Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

advice please

My son is 11. He has a diagnosis of Autism, ADHD, PDA. He is violent and I can not control him. He has threatened to stab myself and other family members with a knife ( they are locked away now) He damages property and has meltdowns daily. This is just a snippet.

He has been excluded from school but now returned, caused damage at school and school have been less than helpful, I have asked for ehcp but told no because funding has all been used up.

Social services became involved 8 weeks ago and are putting in place a 'child in need' plan.

My issue is that I can not cope, I have asked that children's services take my son into voluntary accommodation for the sake of everyone's safety in the house but they just tell me no that there is no where for him to go and I have parental responsibility so I have no choice but to look after him.

I am worried he is going to either stab me in my sleep, hurt my other children or I have a mental breakdown.

Police have been to the house alot and say they can't do anything, I told them next time he becomes violent I am opening the door and putting him outside
(I was desperate at this point) police told me if I did that I would be arrested for neglect.

Please give me some advice, I'm at the end of my tether

Dear Taggi

Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser for the Family Rights Group and will be responding to your post today.

I am sorry to hear of your distress and the difficult situation you and your family are trying to manage. It sounds like a very stressful time for you all.

Your son has several diagnoses, he can be violent to you and other family members and difficult to manage because of his needs. Your son is struggling to manage in school, he was excluded but has now returned. You have sought support from school and from your perspective they have not been helpful and have refused to assess your son for a Education and Health plan (EHCP) because they say funding has run out. Eight weeks ago, children’s services become involved and said they will support your son via a Chid in Need Plan. However, they will not accommodate him because they say they have nowhere for him to go. The police have warned you that if you abandon your son, you will be arrested for neglect.

You say children services became involved eight weeks ago. Did they complete a child and family assessment? If so, you should have received a copy which will include recommendations for future support. If you haven’t received a copy, then I suggest you ask the social worker for one. The recommendations should include the type and level of support children’s services are recommending and importantly, considering your current situation, timescales for the interventions.

You say your child has a diagnose of Autism, ADHD, PDA. Has he been formally diagnosed? If so, I would suggest you approach your local authority to request an assessment. If a local authority is requested to carry out an EHC needs assessment by a parent, young person, school or college, they must consider whether the child or young person has or may have special educational needs (“SEN”); and whether they may need special educational provision to be made through an EHC plan. If the answer to both of these questions is yes, they must carry out an EHC needs assessment. This test is set out in the law (section 36(8) of the Children and Families Act 2014). This means these are the only questions the LA should be asking when considering whether or not to carry out an EHC needs assessment. I have added a link HERE which you may find helpful. They are an Independent Provider of Special Education Advice (known as IPSEA). IPSEA offers free and independent legally based information, advice and support to help get the right education for children and young people with all kinds of special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).

In respect of accommodating your child. I have added a link HERE which sets out what this means for you and your child and how children’s services should be working with you. The police are correct in respect of saying the can arrest parents if they abandon their children. However, arguably, you are not abandoning your son but trying to get the support he (and his family) so clearly needs. I would suggest you go back to children’s services to raise the potential safeguarding points you have raised here. To ask them how they suggest you manage them and what supports they are willing to put in place to help you achieve them.

Do you have any family members that could offer respite to your son? To take him for a few hours after school or during the weekend? I understand this may not be a longer term solution but it may offer some short term respite whilst longer term support is put in place. It would be a good idea to discuss this with your family and close friends if you haven’t already done so. I would further suggest you discuss with the social worker the possibility of holding a family group conference. A family group conference is a family-led decision-making meeting. A child’s wider family and support network come together to develop a plan to support a child and keep them safe. This network may include grandparents, aunts and uncles and sometimes close family friends. The meeting is supported and facilitated by a trained and skilled independent coordinator. They help the family prepare for the meeting and attend to support. A family group conference can be used in any situation where a child and family need additional support. For example, when a child cannot live at home or is at risk of going into care.

In respect of your son’s diagnoses, you may find this link HEREhelpful. It is the National Autistic Society. They provide in-depth advice and guidance on the challenges autistic people and their families face and have an online community place for autistic people and their families to meet like-minded people and share their experiences.

I hope you find this information useful.  Should you wish to speak to an adviser please call our free advice line: 0808 801 0366 (Mon to Fri 9.30a.m. – 3.00p.m excluding bank holidays). Or you can of course, post again on here.
Best wishes, Suzie.