Abused and ignored

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Arecki89
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2022 7:37 pm

Abused and ignored

Post by Arecki89 » Mon Jan 31, 2022 6:04 pm

I'm writing to seek some help for my friend who I believe is mistreated by Social Service and while Court procedures hasn't been started yet she may face her daughter being taken away from her if no action is taken soon. Please forgive if I don't use correct vocabulary as I never dealt with Social Services nor have kids myself. I'll try to explain the case best I can.
To start with, the Social Service got involved due to domestic violence my friend was suffering from her ex-boyfriend, her daughter's dad. She's been continuously abused and beaten by him on many occasions for a long time even after the Social Service got involved and she broke with him and he left her home, for example when he was coming to see the child or just entering her house without asking and her permission and Social Service knew about that as well as police been involved occasionally.
In fact, social worker asked my friend to deal and live on good terms with her ex-boyfriend when clearly for her own and daughter's safety she had to cut off from him as much as possible without limiting his contact with the child. That led to her being further continuously abused by him both verbally and physically. It's important to add that she was never willing to limit his contact with the child and never did that but rather opposite even though she was usually verbally abused when contacting him about seeing the child or the child maintenance. It's essential to note here that my friend also suffers from serious mental disorders that also further developed because of her ex-boyfriend and situations like that make it more difficult for her to care for the child.
I can't see any adequate action taken by Social Service to support or protect her but putting her under constant pressure. The social worker would ask or even require her to seek support in her parents what I understand is action the Social Service would normally take but again I believe in this case is a wrong turn. That is because her mother is another abusive person in her life and person who actually first caused her developing mental issues. Her mom seem to be always verbally abusing her anytime they disagree. In anger she even referred her to Social Service quite recently what seems to be a critical point in making her situation critical in terms of that she can eventually lose her child.
In my opinion, and my friend shares that opinion too, the Social Service has pushed her into a situation that can't be solved positively for her as dealing with her mom and her ex-boyfriend is simply affecting her mental health and so caring for her daughter. I could see her being well and both providing and caring for her daughter well as long as they (meaning her ex and her mom) haven't got involved but I suppose the social worker thinks opposite - that she can't provide for her daughter on her own and so would ask her to seek support from her ex or parents. Considering what she told me I think that the social worker and my friend's mom take advantage of that she has mental issues and ignore her.
To sum up, my friend needs to cut off from the people who are causing her further problems and change environment in order to take good care for her daughter and keep her safe and not opposite as Social Service seem to push her into.
This situation just got worse a few days ago when her ex-boyfriend came again and beaten her, the police been involved and she required medical help and because of that we have serious concerns that the social worker may soon start the proceeding to remove her child. After that happened the child was taken to her parents house and she got threatened by the social worker that if she will take her home he will call the police as he stated that her daughter is not safe with her.
I will sincerely appreciate any advice on that and I'm sure my friend will be happy to get in touch with you if needed.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4207
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Abused and ignored

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Feb 02, 2022 2:17 pm

Dear Arecki89

Thank you for your post seeking advice on behalf of your friend. My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I see from your post that your friend has been in a domestically abusive relationship with her ex-partner, the father of her daughter. It is very surprising to read that your friend has been in this abusive situation and both the police and children’s services are aware of it and nothing has been done to safeguard the child in your friend’s care or your friend. Your friend’s partner has been beating her, this would amount to an assault which is a criminal offence, the police should have acted.

Children’s services, in situations such as the one you have described would in most circumstances, if not all, suggest to the mother that to safeguard herself and her child she should have no contact with the perpetrator of the domestic violence. Often, if the perpetrator resides in the same home he would be asked to leave.

Your friend appears to have made the decision to maintain contact with her child’s father since she was contacting him to have contact. Had she decided to protect herself and her daughter, she could have got legal advice about getting an order to prevent him coming to her home, this would be a non-molestation order. If the court made that order and the perpetrator breached the order he may be sent to prison.

Although you mention that children’s services have been involved you do not say whether your friend’s daughter is on a child in need or child protection plan with children’s services. Children’s services will be concerned about your friend’s ability to keep her daughter safe. Please read information here about child in need and child protection.

Children’s services should not ask a mother to put herself in an abusive situation such as that you describe for friend with her mother. Since your friend is a victim of domestic violence, children’s service may have suggested that she go into a Refuge to keep herself and her daughter safe.

Your friend cannot be forced to engage with her mother if she does not want to, children’s services cannot force your friend to get support from her mother. You say your friend cannot provide for her daughter on her own. Is she in a position where she is unable to claim benefits for herself and her daughter?

I am sorry that your friend’s mental health is not good. Being in a domestically abusive relationship is likely to make her condition worse. If your friend is not engaging with her local mental health services, she should do so. Also, she might benefit from having support from a domestic violence service such as Women’s Aid 0800 200 0247, Rights of Women (0207 608 1137)or the Independent domestic violence advocacy service (IDVA) 0127 466 7104

Your friend may also find it helpful to read the information from our website about domestic abuse use as well as the questions frequently asked for mothers

Regarding child maintenance, your friend does not need to go directly to the father, she could contact the Child Maintenance Service for help to get support from the father.

As there has been another recent incident of domestic violence, your friend’s daughter has placed with her grandparents. This would have to be with your friend’s agreement, or she agreed with her parents that they could look after her. Children’s services do not believe that your friend’s daughter is safe in her care. She may be witnessing domestic violence or could be hurt during such a situation. The police can remove a child to safety. This is for a specific period (72 hours). Unless your friend agreed with children’s services for her daughter to stay with her grandparents after this, she would have to be returned or children’s services apply for an emergency protection order. Children’s services must have the agreement of a parent or person with parental responsibility to keep a child away from their home. The social worker wants her to stay with her grandparents and if your friend does not allow this to happen whilst children services assess the situation, then they can act by applying to the court for an order to allow them to make decisions themselves about where your friend’s daughter will live.

As the situation has been ongoing for some time, it may be that children’s services will consider whether they need to start court proceedings to keep the child safe.

Your friend may wish to call our free confidential advice line to speak with an adviser on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

I hope this is helpful to you and your friend.

Best wishes

Suzie

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