The unheard screams of mother and child

[BKL567]

After getting myself into a rut of about a month along with illness and obviously covid19 it's been a emotional rollercoaster. The house a mess, rent arrears all of which are admittedly my own doing but I had my beautiful little boy aged 6 and 4 months and my 17 year old hormonal middle son and we were happy together. At aged 4 I had decided to home school my youngest as he was a little speech delayed and still not fully potty trained (he would wee bit would not poo out of a nappy). Did some online research and it's not uncommon for speech delay or for boys to have potty training issues up until around 5 so I wasn't worried as my other 2 grown boys hit their milestones at different times as all children do.  Then came covid19 and the lockdowns and to be honest we as a family really loved being together and I suppose I've just got swept along and become covid comfortable. My baby boy is still speech delayed but is toilet trained but wears pull-ups at bedtime as he does still have accidents overnight sometimes. Admittedly a little overweight but he eats real food not fast foods and he doesn't even like chips. When at home he doesn't like to wear clothes and no matter how often I try he prefers to be my nature boy and nakedly free. He has a full wardrobe of clothes 4 pairs of shoes, 2 coats and of course wears clothes when we go out to the park or beach of to our friends and family or shopping etc he just strips them off himself when we get home. He is boisterous, funny, beautiful and truly a good boy and mother and child bond is extremely strong, we have never had a day apart from each other and I truly adore him. He can read a little, knows his left from right can count, spell and knows his Abc's but he does like to cheat playing snap. Anyway so nearly a week ago the police were here for my partner (work environment issue) the following day 2 other officers and 2 social workers were at my door with concerns about XXXXX, I unhappily let them in and I agreed to sort the kids bedroom out and put the CLEAN washing (it was a mess) away. The police left and spent a while with the social workers who agreed to come back on the 29th December to meet dad and middle son and see how we had progressed.  This is not what happened. The next day 2 new social workers came with police and advised the original social worker had gone back to the office and spoken to her manager and changed her mind. They took my baby into emergency care. Was given a full medical where he had NO signs of any physical abuse (have never smacked any of my children) weight was a little concern and speech/social delay etc. My home has been transformed back to its former self and is all as it should be. They are taking me to court for an ICO tomorrow for around 22 weeks. I've begged them to let him home contact is supervised and he spends the entire time begging to come home. He's not eating very much and they are worried about him. He's wearing nappy pants all day and night so completely regressed and if you saw this little boy it's heartbreaking the sadness in his eyes is literally killing me. I've told them I'd let them have 24/7 open door policy and I'd do everything they wanted without question just to let him home to his family. I am no risk of harm to him and they even said I was "killing him with kindness". Love is what is called. Guilty of having a rough patch... absolutely also guilty of hiding behind covid19 a little too but I adore that boy and he adores me too. I am being punished for the children who are abused and beaten and murdered. I am many things and I'm not perfect but I am his perfect mummy and he is my perfect boy.  No one is listening to me or seeing how miserable he is. This is intolerable cruelty and surely more damaging to him. He thinks I've abandoned him when in fact he is safer at home than anywhere else in the world. With lockdown looming again I will have no physical contact with a lost little boy who just needs to come home. I'm screaming at the top of every mountain and somehow my voice isn't being heard. Tomorrow is court hearing and they will get the ICO as the law protects children and I 100% agree with that. We are not facts on paper we a multicoloured rainbow and my boy is every beautiful colour, but right now he's grey. No Christmas for us this year. What happens to us! They have broken us and this is just paperwork to them. A mother who loves her child, a family without a little brother. Won't anyone stop this insanity. Please before it's too late!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear BKL567

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see from your post that you are have a difficult time with children’s services who has become involved with your family after a visit from police officers related to your partner’s work.

From reading your post, you accept that things went wrong with the state of the home and other issues, and you have worked on these and things are now as they should be with the home.

You may by now have gone to court and I apologise that you did not receive a reply before now. I hope you were able to instruct a solicitor to represent you at the hearing had a good outcome at this first hearing.

The main issue, for you now, is that your son is not in your care, and you are worried about how this separation is affecting him.

It is important, I think, for you to understand how the current circumstances arose. I see from your post that you state your son’s speech is delayed, he is overweight, and he is not fully potty trained. You do not mention whether you have sought assistance from speech and language services for your son or any other support to help you with this and the other things you mention in your post.

From what you state, the police initially came to your home for a matter relating to your partner. It seems the police were concerned about your son, perhaps because of the state of the home. A referral was made to children’s services and a further visit made to you home by police and social workers. At that time, you were told that the social workers would be back to check that things had improved. However, a decision was made by children’s services to escalate the case. It seems the concerns for your son’s well being were significant enough for the police to remove him from your care. You do not mention what explanation was given to you at the time or if you were asked to agree to your son being accommodated (that is, you agree that he could be looked after voluntarily), if you were asked but did not agree, then children’s services would have no alternative but to make an application to court for an order as that is the only way they could keep him in their care.

Whilst I fully understand your wish to have your son home and your concerns about how he is being affected by the separation from you, it is important you show that you understand the concerns that children’s services have and why it was considered that your son suffered harm (through neglect) and at risk of future harm. You should by now, have more information about the concerns as children’s services would have set them out in the papers sent to the court.

I am including a link to information about care proceedings on our website which will help you to understand the court procedures, and what will happen in the case. It is also important to work with your solicitor and you can read about this in our guide on this . link

You may have the help of family and friends who can support you for example to look after your son during this process. Anyone willing to do so would have to be assessed. The best way for families/friends to have a clear picture of how they can help would be to have a Family Group Conference, you can speak to the social worker about this if not already discussed with you. Please see information here

Everyone will be aware of your love for your son and his for you but at the same time where children are at risk of harm whether physical, emotional or their needs not being met, steps must be taken to safeguard them.

You can of course post again if you wish but may find it helpful to speak with one of our advisers and can do so by telephoning our free and confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie