Need help with boyfriend ex wife

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Cupcake27
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2022 2:27 am

Need help with boyfriend ex wife

Post by Cupcake27 » Mon Jun 06, 2022 4:49 pm

Hi, so my boyfriend and I got to get together he told me about his ex wife and what she had accused him of raping her and touching their daughter, mind he had her for 3 years with her only wanting contact the last 12months then her not bringing her back and keeping her she cheated on him the whole time they where together and battered him. Her and her new boyfriend (who has threatened to beat up and other things my partner and his mum) have stopped my partner and his parents having contact with his daughter the police reports come back as NFA and iv seen all the letters his had from police ect and said it was her doing it out of spite basically! Now they have found out who I am inboxed me phoned the police so they came round to tell me about him getting accused of that and there informed SS will they come and assess me or anything? I’m trying to protect my daughter and myself but I am been stupid staying with him even though he makes us happy? Now I’m scared of what his ex wife will do or accuse him of as he wouldn’t hurt a fly he flinches if where play fighting and stuff still from everything she’s out him though her! Her and her new partner have been pushed out of one town and of a few houses because nobody likes them and they just cause trouble he is meant to be getting done for gbh as he battered his neighbour with an iron bar! What am I meant to do in this situation as my boyfriend is loosing the will to live and in constant fear from all this!

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Need help with boyfriend ex wife

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Jun 09, 2022 9:48 am

Dear Cupcake21,

Welcome to the parents’ board and thank you for your post.

You say that when you and your boyfriend started your relationship, he told you that his ex-wife had accused him of raping her, and touching their daughter. From what I understand of your post, your boyfriend cared for his daughter for 3 years and her mother has started to have contact within the last 12 months, which has resulted in her keeping the child in her care. You say that her mother and new partner have threatened your boyfriend and his mother and have stopped contact. This has been reported to the police with no further action.

You say that they have now informed the police about you and that children’s services have been informed. You are worried about what impact this may have on you and your daughter and would like to know if children’s services will come and assess you. You say that your boyfriend’s ex-partner was abusive to him and that you believe she is doing this to cause trouble. You would like some advice on what to do next.

Firstly, it seems as though your partner’s relationship with his ex was marred by a number of serious allegations on both sides. You do not mention whether children’s services became involved with your boyfriend’s daughter at any point – given some of the allegations you mentioned, including that he touched her, this is likely to have caused them concern.

Children’s services, if they have received a referral regarding your daughter, will now assess whether this meets their threshold for further involvement. If this decide it does, they will contact you and may progress with a children and families assessment – this is an assessment that will look at your situation in further detail and will involve speaking to you, your daughter and any other professionals in her life, including those from school and health. You can read more about this here.
There are a number of outcomes that can come from a children and families assessment, including no further action; a referral to Early Help or the recommendation of a Child in Need plan. You can read more about this here.

In some cases, if children’s services are concerned that your daughter has suffered significant harm or is at risk of significant harm, they may initiate child protection enquiries, which would result in your daughter being placed on a child protection plan. You can read more about this here.

Unfortunately I am unable to advise you as to how you may proceed in your relationship. Children’s services will assess the risk that they believe your boyfriend poses to your daughter and they may advise that he leave the home in order for your daughter to be safe. Children’s services will expect you to act in a protective capacity as your daughter’s parent.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

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