Arrested for possession on iioc

[Xr2222]

Hi all, I wanted to share my situation.

I was arrested last August for possession and distribution of iioc during a time frame of a few months , 8 months before my arrest in my home at 7am one morning.
Obviously it was traumatic, my wife was heavily pregnant with two months left to give birth, my son was 2 and a half.
My wife got her parents down to help her immediately on the day. Then she went up north a week later taking my son and went to live with her parents, wanting no to do with me again.
I had to sell the family home and gave her half, and she would not let me have any contact to my son for 8months. No phone call, couldn't wish him a happy birthday, or a happy Christmas, and I missed the birth of my daughter as she didn't want me there so was so angry with me.
Fast forward 10 months..... The investigation is still ongoing, no time frame as to wgen i will hear if I'm charged and what will happen.
I admitted I had got involved with viewing images online on a group app called ***. And got sucked into it. Was looking at porn, then it progressed too easily. I'm remorseful, and I've been on a course called I form plus through the Lucy faithfull organisation. My wife has reconsidered my access to the children, and I saw them both in May in a contact centre, then again for 1hr in June, costing me 75pounds an hour. She lives over 4hours away from me with my children.
She had considered forgiving me and making a go of it again after everything, but she then sought more advice, and felt that there would be too many restrictions placed on the children if we were to get back together, and that it would be too much to handle and that the kids wouldn't be able to live a normal life, with this stigma I will have, and probably be on the register and have a SHPO. So she has decided to call it a day with me.
All of her family do NOT want anything to do with me and have heavily influenced my wife's decision to seperate from me for good. They also tried to tell her not to let me see the children. She has very strong family.
Her mum and dad are raising my children with her.
It's been hell. I almost commited suicide last year, and im on anti depressants. I've had to change my job, and I've brought myself a flat.
My enture life has changed.
My wife is happy to let me see our children for now, with her and another adult to keep them safe even though I have said I love them and I'm not a threat to them. Not once have I thought inappropriate about them.
I have to travel up with my mum currently to see them. No longer in a contact centre. My wife is on better terms with me now,but has told me our marriage is over and will start divorce proceedings, but I'm not sure what will happen in the future or how much time I will get to see my kids, or what social services will say and reccomend once I have been risk assessed.

I am concerned what will happen in the future, and what my punishment will be and how that will impact me seeing my children.
Any help or advice would be appreciated.
I feel helpless and my world has fallen apart.

Thankyou.

Edited by Suzie in accordance with rules

[Toughlife]

Hi
I was in a similar situation like you, two years ago my world felt apart. I was arrested for online sexual communication with a minor (an adult pausing as a child in an adult chat room). A lot has happened since. My case went to court and I was lucky I got a suspended sentence and I am in register for 10 years. I am very ashamed of my offences and it is all my fault. My family is gone through hell. The media made it worse. Luckily my wife has forgiven me and we are trying to move on. I was not allowed unsupervised access to my kids but after my sentence and 3 months in probation social services allowed me unsupervised access to my kids and that is a life line.
Feel free to pm me.

[Dead man walking]

Hi I've also recently been arrested under suspicion for iioc RUI at the minute. Since then my world has fell apart, I've lost everything I love. Wife, Son (apart from twice a week for 1hr (supervised contact) been made homless (in shared accommodation for now) and lost my job. ss have bullied my partner to end the realitionship and offered her no support whatsoever only judgement when she's done nothing wrong, and the most amazing Mam in the world to our young Son(and they know it).I hate myself for what I'm putting my partner and son through and truly ashamed and discusted in myself for what I've done. I'm starting private
therapy soon. I've tried to take my own life twice so far since this and just don't know how I'm supposed to carry on. I'm petrified of what's to come with sentence media, sor, shpo, It breaks me the thought of never having a normal relationship with my son and living a normal life, I feel like I'm in hell and the punishment is never ending I'm at rock bottom and don't see any future .

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Deadmanwalking,

Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.

Firstly, I want to say that I am sorry to hear that you are distressed and struggling at the moment - this is clearly a very stressful situation for your family. Please remember that if you are having any feelings of hopelessness, and feel that you need to talk to someone, you can contact the Samaritans for free, at any time, on 116 123.

You say in you post that you have been arrested under suspicion for possession of indecent images and have been released under investigation. You have a son and children's services are involved. You are currently living in shared accommodation and have supervised contact for one hour each week. You are starting private therapy soon and are finding it difficult to see what may happen next. You are concerned that you will not have a normal relationship with your son.

You do not say in your post whether children's services have completed their initial assessment or whether you son has already been placed on a plan. You should make sure that you have a copy of any assessment and that you understand children's services concerns and why they may think you pose a risk. If children's services think they need to remain involved in your family's life, the social worker will recommend a child in need plan - or if they are concerned about significant harm, a child protection plan. In any case, it is important you have a copy of any plan and that you are actively involved. This may include engaging with certain support services and courses.

In terms of contact, you say that children's services have recommended once a week supervised contact. Whether your contact changes in the future may depend on whether you are convicted of any offences and any subsequent sentencing/conditions of a SHPO. If there have been any changes to the level of risk you may pose - for example, through engaging with support and intervention - you may want to ask children's services to re-assess you for contact. As it stands, children's services do not have parental responsibility for your son and any recommendations around contact are not legally enforceable - however, it is not advisable for you or your wife to ignore this, as they will likely become more concerned about your ability to keep your son safe and may escalate their level of involvement.

You may find it helpful to contact the Lucy Faithful Foundation, Stop it Now helpline, you can find the link here.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

[Sosad]

Hello, I’m new on here and had to write after reading all the above posts because I’m going through a nightmare.
I am an older woman aged 56 with 2 grown up children who no longer live at home. I brought up my kids as a single parent. Five years ago I met my soulmate. We had a fantastic time and my friends, family and work colleagues absolutely loved him. Last year we got engaged and I finally thought I was getting the future I’d only dreamed of. I sold my house and 8 weeks ago we pooled our money and bought a home together. I also took early retirement from my job and planned my wedding which was supposed to be in 10 weeks time. My future was supposed to be so happy with lots of holidays and financial security.
All this was ripped away from me 3 weeks ago when the police knocked on the door at 7 am and arrested my partner for downloading and uploading indecent photos and videos. When he returned home he said that he hadn’t done it and that they won’t find anything on his phone etc. The police have told me that they have intelligence that says he has done this and that even if his phone is clear he has done it but they can’t prove it. I was told that without the evidence from his phone he wouldn’t be charged even though they have the intelligence! I have a grand daughter and social care rang my daughter to inform her. This whole thing has devastated me. Ive lost the man I love, given up my job, sold my house, cancelled my wedding and had my secure happy future ripped away from me. My children are absolutely furious and don’t understand that I miss him and the future we were on the brink of sharing together. They say he is a vile, evil monster and my son has spoken to a solicitor who has said that sharing images is more serious than downloading.
I am absolutely distraught . I’ve left our home and living out of suitcases. I am disgusted by what he’s done and know that I can never be with him again but I can’t bring myself to hate him . I just wish it would all go away. 3 weeks ago I had everything… a new home, early retirement and a wedding in a few weeks. Now I’ve lost it all. I’ve got great friends and fabulous children but they all think I should hate him and right now I just can’t

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Sosad,

Thank you for your post.

I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in - it is clear that this has been a very stressful and distressing time for you. Your partner has been arrested for downloading and sharing indecent images of children, which has come as a shock - like you say, it has drastically impacted your life and future plans. You are feeling confused, upset and are coming to terms with what this now means for you.

Children's services have informed your daughter as she has a child. It is likely that they have advised your daughter to not allow any contact between your granddaughter and your partner.

Can I suggest that you make contact with Lucy Faithful, who offer advice and support to family members of those who have offended online - you can contact their confidential helpline on 0808 1000 900.

Best wishes,

Suzie.