Alienated from my boys

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Cherished1
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2022 6:20 am

Alienated from my boys

Post by Cherished1 » Fri Apr 22, 2022 2:09 am

Hi I'm looking for some advice my boys are in long term Foster care. 6 months been there had first visit after 8 weeks back in December of them been there. No visit since as they had covid was never told only by my boys by text. Two review meetings no invite boy had tooth removed I know nothing about my boys Foster carer. Only her name and that she is a single mum to one boy. This woman wants to take my boys out of the country to X in August on her own with her son. Not feeling good about it. She's brave on her own taking responsibility of going out of country no other adult with 3 children. I share parental responsibility with local authorities. Basically I just want to know if I have any rights. Feel I am been alienated more and more everyday my heart is literally broken and physically and mentally and emotionally can't take nomore thank you for reading.
Last edited by Suzie, FRG Adviser on Fri Apr 22, 2022 9:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Moderated to protect confidentiality

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4207
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Alienated from my boys

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Apr 25, 2022 4:00 pm

Dear Cherished1

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I am very sorry to hear of the difficulties you and your family are experiencing.

You are the mother of two boys who are in long-term foster care. You are concerned that you are not being properly involved and informed about your boys, contact is not happening regularly, communication around this has been poor and you are unsure about the boys’ proposed trip abroad with the foster carer and her son. You are querying if you have any rights as I think it feels that you haven’t. The situation is taking a considerable toll on you.

You are still the boys’ mother, a parent with parental responsibility(PR) and you do have rights; also, children’s services have responsibilities to you too. There are limitations on your ability to exercise your PR though because Children’s Services have a Care Order which allows them to have the final say or override you in decisions about your sons. However, they must consult with you when making significant decisions about your boys and take account of your views, although this does not mean that they must agree with you or do what you would want.

Parents should usually be invited to Looked After Child Reviews. The only reason that a parent should not be invited to attend is if the Independent Reviewing Officer and social worker agree that it is not in the children’s best interests. However, the IRO should still consult with parents e.g. by phone. You are also entitled to know why you have not been invited. However, whatever the reason is, it should be explained to you and you should have the opportunity to challenge if you think it is unreasonable. Please see this FAQ which sets out what the regulations say and also what you can do. The main thing to do is to contact the IRO initially as their job is to try to resolve issues that arise out of the care planning process. However, if you are unhappy with the IRO’s response or their conduct then you can consider making a complaint.

It is not unusual that you don’t know much about the foster carer. However, I think that you may also not have been given details of where your boys are living. You can find an explanation of the ‘exception’ children’s services’ can make which allows them not to share the information with you here.

In relation to your contact with the boys, there should be a contact plan in place with a clear schedule of when contact will take place. No contact since December seems to be a long gap. Understandably if the boys were unwell with Covid they were unable to attend but this should have been rearranged. Also, you should have been notified about any change to the contact plans by the boys’ social worker or foster carer. You should raise this with their social worker and their IRO as soon as possible. They do have a duty to promote contact between children and their parents; you can find out more about this duty here and the details of how the children’s family relationships will be met must be written into their care plan.

You should ask (in writing) for a copy of your sons’ Looked After Children care plans. They must be regularly reviewed. You could also specifically ask the social worker to keep you updated about any dental or health appointments that your sons are having.

Please see below for some tips on contacting the IRO that may help:

 Contact can be made by telephone. Or in writing, by letter or email

 If the contact details for the independent reviewing officer haven’t already been shared the child’s social worker can be asked for these.

 If sending an email or a letter, it is a good idea to:

 Include a date by which the independent reviewing officer is requested to confirm they have safely received the letter or email
 Say how soon you would like a full response from the independent reviewing officer (how long is reasonable will depend on how urgent the situation is. For non urgent matters, asking for a full response within ten working days may be sensible)
 Keep a record of any discussions with the independent reviewing officer including:
 Noting down the date and time of any discussions in a notebook or diary. Or in a voice note
 Keeping a copy of any emails of letters sent, and any received from the independent reviewing officer

 It can be helpful to make notes ahead of a call or meeting with the independent reviewing officer. Doing this can help parents and carers remember the things they want to raise. Talking things through with a trusted friend or family member can be a useful idea as well.

In relation to the proposed holiday abroad, perhaps you could ask the social worker to discuss this further with you, to give you some reassurance as you are worried about how the foster carer will manage with both your boys and her own son. I imagine the boys will be looking forward to a holiday and it will hopefully be a very enjoyable experience for them. Perhaps if you knew a bit more about what they will be doing and their views this would help.

If you try raising the issues with your sons’ social worker and IRO and the difficulties you are experiencing are not addressed and don't improve then you could consider going through the complaints process which you can find here. Or you can get advice about bringing the matter back to court, if appropriate.

I hope that you have some help and emotional from your family or friends network and that you know about professionals or other organisations which can help e.g. your GP. Mothers Apart from their Children (MATCH) is a support service for mothers who are separated from their children for many different reasons. They have a confidential helpline too: 0800 689 4104, open 9am to 1pm and 7 pm to 9.30 pm.

I hope this is helpful.

Please post again if you have a further query or, if you prefer to speak o an adviser please contact our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm.

Best wishes

Suzie

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