Mental health and drug abuse

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Beela92
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2022 11:01 am

Mental health and drug abuse

Post by Beela92 » Mon Jun 06, 2022 11:30 am

I'm all very new to this as never had any social work involvement, my partner however has lost 2 children to the system due to his ex wife while he was on remand for her lies. Social work got in touch 3 weeks before the birth of our daughter. Knew from the first appointment that my partner was really really struggling with his mental health and had been self medicating with cocaine after a number of attempts to get help. I managed to get him to the doctors and we where put in touch with a drugs Councillor and that was all the support we where offered. My partner stopped taking the drug straight away. The social worker became very pushy about him going to the appointment on his own even after was explained to her as well as the doctors that his anxiety and paranoia had got so out of control that he couldn't leave the house, wouldn't even be able to sit in the garden. I myself have a complex ptsd and anxiety diagnosis that effects me daily. I was taken in to be induced a week early due to pain and the day before I was booked in our social worker came out to tell us that under no circumstances was my partner to miss this appointment even if I was still in hospital or ill or even in labour. There was a delay due to beds so I wasn't taken in until the day of the appointment while I was in labour our social worker to ask why my partner hadn't attended the appointment and that this doesn't look good for him. Knowing that he has had bad experiences with social work before and his mental health was in the gutter this just pushed him over the edge. A week ago he took a major cocaine overdose and when she came out while he was still in hospital and I'm home with a 5 day old as well as a 5 yo and told me that he wasn't allowed back near my property and I wasn't allowed any contact with him at all or the children would be taken straight into care. Due to past experience and the fear that this was going to happen my partner felt the only option was self medicate as he didn't want to be a burden or put any more stress on me. They have only seen the drug problem and not the factors behind it. We have still not been offered any support or help on either side. Surely this can't be right... They say there aim is to keep familys together but it's been obvious from day one that my partner was ritten off from day one, she even told me that I should get used to the fact my relationship is over and my daughter will never have a stable dad in her life.. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Mental health and drug abuse

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jun 13, 2022 5:28 pm

Dear Beela 92

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see from your post that you have children’s services involvement with your family and appear to be struggling to understand the process and what is expected of you and your partner so that you can have a good outcome for your family.

I should point out that it appears you from what you say at the beginning of you post that you think lies were told about your partner by his ex-wife. This is likely to be a concern for children’s services who are likely to consider that you are minimising his behaviour whatever that was. For children to have been removed from a parent’s care suggests that there were concerns that children had suffered or were at risk of suffering significant harm.

It is not clear from your post why children’s services only became involved 3 weeks before you were due to give birth. This seems unusual in a situation where a prospective parent has lost care of his children in the past. Perhaps they failed to contact you earlier in your pregnancy. Normally there would be pre-birth planning assessment done from 20 weeks onwards, so both you and your partner have an idea of children’s services concerns and the plan for when baby arrives.

You state in your post that your partner has significant mental health problems. Unfortunately, management of his mental health issues does not appear to include him engaging appropriately with mental health services. He self-medicates with cocaine which children’s services would see as risky behaviour where a young baby is care would be compromised. Whilst I understand your concerns for your partner’s difficulties, children’s services main concern is your baby’s safety and may believe that you are putting his needs above your baby’s. The social worker may be concerned that your partner is able to obtain his drug of choice but not willing to attend an appointment to get the help and support he needs to address his mental health and drug usage.

In your post you state that you have your own mental health issues with a diagnosis of complex PTSD and anxiety, you do not say, but I am guessing that you manage your mental health appropriately. You express concern that the social worker insisted that your partner attend his appointment(s) on his own. The reason for this may be that it is important to show that he can manage himself without you having to do things for him. There would be concerns about how you would be able to manage to look after your children and him safely since the amount of support he could offer if so dependent on you would be limited.

Your partner’s taking what you describe in your post as ‘a massive cocaine overdose’ was not very helpful. This would have done nothing to give children’s services confidence that he is safe around you and the children. I think it is important for you to understand the concerns that children’s services have about your children. If you are unable to do that the likelihood is that you will be seen as having no insight into the needs of your children, the emotional impact his behaviour has on you and them. Whilst I agree that your partner may have underlying reasons for his behaviour, he also needs to recognise his responsibilities to you and his children rather than relying on you. There are safeguarding concerns which is why the social worker is of the view he should not be in the home. Ask the social worker to explain her concerns so you can be clear about it.

I don’t think your partner was necessarily written off as you say from the beginning, but it is important for you both to show children’s services that it is safe for him to be around the children. His failure to obtain appropriate support for his mental health and choice of cocaine was not a good one. Your partner should try to be proactive is seeking help and support for his mental health and drug use and it is important that you do not justify his behaviour to the social worker, or this may lead to concerns about how protective you are of your children.

Having said this, I think it is wrong of the social worker to tell you to get used to the idea that your relationship is over. That is, in my view, part of her professional role, she should explain and discuss with you the concerns that there are and how best to work with children’s services.

I think it would be helpful for you to read information here about working with social workers. There is also a link to children’s services and how they work to safeguard children within their families.

I hope you find this helpful, but should you wish to speak to an adviser ring our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays)

Best wishes

Suzie

benion
Posts: 32
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2021 7:07 pm

Re: Mental health and drug abuse

Post by benion » Fri Jun 17, 2022 7:33 pm

There are a number of red flags in your post. You state that your partner was being held on remand over his ex-wife's lies. In order to charge and hold someone on remand there has to be evidence. It could be that you are in denial about this because you love your partner.
Unfortunately your partner has screwed up big time with his overdose. You must cut ALL contact with him, on phones/texts/social media. Do NOT let him visit the home. Do not underestimate the social workers, they perform surveillance on properties and some LAs even employ private investigators. Change your phone number and block on social media. No matter what, you need to stay firm. Just ONE contact with him and the LA could instigate care proceedings.
There is a chance in the future he could get access as long as he has a period free of drugs and in a stable mental state. However, he is a grown man and that is his problem. Prioritise the baby and do not risk losing your child over this guy.

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