SS involvement after case closes

[Firsttimemum1212]

Hi, I’m a first time mum with an 8 week old. When I was 30 ish weeks pregnant I raised concerns with midwife and then social services regarding my relationship with the boyfriend/ father of my baby.

To cut a long story short she was born at 37 weeks and at about 35 weeks I told my partner they were involved because we really were getting on and sorting everything out. Sw was fine with us staying together she just requested we both work with her. It came to having our baby they wouldn’t discharge us until I agreed to live with my mother.

So here we are 8 weeks into our babies life 7 weeks into our CPP and everything is positive my partner has and is doing all they are asking of him. I’ve done my domestic abuse Victim work. He’s starting therapy tomorrow and our sw has always said she is working with us to remove herself quickly but needs to make sure it’s all working which it is.

We have always had supervised contact at my mums, then out in the community followed by at home unsupervised ( where he still is).

The Sw said on Friday in our next meeting in March she is going to recommend stepping it down to CIN which is great I’m so excited I’m so excited to start enjoying life as a family ant making memories with my partners 8yo and our baby his sister freely without needing rules or time limits.

I’m just very anxious about the future. I invited SS into my life for a very good reason and I am glad that they are here because they are encouraging my partner to get the help he needs after a life of trauma. I just want him to be free of his past and know how to direct and handle things better.

My partner is really trying and we haven’t had any issues so far during this whole experience. He’s so scared of loosing us and wants to do everything he can to get us home as soon as possible. He referred himself to all the right courses and SW is happy because he is showing nothing but commitment and willing to do it. I mean he lost his head at the start with a different Sw and ever since the initial contact he’s been nothing but patient and amazing with them and is showing them he can control and handle everything in a positive way. Like I said I’ve had no concerns and no worry’s so nothing new has been raised.

The reason I’m worried about the future is like what If we decided to have another baby.. I don’t want to go through this again.. then what if my child has accidents in the future and hurts herself will I be looked at like a bad mum. I just feel like giving up the idea of giving my baby a sibling in years to come because of SS. I just feel so scared of having to go through this again I love my baby and want nothing but the best life for her. I’m just praying when the case closes I can Relax and live a good life without anxiety due to SS.

I just feel like I’ll never be free and shouldn’t have another child when ready because of them. Even though everything is positive.

Please advise or reassure me Anything

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Firsttimemum121

Welcome to the parent’s discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, I work for the Family Rights Group and will be responding to your post today.

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. It sounds like you and your partner are working hard to change your circumstances. It is to your credit that you sought support when you need it and before your child was born. You have taken a proactive approach to ensure you and your daughter are safe and well and have worked with professionals to achieve positive change.

You are seeking support from domestic abuse services, you have followed the advice given by Children’s Services to move into your mother’s home and your partner is seeking support to address his behaviours and needs.

Since your involvement with Children's Services you are worried about what might happen if you have another child or need, for example, to take your daughter to hospital for any reason. I am sorry to hear this is causing you distress. Your thoughts on this are not uncommon and I understand your concerns. However, from what you say, whilst your experience has been stressful it has also brought about positive change to your family and I would encourage you to continue to seek professional support when needed.

You say your partner is also worried about losing you and your daughter and he wants to do all that he can to ‘get us home as soon as possible.’ I would encourage your partner to continue to work with professionals to address his behaviours and needs. Any risks he presents should be fully assessed by professionals before plans are made for you to reunite fully as a family. At present you are living in a supported environment, your baby is only a few weeks old and you are getting to know your daughter needs alongside being a new parent. Whilst this brings many pleasures it also brings stresses and strains. If the social worker hasn’t already discussed with you, you may wish to convene a Family Group Conference. A family group conference (FGC) is a family-led decision-making meeting. It brings together the whole family, and others who are important to the child. Together, at the family group conference, they make a plan for the child. Please see the link for further information.

It is possible that children’s services may be informed if you become pregnant again or need to take your child to hospital. There may be a flag because of their previous involvement and professionals will need to follow their protocols of reporting this. However, it does not automatically mean Children’s Services will become further involved. The referrer should include your current situation and circumstance and in the case of children taken to hospital - to A & E for example - it will depend on the child’s reason for being there. This will inform Children’s Services decision. Of course, taking an open and transparent approach, you could also pre-empt any referrals by informing the professionals of your involvement yourself.

I have added some links below that you may find helpful. I would also suggest you seek support from your GP and/or health visitor if you think your anxieties around this are starting to feel overwhelming. They will be able to offer you support and advice and seeking support is likely to be seen as a strength and demonstrate your ability to seek support from professionals when needed.

Child Protection Plans - This page answers some questions families often have about child protection plans.

Child in Need Plan– This page information about Child in Need plans (often referred to an CIN plans). When a child is removed from a child protection plan they are often ‘stepped down’ to this type of plan.

Domestic Abuse – This page offers information and advice on domestic abuse in different forms and discusses why children’s services may be concerned about children when this is a factor.

Respect UK - this link offers support and guidance to perpetrators of domestic abuse.

I hope you find this information useful.  Should you wish to speak to an adviser please call our free advice line: 0808 801 0366 (Mon to Fri 9.30a.m. – 3.00p.m excluding bank holidays). Of course you can always post again on here.
Best wishes, Suzie.

[Firsttimemum1212]

Thank you for your reply I don’t feel as anxious as I once did and I fully agree and have stated this to the SW that I’m in no rush to be living there again until he’s shown us all he’s learning. I would just like to be able to go out in the car with him or go spend time without a limit on it. The freedom of the smaller things are what is bothering me more.

I just over think everything she tells me like she told me last week she wants to step it down to CIN if she can’t do that request a CPP review in two months rather than 6. I’m then thinking will they just come back for no reason ( no new concerns) and want to take my child. Like don’t get me wrong if they ever had or ever would say choose between your child and your relationship me and her dad would fully separate because we love her and want to protect her and never would want to loose her that’s just the unthinkable.

We do have a FGC meeting coming up I just don’t know when waiting on the people to get in touch with my support network. We have our 3rd core group meeting in 2 weeks. Everything literally everything is going well. I’ve only ever had one unannounced visit I’ve seen the health visitor every two weeks but she signed me off because I’m doing okay but is still going to be in the meetings. My SW comes out once a month and even said to me herself “ they have a list of people at the weekend to visit who they are most worried about and you are never at the top so take with that what you will” and I am still sat here a nervous wreck expecting them to help and support us which they are doing and then dropping us from a height and going against us. Although everything is positive and going In the right direction. My anxiety is okay apart from this!

He is having weekly therapy sessions with a dv perp course. He is also going to do anger management and he is cooperating. I’m just expecting them to start testing him soon to see how he handles things which is fine he needs to be! I’m not just wanting to Forget everything that got us to this place I just want it to be better. More than likely I’d be living an anxious life with him if they weren’t involved and now I’m not living that way I’m living an anxious life because they are but atleast they are helping.

My partner had SS involvement as a child himself and it was well and truly documented that if his family didn’t sort themselves out that he’d be an angry adult.. here we are. The reason I’m sticking with him is because I believe he always wanted to change he knew he needed to face up and talk but he didn’t know where to start and didn’t want to go through the pain of the past, so I’ve encouraged him to do it for us all.

He takes good care of me otherwise runs me baths, does the cooking hates it when I’m in pain ( like pregnancy) he came to every scan he let me book private scans. I just geniunely think if he’d had a better childhood he’d be an all round good person and able to handle the situations he handles wrong better.

I’m sat thinking about why she is going easy on us.. is it because he’s working with them and is being nothing but amazing in communication ( referred himself to the right things) and they know and can see where his trigger point was and can see his negative childhood as well as the fact that I’m at my mums. I’ve got the freedom program book and also bought the freedom program course. I always wanted it to come off CPP quickly but I didn’t expect for her to say she wants to step it down in 4 weeks I expected her to just say I’ll ask for a couple months extension rather than 6 months.
ofcourse I’m scared of loosing my child although I know it is down to me to not let that happen and ofcourse I won’t.

Thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Firsttimemum2012,

Thank you for your post.

Your concerns and anxiety around this are understandable and it can seem nerve-wracking when children's services recommend any kind of change. Like I said, you and your partner should be proud that you have worked with the social worker to prioritise your baby's needs, and you will continue to have their support to ensure this positive change is maintained even under a child in need plan.

If you are feeling anxious to the point that you think it is impacting you day to day, you may want to discuss with your social worker what kind of support you will receive under a child in need plan - remember you can always ask your social worker about any questions you have. You may also want to consider speaking to your GP about your anxiety if you would like some extra help in managing this.

Best wishes,

Suzie.