Waiting to hear from MASH team

[Mum of one]

Hello,
My son and I have been referred to the MASH team by my now-deceased husband’s hospital, as we are recently bereaved and I am a wheelchair user. My son is Autistic and my 24yr old daughter is caring for me. I care for my son.

It was an urgent referral but I haven’t heard from them yet.

Would contacting them be detrimental to us?

[benion]

Unfortunately I have been on the receiving end of false allegations from so called professionals, so this does happen. However I have never experienced anything as bad as that.

The first thing to note is that the police are not involved which is a good sign.

Now a serious allegation has been made, SS have to investigate. However on this occasion you have 2 witnesses, your friend who was there at the time and your son. I understand your son has autism. Do you think that he would be capable of giving a statement when interviewed by SS?

I do not think this enough to take your son away, however you are correct that this information will be kept on file, with the SWs findings. There is nothing anyone can do to stop that. SS maintain a high level of confidentiality so the one reassuring factor is that this data will never be gossiped around.

Let the SWs do their job. Once done, take out a subject access request to see the files. If SS conclude the allegation is vexatious, consider suing the hospital.

[Mum of one]

Thank you so much for your comprehensive explanation of SS and for the tip to take this against the hospital if the notes are vexatious.

Thank you also for your very speedy response which I very much appreciate.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

My 15yr old (Autistic) son and I have just lost his father to a traumatic brain injury (falling down our stairs at home) last weekend. He was in a profound coma for 17 days until his life support system was disconnected, leaving us utterly bereft and heartbroken.

In hospital, when saying goodbye, on the 8th of April morning, I placed my hand on my husband (under the sheet, and without moving, just as a desperately sad goodbye to that part of my life -I will never be intimate again, I am too old and heartbroken) and he got an erection. I was so shocked that I blurted it out to the nurse, asking if it could possibly be taken as a reaction? (Coma patients are pronounced brain dead unless they can react), she said no, not a reaction.

I received a phone call from hospital yesterday (Thursday 14 April) telling me that because my son had been there at the time, the nurse had raised a safeguarding issue against me, and then they proceeded to read me the frankly lurid, utterly horrifying report by said nurse, who turned a fond widow’s desperately sad (quiet hand) goodbye gesture into a repeated pornographic act! She even said that my son was on my lap at the time, and that I was moving my hand!! She reported that my son asked me to stop touching his father but he says no he never did and that none of this happened?!
I am absolutely distraught. How could anyone sexualise such a sad, poignant goodbye between a wife to her husband. I only mentioned it in case it might save his life?!

They have alerted the MASH team to protect my son.

A friend was there with us on the day and she is completely horrified at what this nurse has reported. My son was not on my lap, my hand was not stimulating my husband -and certainly not repeatedly! And my son never asked me to stop.
I can not understand why any professional would take to such a flight of fancy at a time and place like that.
We were supposed to have a goodbye room but instead we were on the ward, in constant view of staff. No photos ever allowed, I had to ask permission to kiss my husband. It was heartbreaking.

I am so distraught about being reported as a sexual deviant that I called Cruse and the Samaritans and both say that this is not an unknown gesture to lay a hand on a beloved spouse like this. Quietly and as discretely as possible. They asked whether the nurse was maybe too young to be aware of this and to her all contact was sexual? But how could she write such monstrosities?!

How can I protect my son from such a horrific situation? I don’t want some pornographic fantasy to be splashed all over his life history.

My friend who was there has said that she will write a statement to counter what the nurse has said. She is horrified. My son is completely mystified about what this nurse has cooked up. I don’t understand how anyone could invent such a narrative?!

What can I do?

Do I need to find a solicitor to protect us if the MASH team only accept the nurse’s confection?

Dear Mum of one

Thank you for your post.

I am sorry to read of your situation and am sorry for your loss.

You have said that the hospital advised you that a referral was made to children’s services in your area and the likely next step may be, communication from a social worker who may ask to meet with you in order to undertake/begin an assessment.

The Government has set out guidance about how this process should be done and you can read about here in this document entitled Working Together to Safeguard Children 2018, do start reading from page 26.

You will see from page 18 onwards that safeguarding concerns may be raised by any professional and shared with other professionals. There are ways to make complaints about this process too, in your situation to the National Health Service – here is a link to how to make a complaint about the NHS.

You may find a solicitor through the Law Society’s website, here.

If you would like to speak to one of our advisers, in confidence, our helpline is open Monday to Friday, from 9.30am to 3.00pm on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Mum of one]

Dear Suzie,
Thank you so much for your response! I will read up on your link immediately.

I still have not been contacted by anyone, but it can only be a matter of time, I’m sure.

Kindest regards,
Mum of One

[benion]

You really have nothing to worry about here.

Social services do not hang about. If there were serious concerns 1. you would be down the police station being interviewed under caution and 2. The SS would be at your house within hours.

A horrible allegation has been made, so they have a duty to investigate. However, you have witnesses saying this report is utter rubbish.

If you want to contact the MASH team, go ahead. It would make no difference to how you get treated.

When you are finally interviewed, be polite. However answer each question as succinctly as possible.

It is highly likely this will go away after an interview.

After that, complain to PALS and consider suing. If a solicitor will not take it on, go to court as a litigant in person.

I have had professionals exaggerate our family situation before. However, I have never had blatant lies told about me like this. It is disgraceful!

[Mum of one]

Thank you so much @Benion.

Your words have been repeated by many (in person), who have tried to reassure me.

I’m going to wait for them to contact me, and try to organise the interview for a date that the friend who was there on the day of the allegations, can attend.
Maybe even another person as well, so that there are independent witnesses to their interview, and a non-parental witness who can be there to reassure my son, as they will want to interview him without me, and he is very anxious about strangers at this time (in his bereavement).

Thank you for taking the time to respond.