Social worker being inappropriate

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi I’m new to this forum and could really use some advice. A sexual abuse allegation was made against my husband, he was bailed to a relatives address so isn’t in the home but can visit as long as he’s supervised whilst the investigation is done. We were referred to social care with our children being seen as at risk, I fully understand the concern and agreed to go on a child protection plan as I was told this would be a quick assessment and would mean my husband good for back to having the kids unsupervised as soon as restrictions were lifted - how naive was I. This was when the trouble started, the new social worker is a nightmare and has no communication skills with children. She has only met with them twice for a total of 45 mins but apparently seems to think she knows them better than I do. I have always been clear that the childrens safety is my priority but I won’t damage their relationship with their father just to make the social workers job easy at the end of the day I’m the one left picking up the pieces. She keeps insisting that I tell my 10 yr old all the details of my husbands arrest and what he’s been accused of which I don’t agree with. He is aware of his dads arrest and knows he’s been accused of something bad that if proven could mean we can’t see him for a while and he could go to prison. He’s said himself he doesn’t actually want to know. The social worker isn’t happy with this and keeps saying ‘he’s 10 you should just tell him’. She was supposed to be meeting with myself and the children together to have an informal chat and discuss appropriate relationships with them, when she arrived she insisted my son go in his room on his own with her to do this. When he came downstairs he was really quiet and later went to his grandparents where he broke down saying she had repeatedly questioned him on his dads arrest and what he had been told as well as saying he was 10 so should be told more - he’s begged me for him to never have to see her again. I’d already told her that he was aware but I didn’t feel it was fair to terrify a happy young boy for something that may not even happen, my husband had also said the same to her an hour before she came over and said as a family we would deal with it in stages. I’ve contacted school as I’m worried she will instead just turn up at school now and interrogate him there without telling me. They said she’d called them to say she thought he should be told more and she was going to approach it ‘gently’ which she didn’t.
Can she do this?? I just don’t understand how they can completely disregard our wishes and do something so damaging to him, he’s far more distressed now then when this started. I had to have a ‘chat’ with her as part of the assessment that turned into a 90 minute police style interrogation so I dread to think what he’s feeling. I’ve asked to speak to her manager and she’s refused to give me her contact details and said to my husband we can only speak to her if she’s present.
I’m at my wits end and don’t know what our rights are
Thank you

Dear MNB98

Welcome to Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum and thanks for your post.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will be responding to you your post.

Children’s services is involved with your family because a sexual abuse allegation has been made against your husband and the police is investigating. Your husband was placed on bail to a relative’s home. As a result, of the allegations children’s services carried out child protection investigation and it appears that your children were placed on child protection plans. You may wish to read the information here about child protection as it does not usually require your agreement for children to be placed on a child protection plan. You can read this here .

Sometimes when children are on a child protection plan the case might be transferred to a different team in children’s services this maybe the reason you have a different social worker. Or the social worker who dealt with your case initially is no longer there.

You are concerned that the new social worker wants you to explain the nature of the allegation made against his father to your 10-year-old son, but you and he do not think it is appropriate for him to be told. He has been given some information about his father’s arrest which both you and his father consider to be enough. It may be that the social worker is of the view that keeping secrets is not the best thing for your son. The social worker should perhaps discuss with you both what is an age appropriate to share the information. It is not helpful for the social worker to act in a way that would make a child feel as distressed as you suggest.

Have you considered how it might be for your son if he hears the details of the allegation from someone outside the family? Perhaps from another child who may hear it accidentally, this might leave your son feeling bad that you and his father did not tell him. The other issue for the social worker may be that knowledge of the allegation would open a discussion about keeping himself safe. You have not mentioned the nature of the sexual abuse in your post, and it is not for me to make any assumption.

The social worker should try to work in partnership with you and your husband but if it is considered a safeguarding issue, she could override your wishes as the child’s wellbeing is her focus. It might help if you explain to the social worker if you have any other concerns about your son being told and why it is important that the information is not shared with him. It is important that you understand that even if the police decide they are taking no further action this will not stop children’s services involvement. The police and children’s services are concerned about different things, the police for evidence that could lead to a successful prosecution, the test for criminal offences is beyond reasonable doubt. In civil matters it is on the balance of probability that is, is it more likely to have happened than not.

The social worker should provide you with details of her manager as you have the right to raise concerns with the manager. You can telephone children’s services and ask for the manager by giving the social worker’s name. It is not correct that you cannot speak to the manager without the social worker present. The manager may be of the view that a meeting with all of you would be more helpful.

I am sorry that you are feeling so distressed by the current situation and you may find it helpful to read the information here about children’s services procedures when they receive a referral. There is also a guide about working with social workers . If you are unhappy with how the case is being managed, you can make a formal complaint and there is a link here to how you can do this.

You may also find it helpful to speak with the Lucy Faithfull Foundation on 0808 100 0900 for more advice about the sexual abuse.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday, (except Bank Holidays)

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

My daughter is under a care plan put in place by Cornwall social services the case has not yet been moved over to welsh social service. Can Welsh social services make demands that conflict with the working care plan that is in place and what has been agreed. I am the father and Cornwall social services have said that I can be at mum an babys address no restrictions whats so ever. Welsh social services come out to mum an babys address and order me off the premises with no paperwork and no reason but said they had to see me leave there and then. I complied with the demand even though I was extremely confused and upset. I talked to the social worker in Cornwall social worker was outraged and said that they had no rights to do what they did and said to go back when I wish to and that they cannot stop me seeing my daughter and that she would be personal contacting the social that ordered me off the premises and the manager directly and she did so. 3 days ago the same social worker that ordered me off the premises come out to the address again and made a threatening statement that legel preceeding would begin within 3 weeks if I did not leave mum and babys address. I then again contacted Cornwall the social workers who was absolutely shocked and appalled as both times my self and mum found the visit to be extremely distressing and we found him to extremely intimidating and aggressive by the end of both visit we was shacking with fear. He also fabricated lies on both occasion in regards to my conduct though the visits and said to mum you should move back to Cornwall if you want the father to be involved with the baby. After this cornwall social worker manager made official complaints and said that he is to not to attend the address again as they has no rights to be out in the capacity. So today the same social arrived at mums property Cornwall said that if he attended that we should let him in and refuse the visit and ask him to leave the premises immediately witch we did also recorded the conversation. The social worker in Wales report back that I was aggressive and chased him down the road and tried to block him for entering his car witch is nut as I said record the hole visit and never left the premises. He then made threats about returning with the police. What should we do as we as we feel like we are being victimtmed and harassed by Welsh social services. Cornwall social worker and the manager have seen the video and know my self and mum and are in disbelieve and are outraged with what has happened. What steps can we make to end this nightmare as we are both terrified. The Welsh social services manager also tried implying that mums is mentally compromised because she was distressed with the visits. A massive thank you to anyone that responds

Dear Zool117

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ discussion forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I will respond to your post as far as I am able, but the remit of our service does not cover Wales.

You say that there is a care plan in place by Cornwall Children's Services and case not transferred to Welsh social services. Is this plan a child in need plan or a child protection plan.

It is unclear from your post if the mother of your child is still living in Cornwall or moved to Wales. If the case has been referred to Wales and they are carrying out their own assessment, then that would explain the social worker’s visit. I assume that until they have done the assessment, they wish to ensure that there are no safeguarding concerns for them. They have not assessed you, but children’s services are involved and there is a plan in place, and want to do their own assessment of risk.

It would be unusual for another local authority to take over visits to a family when the case has not formally been transferred to them as you suggest in your post. I am unable to explain the visits by the social worker from Welsh social services.

You have not mentioned the reasons that children’s services became involved with the children’s mother and their safeguarding concerns about the children. If they have no concerns about you and mother, it is not clear why they are involved and why there is a plan in place.

It seems to me that it is important that you both ask Cornwall to put in writing to you the current position and when and if the case has been transferred to Wales. If they are not happy with the actions of the Welsh social worker, then this will need to be dealt with at managerial level in both authorities so everyone can be clear about the way forward.

I suggest that you both ask for a meeting with social workers and manager involved so there can be a discussion to help you both understand the process and what happens next.

I am sorry that I am not able to give you more advice but there is not enough information about the process you are involved in and, as stated above, I am not able to advice on Welsh social services.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser about Cornwall children’s services do telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

Hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie