Wife ran away with daughter

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cannedtuna
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Dec 02, 2021 2:05 am

Wife ran away with daughter

Post by cannedtuna » Sat Dec 25, 2021 2:35 am

My wife gave birth in February. Ever since then, she changed. She was no longer the sweet loving caring wife I knew. She would try to start fights and talk to me very rudely.

I endured this for months and finally decided to book an appointment at my surgery to assess her for possible post natal depression. I did not tell her that I booked this appointment. She turned up ( I did not go with her ) to see the Doctor and God knows what she said. She came back and told me that the next day there was another appointment for her and our child. Next day, I dropped them off at the surgery and I was waiting for 2 hours in the car park.

I rang and she eventually picked up and said that she has told the Doctor everything and that for safeguarding reasons, she can't come with me. The doctor has informed social services and a family friend of hers would come and pick her up and they would have a police escort to that house. I stayed calm during the call. I went home and few minutes later, policia arrived and arrested me as my wife had made allegations that I was controlling and coercive. I was taken to the station but not detained as I had no previous DV complaints and I had never been arrested before. I was released instantly.I was told that I would be contacted for an interview to hear my side of the story. It has been a month and I have heard nothing.

The wife then came this week with policia to pick up her clothes.

In the one month that has gone by, she has not spoken to me at all. She has shown my daughter by Whatsapp video chat only couple of times. She has also stopped being co-operative and no longer shows her to me as she ignores my messages.

The family friend she went to .. I only know that lady's name and don't even know where she lives. That lady gave my wife training on what to tell the Doctor.



Now, I must add that I was suspecting something fishy going on ( hush hush phone calls by her where she hangs up if I enter the room ). I planted an audio recorder secretly for a few days two months ago and I heard that she was planning something with my in-laws. The day before she ran away, she also discussed this plan with her family friend. I acted as if I knew nothing but was mentally prepared.

What do I do now ? I do not want to get a child contact order as I have seen on the net that people have fought for 7 years or more and ended up spending tens of thousands! Surely she can't just make up allegations and walk away just like that?

I had a call from social services - children services end of last month. The woman spent an hour with me telling me more bs my wife told her and she wanted to hear my replies to each. Some were borderline extreme bs!

Does anyone know anything about prepaid cards being given by councils ?

~ And what stage am I in ? What's next to come ? When does she come after me for divorce or child maintenance ?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Wife ran away with daughter

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jan 05, 2022 11:16 am

Dear cannedtuna,

Welcome to the parent’s forum and thankyou for your post. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are facing.

You say that your ex-partner has made allegations of controlling and coercive behaviour against you. Controlling and coercive behaviour comes under the definition of domestic abuse – see the link for more information. These allegations were reported to the police and children’s services, and your ex-partner was supported by them to leave the family home and to go and stay with a family friend. You deny that you were abusive.

Concern that a child is experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse is a very common reason why children’s services become involved with families. Research shows that children can suffer long-term as a result of experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse. You may find it helpful to read our website page here for more information about this.

You say that you spoke with someone from children’s services on the phone but this was some time ago and it doesn’t sound as if you have heard anything more since then. As the father you are entitled to be involved in any assessment children’s services may be undertaking regarding your child and you may wish to contact children’s services to ask for more information and for a copy of the assessment when it is completed. You may find it helpful to look at our website page here as we have information specifically for fathers involved in this process.

You were having some video contact with your daughter however this has now stopped as your ex-partner is refusing to allow this. If you wish to have contact with your daughter and you are unable to come to an agreement with your ex-partner about this then you may need to consider applying to court for contact through a child arrangements order. This will set out who the child should live with and who else the child should spend time with and have contact with. You can find more information about this via Child Law Advice. You mention that you have heard that this can be a costly and time consuming process, however it is possible to act as a ‘litigant in person’ (meaning that you represent yourself and do not have to pay for a lawyer) and it may be the quickest and most effective way for you to get regular contact with your daughter. Support Through Court offers free guidance and advice from volunteers, and you may find the advice guides on the Advicenow webpage helpful.

You mention pre-paid cards – I am unsure what you are referring to here. It may be that your ex-partner is being supported by children’s services financially, and it is possible that she is being provided with a card which she can use in shops to purchase items she needs for your daughter and herself.

I cannot answer your final questions about if and when your ex-partner may file for divorce or apply for child maintenance. However other parents on here may be able to share their experiences with you.

I hope that the information above is helpful. Please post back again if you have any further queries, or you can call our advice line on 0808 801 0366 to speak with an adviser (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm).

Best wishes,
Suzie

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