Left in limbo by social services

[DistraughtDad]

Hi there,
I have a 5 year old son and both myself and my ex-husband have parental responsibility. I won't go into the background, but when my ex moved away to live with his new partner he took my son out of nursery to live with him and after protracted legal battles I had to concede in order to stop my son being dragged back and forth for another 6 months before it got to court as it was having a massive impact on him.

I've maintained a civil relationship with my ex out of necessity but recently my son has been more and more vocal about wanting to spend the same amount of time with me, something that my ex and his new partner dismiss.

A few weekends ago my son came to stay on the Friday night as usual and when they dropped him off they said he wasn't well and perhaps had a UTI. He didn't sleep much that night, was grumpy and restless on the Saturday and didn't sleep well Saturday night either. When they came to pick him up on the Sunday he was a wreck and crying, saying he wanted to stay. I had to carry him to their car.

The next morning I suggested they take him to the doctor, which they did.

Two Friday's later he came to stay again. All was fine with the drop off. We had a lovely evening and I put him to bed. Then at 11.30pm they knocked on the door, said that the urine test showed traces of drugs in his system and that social services had told them to remove him from my care. I was gobsmacked and in shock, and he was out of there in 5 minutes. 20 minutes later the police turned up, said they were there to see if I was OK and were incredibly supportive and sympathetic about the situation, even giving me some advice on what to do. I asked them to search my house and they said they had no grounds or reason to. I asked for a number for social services and they said they didn't have it.

I heard nothing the next day despite texting my ex. My son called for his bedtime story as usual and said he was worried I would be arrested and asked if I'd searched my house for chemicals. No sign of my ex on the call. He then sent me an out of hours social services number.

I called and spoke to someone else on that team. She seemed surprised that I had not been contacted and asked that I email with my account of the situation and any background, which I did. I received confirmation that it had been received and the lady I spoke to said that a meeting was happening on the Monday.

That was 8 days ago now and I have emailed repeatedly and called repeatedly and not been able to speak to anyone on the phone. In the meantime, my ex and his partner have taken my son abroad on holiday.

I am incredibly concerned about my son and also absolutely furious that I seem to have been accused of something without even being spoken to, and that social services seem to be operating on the word of my ex - someone who is clearly trying to pave the way to get full custody of my son for when he gets married this year to his new partner.

I really don't know what to do next. I have tried to call the Family Right Group advice line but it is constantly busy and I was hoping to get some advice on where to turn. My son is supposed to be coming to me on Thursday for 4 days for the end of half term and my ex has indicated that this is not going to happen. Any help you could suggest would be massively appreciated. Thank you.

[Meandkids]

I'm sorry to hear about this situation I can tell by your words your a very loving mother. Can you not try contacting your sons doctors about this situation you still have pr and maybe calling school see if they have had any call from social services. That's the only thing I can think to say I really hope you get this sorted

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear DistraughtDad,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your post.

You have a 5 year old son who lives with his father. Your son recently came to stay with you; when his father and his partner dropped him off, they reported that he was unwell and suggested he may have a UTI. You say he was unwell all weekend. Two Friday’s later, he came to stay with you again and was fine when dropped off. His father and his partner then came to your home and said that a urine test showed traces of drugs in his system and that social services had told them to remove him from your care.

You spoke to your son the next day, and then contacted children’s services. You were told that a meeting would be held on Monday, and since then, you have been unable to get in contact with anyone. Your ex and his partner have taken your son on holiday and you are concerned that you have been accused of something. You are supposed to have your son for 4 days at the end of half-term, which your ex has now told you is not going to happen. You would like to know what to do.

Firstly, it seems that following a urine test, your ex-partner or a professional who has seen your son has made a referral to children’s services. You say that this is because traces of drugs were found in your son’s urine – do you know why his urine was being tested for drugs in the first place? It appears that children’s services have aware of the case, but that you have not been informed of anything.

When children’s services received a referral, they need to decide within 24 hours what course of action they are going to take. Normally, this may be a children and families assessment under section 17 of the children act. This would involve a social worker speaking to you, your son’s father, your son and other professionals involved in his life, in order to assess the strengths and risks in this situation. Please see here for more information on what to expect from an assessment. In some cases, children’s services may become concerned that the child has suffered significant harm or is at risk of significant harm and may hold a meeting called a strategy meeting – you mentioned that a meeting was being held on Monday – do you know if this was it? Following a strategy meeting, children’s services may decide to initiate child protection enquiries, and hold a child protection conference. This is a meeting where children’s services will decide whether your child should be on a child protection plan. You can read more about this here.

As the child’s parent, children’s services should communicate their decisions to you and include you in any assessments that are carried out – the only exception to this is if it would prejudice the safety of the child. As you have not received any response from them, I would advise you contact the main line for your children’s services department and ask to speak to a senior manager. You should follow this up in writing and ask them to clarify with you what course of action is being taken. If you continue to not receive a response from anyone, I would advise you consider making a formal complaint – see here for how to do this.

If children’s services have concerns that pose a risk to your son, they may have recommended that your ex-partner stop contact. You can speak to the social worker about your concerns regarding the allegation and what you believe to be your ex-partner’s motivation. You can also ask that contact be re-instated for the assessment period – you may want to suggest developing a safety plan or putting forward someone to supervise contact.

Finally, it seems from your post that there are no court orders in place regarding contact with your son. It might be helpful to consider making an application for a child arrangements order so that your contact with your son can be formalised and stable. If you would like some advice on this, you can contact Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.