Please help us

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Joined: Thu Dec 09, 2021 11:15 pm

Please help us

Post by LadySpikes » Tue Mar 15, 2022 12:29 am

We need some help desperately. Our baby was removed in December at birth and has been ina foster to adopt placement. We found out today that we failed our parenting assessment based on 2 hours. It's mostly all negative, even expressing breastmilk is still not considered a positive.
My baby has always been very content and settled with us but this isn't evidence of a bond, baby is just like that cos he's settled in his placement.
They spoke to the paternal grandmother who's currently caring for the older 3 children, they were removed last May but that's a different case. The baby is more urgent and a priority. Grandmother lied and blames me for the lack of support she gave us. She never helped us, even when we asked so we stopped asking. She says she won't have the baby as it's not fair on the older 3 children. She won't even take them to meet the baby. She has completely disowned 2 of her own children when they were in desperate need of her support, she just turned her back on them.
My middle child has behavioural difficulties and instead of getting him support, we are blamed. They said that the older 2 were "damaged" by us and therefore we are a risk to the baby.
It does say that basic care is not a concern and explains that basic care entails clothing, food, hygiene etc and not suffering from abuse.
My mental health is used as I suffer with depression, it has been especially hard since the removal of the children and it's always used against me. I have done therapy and counselling and it's not enough.
My baby was removed on the grounds of suffering emotional harm and neglect before he was born. I exposed him to my low mood and stress and I failed to completely bond with him as I never knew if I could keep him until 2 days before he was due to be born. We got the pre birth assessment 2 days after he was due. We were never given a chance to even try and keep him.

What can I do? I don't want to lose him, I don't want my kids to lose him. Can someone please advise me on what I can do to stop him being adopted?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Please help us

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Mar 17, 2022 4:47 pm

Dear LadySpikes

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I am very sorry to hear of the difficulties you and your family are experiencing, that your baby son was removed from you at birth and that your older children had previously previously been removed from your care. It is clearly a very distressing situation for you.

You describe how your baby son has been in a fostering for adoption placement since he was new-born. Is there a reason why you received the pre-birth assessment so late – 2 days before your baby was due?

We have a specific fostering for adoption advice sheet 3a) which I would recommend that you read. Fostering for adoption should only be used in certain circumstances .

I hope that you have legal advice and representation from a solicitor although you do not mention this. It is very important for a parent to seek legal advice as soon as the possibility of fostering for adoption is mentioned. Your solicitor is best placed to advise you on what you can do.

As you had only just received the parenting assessment on the day you posted on this forum the most urgent thing for you to do is to arrange to meet with your solicitor to consider the outcome and how you may be able to respond to the specific areas of concern raised. This could include thinking about what you could do differently, whether there is additional parenting support, counselling, or therapeutic support that you can access now to improve your capacity to care for the baby safely.

Has there been a family group conference (FGC) to consider whether there are other family members who could care for the baby? You state that the paternal grandmother is unwilling to care for the baby but has this been fully explored with her/has she had an assessment? I understand that if there were no prospective family carers this may have been one of the reasons why fostering for adoption was considered. However, if a potential family or friends’ carer puts themselves forward at any point in this process they must be assessed.

You may find this further information on adoption helpful especially as it sets out the further steps that must be taken before a child can be adopted especially where parents do not consent. And you can find some sources of advice and support here .

I hope that you are getting some emotional and mental health support; these links may be useful.

If you would like to discuss your situation with an adviser please call the freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am or 3.00 pm. Or post again on this forum if you have a further query.

Best wishes


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