Social services say they have no concerns

[Ffmj123]

Hello looking for advice on how to get social services to take my concern’s seriously.


I have real concerns and social services are treating them as if I’m just a parent trying to get the other parent out of the picture!
My son is emotionally, mentally abused every time he stays at his dads house.

In the past he would physically abuse him. My sons dad has said he has put a stop to that but my son informed me he got smacked around the back of the head the other weekend by his dad. Last week my son raised some serious concerns and opened up to me and told me about some sexual abuse his dad puts him through and forces him to watch very inappropriate videos of sexual things.

I have reported all my concerns to social services and each time they have shut it down and not even investigated. We have a court order in place due to his dad in the past not bringing him home on time and threatening to keep him away from me and to get full custody!

I have been assaulted twice by his dad in front of our son and he is currently on bail and I’m awaiting to go to court to be a witness as he plead not guilty. For the past 2 years I’ve sent numerous emails and had numerous phone calls to cafcass and social services about absolutely everything his dad has done to me and our son.

I have so much evidence like voice notes, text messages of his abusive ways and his threats and cafcass/social services refuse to look or listen to them and now our son saying all this about when he goes his dads house.

So I reported all this again last Thursday to social services and the police and by Thursday afternoon at 2.40pm social services went in for 15 minutes to talk to my son who is 5 years old with the head master present and asked about these allegations and the questions he asked were a joke! And because our son didn’t want to talk about it to a complete stranger and said to me after school it was very rude to say in front of his head master and teachers. Social services informed me that they are not concerned and are happy for our son to go back to his dads even after the sexual allegations I have reported and have refused to speak to me about it even after sending an email to them on Monday saying I want to have a discussion about it again and come up with a solution before he goes back and they are ignoring my emails, phone calls and not returning any of them.

I have said I will put a formal complaint if they refuse to talk to me which they have! Now I need to start the complaint but this doesn’t stop our son going to his dads nor will it keep our son safe and I can’t afford an emergency order and I have asked a solicitor what I can do and they have said only court will prevent him going back and if I don’t send him to his dads I’m breaking the order and that could end up with me being held with contempt with the court and a fine/record etc .

I’m so upset how social services have gone about all this after so many concerns raised to them and the criminal record his dad has and his dad has also been diagnosed with a disorder that has sociopath tendencies that he refuses to acknowledge or get help for! I physically have to send my son back to his dads and it makes me so upset knowing I’m putting him into some sort of danger and I hate myself for it but I’m Stuck and not getting anywhere at all with anything. I can’t believe police won’t investigate unless social services tell them to.

Any advice or any one been in the same experience and can tell me what I can do to help the situation?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Ffmj123

Welcome to Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. In your post you express your frustration that children’s services are not taking seriously the concerns of abuse in respect of your son during contact with his father.

You do not believe that children’s services fully investigate when you make a referral, and you now wish to make a complaint. There is information HERE here from our website about making a complaint.

Regarding your assertion that the police will not investigate unless children’s services tell them to is not, I believe, correct. The police and children’s services are concerned with different things. The police investigates where a crime has been committed and children’s services are concerned with safeguarding matters for children to ensure they are living in a safe environment. Where the police attends at someone's home or a child's school with the police is normally if there is concern a child or children need to be removed immediately. Only the police can remove a child if there are urgent reasons that make it necessary. Children's services would need agreement or a court order to remove a child.

It appears that children’s services followed up on your referral as you explained a social worker went to speak with your son at school. It maybe it was thought he would feel comfortable and supported with his headteacher and his class teacher rather than just the social worker who was unknown to him. Unfortunately, your son made no disclosure to the social worker, his teacher or headteacher. I understand the reason you say he did not. However, if the allegations are coming only from you and your son has not told his teacher or anyone else, children’s services may be concerned about what is going on at home and may decide to investigate whether any other emotional harm is being caused to your son. They may be worried about whether he is being questioned a lot by you or his father if these issues continue to be raised. This could be seen as emotional harm which would be a considered a safeguarding issue.

A criminal record will not necessarily prevent a parent having contact as it depends on the offences. If there are offences against a child or extremely violent then this is something that would be taken into account. As you have been in previous court proceedings these are matters that may already have been considered by the court. If not, then you can inform the court of all concerns relating to contact, should you decide to make an application to change the current contact arrangements.

You of course want to ensure that your son is having safe contact with his father and, as such, if you believe he is being harmed, you should take the matter to court and ask for contact to stop until a proper investigation is carried out. I suggest you bear in mind that the issue of whether you are attempting to prevent contact may be something the court also considers. The important thing is that your son is properly safeguarded and as there is an order in place it is only the court that can change the contact arrangements if you and father cannot agree.

If you do not have a solicitor, you can get advice from Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480. There is also information and guides on this WEBSITE if you are representing yourself.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/what/complaints/

[Ffmj123]

I have informed social services about the parental alienation that his dad puts him through and how his dad will say anything to paint me as a bad parent even though it’s the opposite way round and his dad does question him a lot and also manipulates him and tells him to keep secrets from me.

I will only ever question him if he opens up to me and he tells me things that sound inappropriate and like abuse so he opens up more.

I never put anything into his head or ask leading questions. Then I report all my concerns that my son has raised to me to social services.

Yes the allegations only have come from me because my son knows he can trust me with anything and knows my house is a safe place for him that’s why when he does act out and gets angry my son will happily spit,punch me and say the things he has heard his dad say about mr because he knows he won’t get hit or screamed at when he’s at my house.

My son has told me on numerous occasions he’s scared of his dad. I have a voice recording of my son detailing the abuse in a general Conversation.

will social services and police listen to this and take it serious? And try to speak to my son again in a nicer environment such as home as he knows he can say anything in this house without judgement.

[KatKat10]

Ffmj123 - can you edit your original post and space it out a bit, as it is hard to read and respond to. Just makes it easier to read if paragraphs are spaced out.

[Ffmj123]

Hello looking for advice on how to get social services to take my concern’s seriously.

I have real concerns and social services are treating them as if I’m just a parent trying to get the other parent out of the picture!
My son is emotionally, mentally abused every time he stays at his dads house.

In the past he would physically abuse him. My sons dad has said he has put a stop to that but my son informed me he got smacked around the back of the head the other weekend by his dad.

Last week my son raised some serious concerns and opened up to me and told me about some sexual abuse his dad puts him through and forces him to watch very inappropriate videos of sexual things. I have reported all my concerns to social services and each time they have shut it down and not even investigated.

We have a court order in place due to his dad in the past not bringing him home on time and threatening to keep him away from me and to get full custody!

I have been assaulted twice by his dad in front of our son and he is currently on bail and I’m awaiting to go to court to be a witness as he plead not guilty. For the past 2 years I’ve sent numerous emails and had numerous phone calls to cafcass and social services about absolutely everything his dad has done to me and our son.

I have so much evidence like voice notes, text messages of his abusive ways and his threats and cafcass/social services refuse to look or listen to them and now our son saying all this about when he goes his dads house.

So I reported all this again last Thursday to social services and the police and by Thursday afternoon at 2.40pm social services went in for 15 minutes to talk to my son who is 5 years old with the head master present and asked about these allegations and the questions he asked were a joke! And because our son didn’t want to talk about it to a complete stranger and said to me after school it was very rude to say in front of his head master and teachers.

Social services informed me that they are not concerned and are happy for our son to go back to his dads even after the sexual allegations I have reported and have refused to speak to me about it even after sending an email to them on Monday saying I want to have a discussion about it again and come up with a solution before he goes back and they are ignoring my emails, phone calls and not returning any of them.

I have said I will put a formal complaint if they refuse to talk to me which they have! Now I need to start the complaint but this doesn’t stop our son going to his dads nor will it keep our son safe and I can’t afford an emergency order and I have asked a solicitor what I can do and they have said only court will prevent him going back and if I don’t send him to his dads I’m breaking the order and that could end up with me being held with contempt with the court and a fine/record etc .

I’m so upset how social services have gone about all this after so many concerns raised to them and the criminal record his dad has and his dad has also been diagnosed with a disorder that has sociopath tendencies that he refuses to acknowledge or get help for! I physically have to send my son back to his dads and it makes me so upset knowing I’m putting him into some sort of danger and I hate myself for it but I’m Stuck and not getting anywhere at all with anything.

I can’t believe police won’t investigate unless social services tell them to. Any advice or any one been in the same experience and can tell me what I can do to help the situation?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Ffmj,

Thank you for your further post.

In your previous post you said that you wish to make a complaint as you feel that children’s services are not taking your concerns seriously. I would suggest that this would be the best way to escalate your concerns. You can ask the social worker or their manager to listen to the voice note; if they say that they do not feel that this is necessary or appropriate then you can challenge this in the complaint. You can also ask them to meet with your son in a different environment rather than at school; again if they refuse to do so then you should ask for their reasons in writing and you can then challenge via a formal complaint if necessary. Please remember though that it is often the case that the social worker feels it is better to meet with a child outside of the home (eg at school or a children’s centre) as these are neutral environments and there is no concern that a child is influenced by the presence of one of their parents. Please see my previous post for links to our website for more information and advice about making formal complaints.

I cannot comment on whether the police will listen to the voicenote as we only give advice about children’s services involvement. I would suggest that you contact the police and ask them if they would be willing to listen to it; and again if you are unhappy with their response you could consider making a formal complaint.

As I explained in my previous post it is only the court who can change the contact arrangements set out within the court order. For this reason you may need to return to court urgently explaining your safeguarding concerns and suggesting that contact be stopped/altered so that your son can be safeguarded until further investigation is completed. Child Law Advice can offer further advice (on 0300 330 5480) and Advice Now have helpful guides available on their website. Rights of Women also have useful guides on their website and an adviceline on 0207 251 6577.

I hope that this is of some help,

Best wishes,
Suzie

I have informed social services about the parental alienation that his dad puts him through and how his dad will say anything to paint me as a bad parent even though it’s the opposite way round and his dad does question him a lot and also manipulates him and tells him to keep secrets from me.

I will only ever question him if he opens up to me and he tells me things that sound inappropriate and like abuse so he opens up more.

I never put anything into his head or ask leading questions. Then I report all my concerns that my son has raised to me to social services.

Yes the allegations only have come from me because my son knows he can trust me with anything and knows my house is a safe place for him that’s why when he does act out and gets angry my son will happily spit,punch me and say the things he has heard his dad say about mr because he knows he won’t get hit or screamed at when he’s at my house.

My son has told me on numerous occasions he’s scared of his dad. I have a voice recording of my son detailing the abuse in a general Conversation.

will social services and police listen to this and take it serious? And try to speak to my son again in a nicer environment such as home as he knows he can say anything in this house without judgement.