginning was of the opinion that the evidence proves that my ex has lied to the courts.

What she can do is write to the court present the evidence and ask the decision be set aside but I needed to attend the court date.

I attended court I was again provided incorrect advice that if I did not agree to contact whatever the judge decides will be the final decision which includes the possibility of losing my children.

I was told to agree to contact then ask my solicitor to appeal against the decision I was reassured this would allow me to appeal.

I agreed to video calls proceeded by supervised contact.

I told my solicitor I wanted to file an appeal and was told I shouldn't have signed the order filing an appeal would take time there are 3600 pages of paper work I was told the total amount I'd have to pay is £30000.00

I am unable to afford that type of money so decided to follow the order I had agreed to.

My children became very distressed who started crying and ending the call. I was advised by my solicitor to keep documenting the calls and any contact that takes place.

This affected my children's behaviour as the social worker was on leave a different social worker attended who I informed of my concerns, she told me I can reassure you that under no circumstances will your children be removed from your care whoever has told you that is nonsense.

I was told not to make a complaint about the social worker as she is passionate I should wait for her to return and present my evidence which could be added to the addendum report.

Unfortunately the social worker did come down and promised to make note of the evidence in her report.

She did not do this and added more fabrication's to her report saying I have been obstructive and saying why would I record my children in distress I was advised by my solicitor to record video evidence if possible.

I have lost trust in the system that is supposed to protect genuine victims of domestic violence I am aware that unfortunately some women and men make false accusations against each other about being victims of domestic violence.

I have evidence that proves beyond doubt that my ex was allowed to work, was in full time employment was receiving cash in hand.

My ex has never been homeless, never been a victim of domestic violence, was never ever prevented from spending time with the only child at that time.

I have police disclosure of my cousin's report to the police a kut my ex following her home and making sexualised comments to her trying to get close to her before she managed to escape.

I have CCTV footage and audio recordings which prove the allegations of being assaulted by me are false and fabricated.

The court has never looked at my evidence I feel very low on mood and depressed.

In the most recent hearing the local authority have asked that the order is amended to serve a letter of expectation from the parents.

If I am still obstructive which I haven't been then an s47 should be requested.

The local authority have also suggested the appointment of a children's guardian despite there being no welfare or safeguarding concerns.

My ex used the domestic violence finding based on probabilities to apply for indefinite leave has managed to obtain rented accommodation due to falsely declaring he was homeless and sleeping on the streets.

My ex is also now receiving legal aid and universal credit lying about having depression.

My ex has also applied for indefinite leave to remain (domestic violence and abuse)

Despite never being a victim of domestic violence.

Please could someone advice urgently and recommend a solicitor every solicitor I have instructed end up demanding £30000.00 to raise my concerns and bring my evidence to the attention of the courts.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Bloodmooneclipse

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your comprehensive post. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be responding to you today.

We do not provide advice during court proceedings therefore we are unable to assist with an appeal. I have added a link HERE to the Law Society. They have a facility to find a solicitor in your local area. I have further added a link HERE to information and guidance regarding appeals from the government website. You are not likely to get legal aid for an appeal. There is an organisation called We Are Advocate who provide free legal assistance from volunteer barristers. They do have a criteria to meet and there is a process to the support they provide. I have added a link HERE to their website for further information and advice. There are two other organisations that may also be able to provide further information and advice: Royal Courts of Advice– RCJ and Law Works .

I am sorry to hear of your miscarriage. It must have been a difficult and stressful time for you. I have added a link HERE to NHS support.

It is positive that you obtained a non molestation order in an attempt to protect yourself. I have added links HERE and HERE to two organisations that offer support to women who have or are experiencing domestic abuse. The first is to Woman’s aid. This is a charity that offers support and help to women who have experienced domestic abuse from a partner. The second, is to Rights of Women. They offer legal based support to women who have experienced domestic abuse.

In respect to your concerns about the conduct of your barrister and how you feel let down by them. I would suggest you go back to their Chambers to raise a complaint. They will have a complaints policy and procedure to follow. If you are not happy with their response, you usually need to complain to the Legal Ombudsman within six months. You can find more information about complaining about your barrister by going to the Legal Ombudsman website. Please see the link for further information and advice.

The same applies to children’s services. Should you wish to make a complaint about the service they are providing then in the first instance you would need to contact them, via their complaints procedures to make a formal complaint. I have added a link HERE to our complaints information page. This sets out who can make a complaint, how to make a complaint and what you can do should you wish to take the matter further to your local ombudsman.

In respect of harassment and other matters relating to criminal activity. These are police matters and should be directed to them. If you feel in immediate danger, then I would advice you to call 999. If it is not an immediate danger, then you may contact 101 for advice and support.

Citizen’s Advice (CAB) have some useful information regarding harassment. I have added a link HERE to their webpage.

You say that children’s services have stated they may consider a Section 47 enquiry if they feel you are obstructing. This is a child protection assessment and I have added a link HERE to further information and guidance regarding this process. I understand you have lost faith in the authorities, but I would advise you to work with them if possible. I have added some information HERE to our working with social workers guidance. It provides ‘top tips’ when working with them and what you may wish to consider if you are not satisfied with the service they are providing.

I hope this information has been helpful to you. If you have any queries about children’s services please post again or contact the advice service via our:

• Freephone advice helpline, open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm
(excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366.
• Web chat, or
• Advice enquiry form.

Best wishes, Suzie