Risk Assessment and Living together

[Cybermoon202]

Hi, I'm new on this forum although have looked at posts on here before.

My partner was convicted of 'the making of 2 indecent images of children' and the judge clarified that these images were never viewed. He has recieved probation as well as a rehabilitation course, a shpo for 10 years and the same amount on the register.

This happened April last year and since then we have been waiting for social care to start a risk assessment on my partner so that mine can also be carried out due to them being unsure if i understand the risk my partner may be to my child.

When our son was born in may i moved in to live with my aunt and have been here ever since. I feel as though they have completely disregarded our case as the risk assessment only started last Friday which was well over when it should've been.

But that being said, what i wanted to know is, if the risk assessment comes out at low risk are we allowed to live together again as a family or is it just so i can supervise contact with him and our son? This has not been clarified to me so any help would be great.

Thanks, Cybermoon202.

[dadgettinghelp]

I'd be very interested in finding out the answer to this too, as I'm in a similar situation but I'm the offending partner. My wife and I have also separated and I feel like now they've created as much distance as they possibly can they're not overly interested in actually assessing risk. I'd love them to assess the risk! The fact that you say it's taken such a long time to begin the assessment fills my heart with sadness as waiting around is so painful. However, like I say I'm very interested in the answer and to hear others experience of this as there seems a huge degree of inconsistency across the country.

[WhiteOrchid]

Hi both,
I am not sure if I will be much help, but I will try to offer some advice. I do not have children myself, but I am part of a group of women who are trying to get their husbands home after this offence occurs – some have been able to so do not lose hope!

Child services, along with the police have significant influence in whether offenders can return home so we should always attempt to work with them. However, the police are the only agency with any legal clout as they are monitoring the offender. Of course, child services can initiate care proceedings to remove children, but they would have to prove that your children are at significant harm. To address their concerns, there are lots of things that can be done to prove that us partners are being proactive and protective – scoring low in a risk assessment will not be enough although that does help.

Initially, contact may begin in a contact-centre. I believe these are used when the mother is not considered to be protective or she does not want contact to take place in the home – Suzie may be able to clarify this if I have not understood correctly? If both father and mother have agreed to contact, it may then move to the home providing the mother is considered protective.

Cybermoon202 - What have you done so far to prove you are a protective parent? Firstly, I would start by detailing a safety plan which supports supervised access in in the first instance. It should detail how you intend on keeping your child safe when around the offender – for example, no personal care will be conducted by your partner, the child will not be left alone – if you intend on going to the toilet, you will either take your child or partner with you, they are not to use their phone around the child etc. This demonstrates that you understand of the risk your partner poses and how you will be addressing it. You should also put forward any courses you have completed with regards to child safeguarding and understanding your partners offense. There is lots of support material available - NSPCC, Barnardo’s, Lucy Faithful, Stop it Now, Maximise Training & Safeguarding so make sure you research these.

Dadgettinghelp - what have you done so far to prove you have addressed your behaviour? Have you been convicted yet? As far as I’m aware, child services will enforce stopping all contact while under investigation. This is because the information they receive from the police is very limited, so they have to assume the worst. Once sentencing has taken place, it should be a little easier to move forward if that is what both you and wife want. As above, contact should begin on a supervised basis only, hopefully at home with safety plans and training courses in place. I am not totally sure what resources are available to offenders but if you haven’t already, I would suggest contacting Stop it Now and Lucy Faithful Foundation who can support you.

I would also like to recommend two books that should help you understand the process and what is expected of you, particularly from child’s services perspective. They are The Protectors Handbook – Reducing the Risk of Child Sexual Abuse (Mum) and also, Assessment and Intervention with Ms & Partners – Empowering to Protect (Mum & Dad).

As before, I hope this helps and apologies for rambling. Hopefully Suzie and others will be able to correct any false assumptions I’ve made.

[Togetherforever]

WhiteOrchid

Hello and an amazing reply

Could I please send you a private message my wife has said she is really interested in the group you was on about, and you have gave some positive advise to really look in to , which I would like to ask more about please

Thanks

To original post cybermoon

We had our assessments and come back low risk and still didn’t get un supervised contact because we don’t believe the conviction , even no our risk assessment was low risk ,
My advice would be to work with them but hold you ground , but if the conviction is true and you say you believe it and understand the risk , you will have a smoother ride to getting home if that is the case.

Hope that helps

[WhiteOrchid]

Hi TogetherForever,
Of course, I will send your a PM now, glad to have helped, even if it is only a little.

[dadgettinghelp]

Dadgettinghelp - what have you done so far to prove you have addressed your behaviour? Have you been convicted yet? As far as I’m aware, child services will enforce stopping all contact while under investigation. This is because the information they receive from the police is very limited, so they have to assume the worst. Once sentencing has taken place, it should be a little easier to move forward if that is what both you and wife want. As above, contact should begin on a supervised basis only, hopefully at home with safety plans and training courses in place. I am not totally sure what resources are available to offenders but if you haven’t already, I would suggest contacting Stop it Now and Lucy Faithful Foundation who can support you.

Hi WhiteOrchid,

Thanks for getting back to me with your insight. Any advice is good advice as far as I'm concerned! As yet I have not been convicted - the investigation is still ongoing. I've been in regular contact with Stop it Now since my arrest. They really are incredibly helpful and I would recommend anyone affected by circumstances such as these get in touch. I've completed all of their online self help modules and have read 2 books: "Your Brain on Porn" and "In the Shadows of the Net" as suggested by them. I've done a huge amount of my own personal research into problematic porn use and porn addiction/compulsion. I am also undertaking their 10 week long "Inform Plus" course. I've asked that as the social work team seem very reluctant to conduct any kind of assessment of risk that perhaps they approach an organisation like the Lucy Faithful Foundation to advise, as I know the LFF have a huge amount of expertise in this area. The problem I have is that because I'm the offender, my advice or requests are not often welcome. Indeed, whilst I of course understand that professionals have to make judgements and err on the side of caution, I do feel that some of the professionals some of the time are directed by their personal response to my charges and beyond that they don't really want to know. At times it just feels like a cycle of "we believe you're a risk but we can't pin down why exactly and we don't want to try because you're a risk and that's that". My ex wife and I have no expectations that we're going to get back together again - the best thing for our son is that he lives his life with his mum and is separate from me. The real risk to my son long term is the stigma of having a parent convicted of a crime of this nature and the way people may treat him if he's associated with me. There's no way I'm going to let my mistakes affect him, hence why I believe it is safer for my son that we're separate. The trouble is that although my ex is the most protective parent I've ever met, incredibly intelligent and hugely successful in her field, the fact that she hasn't cast me aside and cut me off doesn't compute with social work's expectation of what a protective parent is. I see my son in a contact centre each week and it needn't be that way - my ex can protect my son, and I would never harm my son - but social work don't seem to want to listen. All I want is contact outside of a contact centre, managed and supervised by my ex and/or our wider family. It's hugely frustrating and hurtful, but of course I will continue to work with them because as far as I can see it's the only way. As per Suzie's advice I have also written a letter to social work explaining all I have done to address my behaviours and what I would like contact to look like moving forwards. We're currently getting handed over to a new social work team - the current team have clearly checked out so I'll wait until we're firmly in the hands of the new team before sharing my letter with them ahead of any further discussions and assessments.

Sorry for the rant!

[WhiteOrchid]

Hi Dadgetting help,

No need to apologise, I can totally empathise how difficult these situations are and agree with all of your comments – I do wish I could do more to help.

It is really great to hear about your recovery though. I personally think you are doing everything you can so this demonstrates strong accountability and motivation to “rights the wrongs” so to speak.
As for reading, I would also suggest The Porn Trap. It was recommended by LFF to my partner. I found it much more relatable and practical than Your Brain on Porn so perhaps give this a read too.

As for the social work team, it is no surprise to me that they are unwilling to conduct a risk assessment. I have often read this to be the case, and it consistently seems that decisions are led by emotion than professional judgement as you say. I am aware however that some individuals pay privately for assessments by LFF so this could be something to consider. It is not to say though, that child services would even take the assessment into account, but it would certainly hold significant baring if your case went to court and the results of that assessment were favourable. As you say LFF have a huge amount of expertise in this area - child services do not.

I am also glad that your ex-wife has allowed contact to continue albeit in the contact-centre for now and you have put your concerns to child services as per Suzie’s advice. I can only imagine the emotional suffering your son would experience if this was to stop completely. I am also not sure if you are aware, but you are within your rights to request a new social worker if you feel the support that you are receiving is inadequate. I can see that you are currently being passed over to a new team, so I do hope the situations improves for you. It may also be worth asking if anyone on the new team have experience with these offences, so you are assigned a social worker who is more knowledgeable.

Wishing you all the best.

[Polar1234]

Hi,
I am in similar situation. I have a 5 week old baby it was only until I walked into have a c section when the midwifes stopped the father of my child coming in with me. He was sentenced in 2016 and was put on sor for 10 years. My social worker has done an assessment on me which she is closing the case as there is no concerns but she has put a safety plan in place until she speaks to his police officer in the mean time she told me if he turns up to the door I must call the police and he should have no contact and no pictures of the baby. Can someone help me on if they have had similar situation and if he will eventually be allowed supervised access

[Need help 2021]

Hi wanted I wanted to ask is that the socail service discharged you so how comes there are back in contact and they should arrange contact in the contact centre until they haven’t done rest assessment if you don’t mind me asking what did you partner do .and do you know if you both would be allowed to live together as a family after the assessment.

[Polar1234]

Thanks for your reply. She said my risk assessment (that I can look after a child and that his health is fine) and the safety plan are complete separate. The offence was he ‘touched’ a woman’s bum in a pub this was 7 years ago we now have proof from the ‘victim’ that she overreacted and the police made it out to be worse than what it was these are messages that the victim sent herself so we are waiting to here back from his police woman who oversees him too see if we can appeal the case now we have this proof. So he is now allowed supervised contact we can go anywhere we want as long as my mom is present. They haven’t discussed if we can live together in the future