I'm very new to this site and don't know what sort of answers I'll get but I shall try give as much detail as I can.
I have been with my partner for 8 months, I am pregnant with his child and due in 8 weeks. I have two other children. Child services showed up 48hrs ago and asked him to leave the family home.
Unknown to me he has been charged with an online offence of talking sexually to a minor under the attempt act 1981 (as it was a sting team) he has pleaded guilty, been cooperative with the police from day one, never had any other offence, not done anything like this before or since, his devices when seized were clear other than this chat.
He has never had any restrictions around children other than when he was on bail, and it was to be supervised.
I just want to know what to expect, I understand their will be a risk assessment and that will decide how well I can safeguard the children, which is obviously the priority of us both. He has never given me any reason to think he poses a risk to my children or our unborn baby, he is allowed unsupervised contact with his other children and would be living with them had his previous relationship not ended.
This man is such a loving, kind, caring man, who has made a terrible mistake. He regrets it every day since it happened and was terrified I would leave him so didn't tell me in the beginning. My children love him like they do their bio father and if he had to leave their lives it would break their hearts.
Advice NEEDED
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4256
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Advice NEEDED
Dear Doggie
Welcome to the Parents’ Forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are going though, especially as you are due to have your new baby in a couple of months. I can see that you are in a stressful situation.
You and your partner are in a quite a new relationship. You have two children of your own as well as a baby on the way with your partner. Children’s services have become involved very recently as your partner is facing criminal charges in relation to online sexual communication with a child. You state that he has admitted this offence, cooperated, and kept to arrangements for supervised contact with children when he was on bail. Have bail conditions ended?
I understand that you are trying to make sense of the situation and process what is happening at the moment. However, it is very concerning that you had no knowledge of this offence and that it seems that your partner was living with you and your children without being honest with you about his arrest and possible court hearing. There may be a number of different outcomes to the criminal justice process depending on the circumstances but I understand he will be put on the Sex Offenders Register if convicted which will have implications for you and your family.
Children’s services asked your partner to leave your home with which he has complied. They are concerned that he may pose a risk of harm to your children and to the unborn baby. I understand that he is allowed unsupervised contact with his other children. However, the children’s services in your area are responsible for assessing any risk to your children, including your unborn baby, posed by your partner. As you have noted, they will also want to assess your ability to be a protective mother and keep your children safe. At the moment, you don’t feel that your partner poses any risk of harm to the children. It is very important that you accept the possibility of risk and don’t play down the harm suffered by children via online offences. The social worker will probably want to explore your understanding of why your partner did not disclose his circumstances to you and may be concerned if you don't query his reasons. You may find it helpful to look at this information about child sexual abuse and child exploitation . You might want to speak to the Stop It Now confidential helpline to get some advice and support for yourself or have a look at the Parents’ Protect website. And there are some further links to useful services here.
You are understandably wondering what to expect now that children’s services are undertaking an assessment. You can find information here about how children’s services’ work. There can be different outcomes depending on whether your children are assessed to be in need or children who may be at risk of significant harm. You can ask the social worker to provide you with a copy of the local authority’s protocol for assessment and their threshold document: please see here for more information.
When the outcome of your partner’s criminal case is known, children’s services will need to consider this as part of any assessment of the needs of your children, especially your unborn baby, who is your partner’s child. From what you say, I think you are currently wanting to continue your relationship and for your partner to be involved with the child you are having together and your children. It is not possible to predict what the outcome will be as this will be based on your family’s specific circumstances. However, children’s services will make recommendations in relation to this based on their assessment of the risk, or a specialist risk assessment, and may recommend that you do a protective parenting course. You and your partner’s willingness to comply with any recommendations made by children’s services will impact on what happens too. This may involve restrictions on your partner living with or having contact with the child/ren.
It is a good idea to ask the social worker to be open and honest with you, to keep you as informed as possible, to discuss any concerns with you and tell you what they want you to do about them.
You may find these tips on working with social workers helpful.
You could consider involving your wider family network, perhaps through a family group conference, to support you and help draw up a safe plan for you and your children.
If you have further queries as the assessment progresses please post again or if you prefer, you can call our freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366 to speak to an adviser. The service is available Mon to Fri (except Bank Holidays) between 9.30 am and 3.00 pm.
I hope this is helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the Parents’ Forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are going though, especially as you are due to have your new baby in a couple of months. I can see that you are in a stressful situation.
You and your partner are in a quite a new relationship. You have two children of your own as well as a baby on the way with your partner. Children’s services have become involved very recently as your partner is facing criminal charges in relation to online sexual communication with a child. You state that he has admitted this offence, cooperated, and kept to arrangements for supervised contact with children when he was on bail. Have bail conditions ended?
I understand that you are trying to make sense of the situation and process what is happening at the moment. However, it is very concerning that you had no knowledge of this offence and that it seems that your partner was living with you and your children without being honest with you about his arrest and possible court hearing. There may be a number of different outcomes to the criminal justice process depending on the circumstances but I understand he will be put on the Sex Offenders Register if convicted which will have implications for you and your family.
Children’s services asked your partner to leave your home with which he has complied. They are concerned that he may pose a risk of harm to your children and to the unborn baby. I understand that he is allowed unsupervised contact with his other children. However, the children’s services in your area are responsible for assessing any risk to your children, including your unborn baby, posed by your partner. As you have noted, they will also want to assess your ability to be a protective mother and keep your children safe. At the moment, you don’t feel that your partner poses any risk of harm to the children. It is very important that you accept the possibility of risk and don’t play down the harm suffered by children via online offences. The social worker will probably want to explore your understanding of why your partner did not disclose his circumstances to you and may be concerned if you don't query his reasons. You may find it helpful to look at this information about child sexual abuse and child exploitation . You might want to speak to the Stop It Now confidential helpline to get some advice and support for yourself or have a look at the Parents’ Protect website. And there are some further links to useful services here.
You are understandably wondering what to expect now that children’s services are undertaking an assessment. You can find information here about how children’s services’ work. There can be different outcomes depending on whether your children are assessed to be in need or children who may be at risk of significant harm. You can ask the social worker to provide you with a copy of the local authority’s protocol for assessment and their threshold document: please see here for more information.
When the outcome of your partner’s criminal case is known, children’s services will need to consider this as part of any assessment of the needs of your children, especially your unborn baby, who is your partner’s child. From what you say, I think you are currently wanting to continue your relationship and for your partner to be involved with the child you are having together and your children. It is not possible to predict what the outcome will be as this will be based on your family’s specific circumstances. However, children’s services will make recommendations in relation to this based on their assessment of the risk, or a specialist risk assessment, and may recommend that you do a protective parenting course. You and your partner’s willingness to comply with any recommendations made by children’s services will impact on what happens too. This may involve restrictions on your partner living with or having contact with the child/ren.
It is a good idea to ask the social worker to be open and honest with you, to keep you as informed as possible, to discuss any concerns with you and tell you what they want you to do about them.
You may find these tips on working with social workers helpful.
You could consider involving your wider family network, perhaps through a family group conference, to support you and help draw up a safe plan for you and your children.
If you have further queries as the assessment progresses please post again or if you prefer, you can call our freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366 to speak to an adviser. The service is available Mon to Fri (except Bank Holidays) between 9.30 am and 3.00 pm.
I hope this is helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie
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