My second daughter may be going up for adoption. I don’t want that. Please help.

[Sweetloveisgone]

Hi, this will be long.

When I had when I had my first baby, I had postnatal psychosis the bond wasn’t there and I struggled to parent her I lost her three months old and she returned to me at 11 months old. I failed three parenting assessments with her due to the fact that I didn’t love her as much as I try to love her at the time the local Authority did everything they could to keep her with me and keep us together unfortunately it didn’t work out. She was returned to Foster care February 2021 in July 2021 I became pregnant despite taking the morning after pill, when my Pregnancy was at 32 weeks I was told that they wanted to remove her at birth but I have been dealing with fighting this for over a year now. I went to a Parent and child assessment unit in London to which I was sexually harassed and assaulted by two other residents I was also consistently put down by the staff at the unit and my morale was put down a lot. I failed the assessment and I was sent to a mum and baby foster placement with the person I had already been with from August until November we were not being assessed I was not receiving mental health help despite the fact I was begging for it pretty much daily and improving every report I’ve had since giving birth to my first child has overall being negative but they are progressively getting more positive whilst I was alone at the Mum and baby foster placement I was making progress.
I went to a respite placement for a week and it caused my abandonment issues to kick in As well as my PTSD from losing my first child when we got back from the foster placement my daughter fell off the bed she was ultimately fine it was a complete accident what happened but after she fell off the bed I was told I was not allowed to be left alone with her despite it being proven by everyone that was there that it was an accident. That happened on the Wednesday on the Thursday my mental health started to go downhill quickly on the Friday I was told that my baby wasn’t allowed to sleep in the same room with me which give me a deep flashback to when I lost my first child. When I was told that it was up 4:40 PM so I had no time to contact my solicitor and I had a continuous breakdown over the weekend due to the amount of stress I’ve been under since 9 February 22 until that day all the stress and all of the injustice I felt and all the heartbreak I felt came crashing down I had been begging for months to get mental health help and they knew I needed it but it was delayed constantly and then it just came to a big explosion of emotions that I couldn’t control despite the fact I wanted to.
In very early December we went back to court due to the fact that the placement had been breaking down me and the foster cat have made up since what happened but I was told to leave the first place by the court and I haven’t Been the same since I’ve been doing Therapy I have been going to aces I have not missed a single contact while so I’ve been separated from my daughter I’ve been having a parenting assessment which was overall negative again but again it was more positive than my last one so every single assessment I am having is getting more positive. The last assessment I’ve had the one that’s just finished has a plan for if she comes home under a care order which I’m not contesting too I’m just contesting to Adoption and I don’t know what to don been the same since I’ve been doing therapy, I have been going to aces, I have not missed a single contact while so I’ve been separated from my daughter I’ve been having a parenting assessment which was overall negative again but again was more positive than my last one so every single assessment I am having is getting more positive. The last assessment I’ve had the one that’s just finished has a plan for if she comes home under a care order which I’m not contesting to I’m just contesting to Adoption and I don’t know what to do.
Every issue in the assessment report is being addressed as we speak I am making sure that I am currently And consistently making the changes that are necessary but I’m not sure what else I can do this is my fifth parenting assessment I’m lucky to have all of these assessments and every single one is getting more positive so I kind of just wanna know what everyone thinks.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Sweetloveisgone,

Welcome to the parents forum and thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear about the difficult experiences that you have been through and I hope that the following advice is of some help to you.

It sounds as if you are working hard to make positive changes in your life for the sake of your daughter and I would encourage you to keep doing so. You say that you are attending the contact sessions regularly and haven’t missed any. It is crucial that you continue to do so because this will help you maintain and build your relationship with your daughter, and will also demonstrate that you are prioritising your daughter and taking this seriously. You should also continue working with the mental health services that are supporting you and with your daughter’s social worker. We have a top tips guide to working with a social worker HERE which might be helpful for you to read through.

It is also advisable for you to continue working closely with your solicitor as they are able to offer you the best advice about how your case is going and what the likely outcomes might be. It is positive that the local authority are considering an outcome of your daughter returning home whilst under a care order. The local authority have a duty to consider various possible outcomes and this is known as parallel planning. You don’t say if any of your family or friends have been assessed as possible long-term carers for your daughter but if there is anyone who might be suitable and willing then they should put themselves forward as soon as possible. Children who are placed with a family member or friend for long term care are usually done so under a Special Guardianship Order or under a care order rather than under an adoption order.

We have advice sheets about challenging placement orders and adoption orders which may be helpful for you if the court does decide that it is in your daughter’s best interests to be placed for adoption. You can find these HERE; advice sheets 3a, 3b and 3c.

It might be helpful for you to seek support from Match Mothers. They support mothers who are living apart from their children in a variety of ways including offering non-judgemental support over their adviceline (0800 689 4104), a private chat group and meet-ups.

You are working with mental health services but if you feel that you need any further support regarding this then please take a look at our useful links page which has information about services.

I hope that this is of some help. If you have any further queries then please do post again or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Wednesday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie