Advice please

[PLK212]

Hello,

5 years ago, whilst I was pregnant (we also had a 3 year old at the time) my husband was going theough a hard time, He was working nights and stared taking narcotics.
This led to him being emotionally abusive, he would accuse me of doing drugs and having affairs. This made me very upset and my Gp referred to children services
I spoke with a social worker over the phone and explained the situation and that he was going to get help and she said she would put us in touch with a support worker.
Shortly after, I was staying at my mother’s house and he decided to come through the window as he was paranoid and it worried me as he was behaving erratic and again accusing/delusional. I informed the police. The police noted it as ‘trespassing’.
Social services made contact over the phone.

At this point I was ready to walk away from him and informed the social worker over the phone that I am ending the relationship.
She said thats’s fine and to ensure supervised contact and case closed.

We spent a total of five years, ensuring safe contact, he is wonderful with the children. There is zero abuse because he does not take any narcotics. He has done drug tests to ensure I can trust him, he has completed safeguarding level 1 and 2, done a DV course, drug counselling, done a parenting course.

Equally, I have completed the freedom programme so i can quickly recognise signs/red flags, safeguarding courses as I am a medical professional and do this annually, and I’ve completed the **** parenting program.
Noone has ever asked us to do these courses but after doing research, i realised this was important.

We have had three years of a healthy, happy marriage.

We have decided we want to try for another baby. My worry is when social services find out i’m pregnant this will lead to problems.
I know at the’booking in’ appointment i will be asked about any ss involvement. Will i need to disclose this as noone came out to see me, i spoke with them twice over the phone.

Is it worth me contacting ss and letting them know we plan on having another child?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear PLK212,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your post. I hope that the following advice is helpful.

You would like to know if you should disclose the previous involvement you have had with children’s services at your booking appointment, and you also ask if you could contact children’s services to inform them that you plan to have another baby.

Firstly, I would advise you to be open and transparent with the midwife at your booking appointment. As you say they will ask you directly if there has been any previous children’s services involvement, so it is advisable to be completely honest at this stage. If it appears at a later stage that you have been dishonest or withheld information purposefully this may cause concern amongst professionals. It may be that as a result of you disclosing this information a referral is made to children’s services by the midwife. This could result in children’s services undertaking an assessment, however from the information you have given there is nothing to suggest that your children are at risk of harm.

You can find more information on our website here and here about possible children’s services involvement and the different kinds of assessments.

You ask whether it is worth contacting children’s services to let them know that you plan to have another child. This is completely up to you – there is no obligation to, however you may find it helpful to discuss the situation with them and update them that you and your partner did resume your relationship.

It sounds like you and your partner have made significant changes to address the issues that were of concern and it is positive that you have both completed relevant courses and that your partner no longer misuses drugs. It is also positive that a reasonable period of time has lapsed since these problematic issues. Any assessment completed by children’s services should take all this into consideration.

I hope that the above is helpful. If you or your partner would like any further advice then you can either post here again or call our free, confidential helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm) to speak with an adviser.

Best wishes,
Suzie